Not Me!

I am not jealous of my baby boy’s eyelashes. Nope, not me!
For the past two weeks, while my usually mellow lil guy became fussy throughout the day and restless/upset throughout the night, I did not accept advice that “this is normal” and I did not take the advice and even let him cry it out a few times when in fact he was teething! I know my child better than that, so nope not me!

I did not shed a few tears of frustration and tears of exhaustion almost every night last week due to those ^ restless nights.

Because of how much I do not like photography and documenting things, I do not look through my photo albums to help me remember what I did not do the past week :)

I am not thriiiiiiiilled happy that we have the house to ourselves for the next 10 days!

On Monday last week, I did not forget a “just in case” outfit for Chase and when he had a blowout-poo, during staff meeting of course, I did not have to walk out, change the mess and walk back in with a partially nakey boy! I plan better than that, so nope, not me!

I did not post even more ridiculous, yet cute, videos of Chase this past week.

I am not thinking more and more about having another baby, sooner than I thought I ever would. When people ask me about how many kids we want to have or when do you want another baby… I do not reply with “I would honestly get pregnant again now or in a few months if it weren’t for the c-section”… Chase is so young, that would be craaazy, nope not me!

I am not veggin’ out this afternoon and I am not watching the Tyra show as I type. Such a waste of time, so nope not me!

Chase did not beginning teething in the last two weeks. Not my child, not at 3 months old! :*(

Due to the teething, my boy does not constantly stick his fingers in this mouth, knawing away and ultimetely gagging himself and occasionally vomit because of this!
During the worship time at church, Chase did not gag himself with his fingers (yes, again) and vomit down the front and the back my dressy black sweater.

While mommy was at work Friday, he did not have one, two THREE blowout poos by the time we left that evening!

Mini ‘Not Me’ Monday…

When Chase peed outside of his diaper and all over me in an early morning feeding, I did notthink, “It’s okay, it’s only urine… and actually… it makes me feel a bit warmer!”…. Eww, nope not me! (I did change, really I did!)

When my tooth began to give me problems throughout the week, getting steadily worse and leading into a weekend of headaches galore… I did not decide to take the last 2 percocet I have leftover from my incision drama and I have not taken 1/2 a percocet the past two days to dull the pain temporarily. And of course I do not wish that I had an entire bottle left of the pills until I see the dentist… Not this girl who usually only takes asprin or ibuprofen as a last resort…. nope, NEVER me!!
I have not become one of those mom’s who post silly sometimes ridiculous videos of my child being cute or just because. I do not post silly videos of my son or both of us. Nope not me!

A ‘Not Me Monday’.

I am not posting this with Chase passed out on my shoulder. (I am getting mad momma skills).
I did not commit to giving up drinking dr. pepper this week and I did not already sneak one when Ted wasn’t looking. I am also not drinking a can of Dr. Pepper right now… um, nope, not me because it’s only the first day!
I do not post a photo (or more) a day on facebook. I do not document every little thing! Nope, not me!

this is what Chase is doing right now…
When people comment to me in person about the photos I do not sometimes feel so incredibly silly and say “yeah, I’m a little ridiculous” and believe it to be true. And of course I do not continue to post these photos regardless of that I know this. Nope, not me!

While visiting a harvest farm with friends last week, I did not put Chase too close to a large goat and this goat did not attempt to bit my son. Chase did not freak out when two large goats came our way a bit later.
If you were to stop by my house at any given moment last week, you would not see a pile of dirty diapers stacked in a box beside Chase’s changing table. We do not keep forgetting to stop by Wal-mart with a baby gift card and buy a diaper jeanie… nope, I would never leave a pile of dirty diapers!
I did not spend most of saturday in pajamas, even after a morning shower and I most certainly did not ignore our dirty house and I did not veg out the entire day… nope, not me!
I did not frighten Chase more than once this week, whether it be from the vacuum, to sneezing, to turning music on, etc… I would never forget he is easily frightened and make that mistake!
Saturday morning when I stripped Chase down to his diaper (cause we LOVE his chubby belly) and put him in bed between Ted and I, he pooped a “blow out” on the sheets and my shirt. I did not then use a diaper wipe to “clean” my shirt and wear it the rest of the morning before showering. Nope, not me!
When carrying Chase and a huge thing of water on one arm and our ridiculously huge diaper bag and empty car seat on the other arm and someone offers to help, I did not reply with “Oh I’ve got it, thanks” because I felt like I should already be on top of carrying everything and our baby. Nope, not me!
I do not occasionally say what I want to say through Chase. For example; I do not say “Daddy, It’s time to go” or “Daddy your beard hurts my face, you should shave” or “Daddy, want to come to bed”… etc. Nope, NEVER me!

‘Not me Monday’

It hasn’t been a while since I’ve posted a ‘Not me Monday’!

Yesterday, in early hours of the morning, I was not so tired after feeding Chase that I decided the walk to the crib was too far away and he could just sleep with us. I was not awakened a few hours later by Ted asking, “Where is Chase?” which caused me to jump in fear and realize I had covered him up with our blanket at some point. He was sleeping soundly, but definitely nice and toasty.

I do not occasionally have an iced cold glass of caffeinated, carbonated, high fructose corn syrup-ed Dr. Pepper and enjoy it
thoroughly! Nope, not me!

Yesterday Ted and I did not, for the first time, wish that Chase could speak and tell us why he was screaming. I did not assume it was hunger, even though it wasn’t his hungry cry, and feed him over and over trying to soothe him. After the feeding didn’t work, I did not then assume it was gas. We did not spend spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get the gas from his body and read that a warm bath and a massage might help. When I took his diaper off, and he immediately stopped his crying/screaming, I did not then realize the reason for all of the fuss! Slowly but surely the little plastic ring from his circ had been falling off of his penis on one side and pulling on the other! He didn’t have a gas bubble, no, he was hurting!!
Ted and I definitely did not cringe and feel awful.

After we realized Chase’s little peanut was hurting, we did not decide to let him take a extra long, warm bath and then remain naked for most of the night. Chase did not pee all over Ted during that diaper-less time :)

I did not (finally) get asked “when are you due?” while out running errands. I was not expecting this to happen sooner or later and this did not make me even more self conscience. This is why;
I couldn’t blame her for asking because I do look 20 weeks prego :/

During church Sunday, I was not embarrassed when Chase decided to poop during the service (he is a loud pooper- he grunts so loudly while doing so too). Nope, not me!

Saturday late evening, early morning I did not have a melt down and sit in bed sobbing as my little man ate. Nope, not me.

I do not usually have a “break down” in 1 out of every 3 days and usually during late night, early morning feedings.

I was not slightly embarrassed to write the above ‘not me’.

I did not take me over 4 hours to finish this between feedings, a quick shower after Chase threw up in my hair, getting one load of laundry started, making a pot of decaf coffee, rocking Chase to sleep. Nope, not me.

‘Not me Monday’ #5

Today I am a little more optimistic about waiting for the baby to come. I’m not as antsy or anxious, well at least not yet. Here is to hoping, right?

I haven’t done a ‘not me monday’ for a while, so enjoy…

This blog carnival was created by mkmama. A ‘Not me Monday’ is a funny way to ‘fess up some embarrassing things you’ve done that week… by pretending you totally did not actually do them. Here we go again!
Ted planned a movie date for us, which was supposed to happen Saturday morning. We were going to see My Sisters Keeper, because for once a preview for a movie looked worth seeing in theatre (I am more of a wait and rent it kinda girl). I did not cancel the movie date with my husband in exchange for garage saleing because I was afraid I would sob just as bad and hysterically as I did watching P.S. I love you for the 4th time the other night. Nope, not me!
I did not begin sobbing while watching P.S. I love you before the part of the movie that I cry the most at came on. I did not make my 16 year old sister incredibly uncomfortable and left to comfort her 22 year old “adult” sister ;) Nope not me!

I did not just delete the ‘not me’ paragraph that was just where I am typing now because I realized it was a tad inappropriate! Nope, not me!
After leaving the hospital incredibly disappointed yesterday (read below blog), I did not ask Ted to stop and get me a decaffeinated star bucks, hoping that would cheer me up. And as we waited in the drive thru line for our drinks, the lady at the window did not notice our hospital bags in the back and ask if we were headed to the hospital. I told her we had a false alarm and we were headed home. She did not then decide that this was the perfect time to share two birth stories with me (remember we’re in the drive thru with cars behind us). She also did not encourage me to push every time I have a braxton hicks contraction, which is what she said she did to put herself into labor with her first son! As we drove away, Ted did not look at me with excitement and say, “You should try that!” I did not roll my eyes and say “Yeah, that sounds fun and completely natural!” all the while deep inside, I did not even consider this ;) Nope, not me!

Saturday evening I did not order a medium Gourmet Chicken Garlic pizza from Papa Murphys (my fav). I did not eat the entire pizza (minus 3 pieces, but only cuz Ted asked me to save him some) all by myself in a matter of a few hours. Nope, not me!
Ted just (literally) got out of the shower and came to give me a kiss and said, okay I’m going to go put some clothes on, I did not say “Go to work naked today!” thinking I am incredibly funny and I did not begin laughing hysterically. In fact, I am not still laughing. I love my pregnancy emotions! Nope, not me!

I did not chew my beautiful finger nails down to nothing in the past week due to anxiousness. Nope, not me!

I do not have toes that look like mini sausages and feet that look as bloated as a dead cow (a dead cow was the only thing that came to mind…) Nope, not me!

I do not avoid looking at full length mirrors if I can help it.
I did not eat 1.35 a scoop Chinese 4 times within the past two weeks and I definitely didn’t order 4 egg rolls each time and eat them all by myself. Nope, not me!
I obviously do not have a problem with food. Nope, not me!

I have not had extreme bouts of tears the past 3 days, nope, not me!

I do not constantly forget things and in fact forget what kind of ‘not me’ things I have done in the past 2 weeks of not updating. I know there are more but this will have to do :)

‘Not me Monday’ #4

This blog carnival was created by mkmama. A ‘Not me Monday’ is a funny way to ‘fess up some embarrassing things you’ve done that week… by pretending you totally did not actually do them. Here we go again!
I did not have my first “I’m in labor” dream and wake up panicked, thinking that I really was. Nope, not me!
I am not getting more emotional with each passing day. Nope, not me.
I did not drive 20-30 minutes just to go to BabysRus and I did not return the incredible (& expensive) baby bath we bought with shower money, just so I could get a cheaper one and buy $30 worth of baby items with the extra money. I’m still not sure that was the best idea… we shall see!
I did not then try to talk myself in then out of getting a Cherry limeade at the Sonic on the way back. I did not try and justify it by say to myself “Sonic is so far away from my home, so I can treat myself, just this once…” Nope, not me!
I did not wake up at 3:30 am one morning this week for no apparent reason & when I could not go back to sleep, I did not try waking my hubby around 4:30 and he did not finally wake up around 5:30 with a wife ready to hang out and chitchat. That’s so insensitive, nope not me! (this isn’t the first time and probably not the last).
I do not constantly stub my toes or walk into the crib next to our bed when I wake to use the bathroom numerous times a night (Petra, you were right!) and I did not finally decide to move our bed over 1/2 foot and probably soon 1 foot.
When entering our car, I do not enter slowly, like I’ve had a recent hip replacement. Nope, not me.
I do not constantly (still) underestimate the size of my growing belly and hit it on tables, counters, swinging doors, etc. Nope, not me!
I also do not try and turn sideways to let someone pass beside me in a narrow hall or in the lunch/dinner lines… Surely by now I would learn that I’m bigger sideways! Nope, not me!
I do not have a secret stash of Hershey’s cookies & cream bars hidden in our freezer. And I will not hurt one of the boys, if they were discovered. Nope, not me!
I am not currently ignoring the piles of laundry sitting right in front of me, to do my ‘not me Monday’ update. Nope, not me.
I’m not at all worried that soon my bella band will no longer fit this belly that somehow continues to grow farther out. Without the bella band my stomach will be exposed or I will need to wear Ted’s shirts… nope, not me!
I am not extremely thankful for my growing belly because it hides my legs below. And I am notworried about what I will see after the belly is gone and baby is in my arms. 30 lbs later, surely my legs will be the same size as pre-pregnancy right?!
I have notlost” my cell phone numerous times while sitting down, only to find it on my lapclose to my belly each time. Whether I’m sitting in our car, in our bed, on our couch, etc. Didn’t realize how often I use my leg to hold my phone!
While sitting home alone on Friday evening, I was not worried when a tornado watch was in effect for the counties surrounding ours, and I was not convinced it was coming our way and constantly checking out the window and watching the news. I also did not call Ted telling him how worried I was. Nope, not me.
When showering each morning, I am not constantly forgetting my routine. I do not stand in the shower longer, trying to figure out what I’ve done and what comes next… nope not me!
did not just spell routine in the above sentence like this; ruetine. Spell check is not my new best friend while prego. Nope, not me!
did not spend 10-15 minutes searching for a shirt that will cover my entire belly and I did not spill on that shirt during lunch that same day, then say “Oh well” and still continue to wear it cause it fitNope, not me.
I am not at all embarrassed at how badly my face swells up some days and want to hide away.Nope, not me.

I did not cry while watching a video on the stages of birth, during our birthing class yesterday. Nope not me! (Even despite how tired I will be after the birth of our baby, I will probably still sob!)
I am not in a constant battle within, one day hoping the baby will come early and others hoping the baby will go full term. I can’t make up my mind!
I did not originally wanted him/her to come June 16 because 3 years ago on that day Ted and I became a couple and had our first “date” and I did not recently change my mind because I realized just how close that actually is. One week from today! Nope, not me!

‘Not Me Monday’ #3

Week 34 pics, finally!

My buddha belly (as my brother likes to call it)

My balloon belly, cause it looks like I stuck a balloon under my shirt. I just had to post this.

‘Not me Monday’:

This blog carnival was created by mkmama. A ‘Not me Monday’ is a funny way to ‘fess up some embarrassing things you’ve done that week… by pretending you totally did not actually do them. Here we go again!

I do not wake our baby when I first wake up, if he/she doesn’t respond to my first few words in the morning, by shifting it’s weight or poking.
I did not receive a gift the night before our shower, in front of my dad and my brother, called a hooter hider. Awkward. Nope not me!

I did not wake up the morning of our first baby shower as excited as a child on Christmas morning.

At our baby shower, I did not repeatedly forget people’s names, people I’ve known for years! Nope, not me!

After our “little scare” at the hospital last week, I did not finally get a wake up call at how close we are to meeting our baby and I did not just now sign us up for 2 condensed child birthing classes and the tour of our hospital birthing center. Nope not me!
When I ran into our bank today I did not hand the bank teller $40 check and ask her to cash it and then hand her $40 cash and ask her to put it in our account. I did not all along, obviously have have the $40 cash I already needed. oh my word, not me!

I do not always seem to spill food on my chest or my belly every single day and I have not placed cloths on my chest while eating at home, just because of this. Nope not me!

While in the hospital early thursday morning, I did not forget to pee in a cup after stripping down and putting a gown on and when our nurse asked me for the urine sample she did not tell me I had placenta brain and laugh. It was a simple task, Nope, not me!

I did not eagerly look forward to writing another not me Monday post and I did not, yet again, forget half of the things I originally want to share. Nope, not me!

I do not get confused while writing sentences, saying ‘I did not’ for the things I really have. Nope, not me!

‘Not me Monday’ on a Tuesday.

Another ‘not me Monday’ post only this time, on a Tuesday!
This blog carnival was created by mkmama. A ‘Not me Monday’ is a funny way to ‘fess up some embarrassing things you’ve done that week… by pretending you totally did not actually do them. So here goes;

‘Not me!” #2:
I did not forget to do a ‘not me Monday’ post yesterday. Nope, not me!
I did not accidentely get toothpaste on the shirt covering my baby bump while brushing my teeth and I did not wear that shirt to work because I hadn’t realized it!
On Wednesday, I did not cry after calling and wishing my youngest sister happy 16th birthday… I’m never that emotional, nope not me!
During my reception postition on Thursday, I did not answer the phone with “Hello” instead of “Youth with a mission Denver, this is Jami, how may I help you?. And when they responded with, “Is this Youth with a Mission?” I did not say, “This is Jami…” Like they had called my cell phone! So unprofessional, Nope, not me!

During my biweekly checkup at the clinic this week, I did not at first close my eyes as the nurse weighed me and I did not then peek once I heard her slide the little thing over and I definitely did not see an even higher number than I did two weeks before. I also did not make my disappointment obvious causing the nurse to laugh at me. Nope, not me!
While doing our laundry last week, I did not accidently leave a permanent marker in Ted’s pants pocket and I did not then wash our lights load with this permanent marker and it did not ruin on of my favourite shirts and I did not stain most of his undershirts because of this marker. Nope, not me!
It did not take me 22 minutes to walk (well, waddle) around the pond by our work which usually take me a matter of minutes. I am much faster than that, so nope, not me!

While running errands, I did not wet myself a little too much when I sneezed two times in a row, causing me to run home to change. Nope, not me! (My first time, okay… and I’m 34 weeks!)

When I first wrote the above ‘not me’ post about wetting myself, I definitely did not forget what week I am and write 24 weeks instead of 34… My mind is a lot more in tune than that, so nope not me!

When waking up thirsty at 4am, I did not chug Sprite because I was too lazy to find my water bottle and it did not immediately give Baby E/C hiccups. What a terrible mother I would be, nope, not me!

I did not wake up at 4:40 am this morning for no apparent reason (other than the quick bathroom run). And I did not wake my sleeping husband and hour later because I wanted to talk baby and hang out. Nope, not me!
I do not get up to use the bathroom at least 3 times a night now a days. Nope, not me!

I do not spill food or a beverage somewhere on my shirt at least once a day.

I do not always forget about the many embarrassing things I do throughout the week and only write a few on my blog. Nope, not me!

My First ‘Not me Monday’.

Welcome to ‘Not me Monday’! This blog carnival was created by mkmama. A ‘Not me Monday’ is a funny way to ‘fess up some embarrassing things you’ve done that week… by pretending you totally did not actually do them. So here goes;

This past week, I did not buy a bag of powdered donuts and I definitely did not almost eat the entire bag by myself before my hubby caught me. Nope, not me!

I did not cry hysterically when a spider ran across my foot one morning and I did not stand on the bed crying until my hubby killed it for me. I would never do that! Nope, not me!

I did not get soap in my eyes and mouth in the shower and I did not forget about my growing belly and proceed to spit the soap onto it. Nope, not me!

At our saturday garage sale, I did not forget how to use a calculator and look like a complete idiot and of course I did not have to trust the people buying items to be honest and help me do the math. Nope, not me!

This week, I did not keep silent as a dog got blamed for one of my bodily functions… Nope, definitely not me!!

I did not secretly desire to find the envelope which holds the ultrasound picture of our baby’s sex and is hidden by my hubby somewhere around our home. Nope, not me!

I did not update my blog numerous times the past ten days. I would never! Nope, not me!

And, I definitely did not update our daily life blog and my personal blog as well. I am never on the internet that often, Nope, not me!

I do not check my baby blog about 12 times a day, just to see if there is anything I could or should add or if anyone else voted on our polls. Nope, not me!

I did not have two safeway employees comment on my size and they were not at all shocked when I told them I still have 7 weeks to go, and I definitely did not cry on the way home because of it! Nope, not me!

I did not sit and eat all of the chocolate out of our new tub of moose tracks ice cream and I definitely did not eat the entire tub in two days. Nope, not me!

I do not still try and squeeze into my size 5 capris and I definitely don’t wear them out in public often and I do not wear a bella band to cover the fact that I can’t button them. Nope, not me!

I did not have McDonald’s sausage egg mcmuffins for breakfast twice this week. That’s so unhealthy, so nope, definitely not me!

I did not get a charlie horse around 3 am one night this week and I definitely did not punch Ted’s back and wake him and the baby because of it. Nope, not me!

I did not run out of things to write because I am not an airhead these days. Nope, never me!