The birth story of Everly Selah Davis.

The birth story of Everly Selah Davis.

Though this was my 4th birth, 3rd C-section and 2nd planned C-section… my nerves were still undone just a few hours before the scheduled birth of our precious little girl!

Saying goodbye to my kids, though obviously temporary, is still difficult and very bittersweet. I kissed my little guys and Ted and I headed out. “Next time you see momma, your baby sister will be here!”
Everly-0001

I have to mentally prepare myself as best I can before heading into the hospital: the sites, the smells, even some of the same nurses, etc. It is the hospital that I’ve had my best and my worst moments of my life in. The birth of our firstborn son July 18, 2009 and then the death and 3 day labor then birth of our first daughter September 17, 2010. Some have asked why we don’t switch hospitals and find different doctors. But the truth is… I trust our doctor and he’s been through the most difficult pregnancy and birth with us, I couldn’t ask for anyone else to help me deliver my babies.

This time around, I had a lot more peace than I did when I arrived to have Shailo, just 14 months after the loss of Eisley. I felt ready to have Everly. I felt ready to meet our little girl.

I checked in 2 hours prior to my surgery (as required) and soon began the poking and prodding. I was priding myself in the difference between 22-year-old me getting an IV put in when in labor with Chase and how well I was taking it a few years and a few babies later …”taking it like a champ”. However, before I could pat myself on the back too much, the nurse dug and dug around and I almost passed out. My world went gray and cloudy, noises sounded funny and I felt like I could literally hear each beat of my heart. They waved a strong scent in front of my nose and my eye popped open. I could hear my nurses LAUGHING… “That was the LOWEST I’ve ever seen anyone’s blood pressure fall without them passing out!”

Oh, gee, glad I could make you LAUGH. Haha! I came back around, somewhat glad for a temporary distraction to keep me from watching the hand tick on the clock in my hospital room. Has it been 2 hours yet? Ugh, 45 minutes (or so) to go. I haven’t been able to eat OR drink anything since 10pm the night before and I’m thirsty… so they feed me ice chips. Mmm. And then just when I think my throat couldn’t possibly get any more dry… they offer me a shot of the nastiest gunk… ironically to help ease the feelings of nausea that could come with meds and anitheisia they would soon give me.

Everly-0002Dr. Hill and the anesthesiologist gave Ted permission to photograph the birth! And this time they gave him even more free reign!
Everly-0003Everly-0004(when Ted showed me pics of the birth I saw this pic and it made me cry!)Everly-0005Preparing to stick a big ol’ needle in my spine. Everly-0006Everly-0007(THIS is Dr. Hill. He looks intense and has a super dry sense of humor, but let me tell ya, this man rocks. It kind of took me until we walked through pregnancy and bed rest with Eisley to see his heart, but I couldn’t ask for a better guy to deliver our babies!) Everly-0008The room is freezing, though at this point that is the last thing on my mind. Fear GRIPS me as I lay on the table waiting with baited breath, to hear her cry.
Everly-0009I look calm, but inside I’m anything but. Though it’s not painful, I can still feel them pushing and pulling. I literally feel like someone is sitting on my chest, I can’t breath which by now (remember, 3rd c-section!) I know this means Everly is on her way out!Everly-0011And then it happens. I hear her scream.

(I love these moments Ted captured.)

And then I breath and I cry with relief.

Everly-0012

Dr. Hill pops her head and body over the blue curtain that separates us, and I get my first peek at the beautiful life I’ve waited to see for months.

Welcome to the world, Sweet Ever!

Everly-0013Ignore the needle (Or perhaps I just pointed it out to you)… take in my face. OH MY HEART. Everly-0014Everly-0015Everly-0017Smaller than her brothers.
Everly-0019
They allow skin to skin in the operating room now (awesome, right?!) Although, and I’m still not sure why, I wasn’t able to do that. They sewed me up and I wasn’t able to hold her until I was in the recovery room. I was shaking and falling asleep (due to the meds) so it was probably for the best. When I did get to hold her, she nursed right away and did amazing! I didn’t want her to leave my arms. Everly-0020Proud daddy. Everly-0021We were so thankful they allowed my Mother-in-law Anisa to be in the room. She wasn’t allowed with Shailo and that was a bit devastating for her.
Everly-0022Everly-0023First official bath. The nurses kept commenting on how perfect her colouring was! Pink little lady!Everly-0024Meeting my dad, Grandpa Matt, who is head over heels for her.Everly-0026Meeting her brothers.Everly-0025

Proud brothers! Chase’s told Shailo, “I wish you could have a sister, Brother!” as he held her. Umm, buddy, you’ll be sharing her :)

Everly Selah’s birth day was one filled with excitement, joy and peace.

Words can’t express how thankful I am that our Father allowed another beautiful girl to be apart of the Davis clan. While she doesn’t replace Eisley in any way – they both hold such a special, unique place in this momma-heart of mine – He has already used Ever to help heal areas in my life that I didn’t think possible. We are so grateful for this precious little bundle!

Everly-0001

Now we’ve blinked and our sweet girl is 4 months old!

a {different} beautiful dream.

It’s a moment I will never forget, probably because it was one that would either scar a person for life, or move them to tears. It was the very first time I witnessed a birth, at the young age of 13. I was watching the kiddos of my mom’s friend while she labored away in their home. My mom was there and as the time of their daughter’s birth neared, they asked me if I would like to be in the room. I decided I did and I have never regretted that decision since. It was beautiful and I knew at the moment, that was what I hoped for some day. I always knew I wanted a family (being the eldest, I always did), but now I knew how I wanted to birth my children. In the peace of our home.

Years later, I was 24 weeks pregnant, I had a wonderful midwife and a beautiful birth story all planned out.  But they were telling me that I was Group B Strep positive and I was told that I wouldn’t be able to have the home birth I had always dreamt of (I later learned, you actually can be GBS + and still have a home birth, but thankfully He knew what we needed at the time). I was crushed. I mean, devesated. I balled and balled. Ted, who was never fully at peace with the idea of a home birth, finally felt peace and knew this was the best decision for us. Then, at almost 42 weeks they told me the likelihood of me having to have a c-section was great. Many factors that weren’t adding up. I felt like the biggest failure, frustrated with my body for being unable to have my baby naturally.

I won’t go into detail Chase’s birth story, if you’re really curious – just click here as I have written his birth story online once before. To sum it up, 42 hours of labor, 3.5 hours of pushing, making it all the way to 10cm only to have him get stuck and unable to fit and come out. I had him by c-section, totally exhausted and drugged up and unable to remember anything or hold him until a day later.

My perspective has greatly changed since we’ve lost Eisley. I have since realized, through our own life experience, that any birth story that is able to bring the baby to your arms, alive, is the really best birth story there is.

Words can’t express how incredibly thankful I am that I was able to have Eisley naturally (vaginally) 73 hours of labor later I met our sweet girl face to face. It wasn’t what I had dreamt when I thought of having a baby but I am so very thankful that I was able to hold my daughter, to see her precious face before we said goodbye, and because of that, I wouldn’t trade any of those 73 hours in for anything. (we just recently had the 2nd anniversaries or her death -september 14th and her birthday – september 17th. Blog post about those precious anniversaries, soon.)

I decided to schedule a c-section with Shailo. There was really no question in my mind. I knew I couldn’t go through another long labor that would potentially result in a c-section, again. And also, I felt a natural birth was too traumatic from going through what we had with Eisley just shy of 14 months before. So, in regards to a c-section, even though it was a dream lost – I was able to have two beautiful boys due to them. So very thankful we live in a day and age that it is possible.

I kind of digress, but I wanted to share a bit of my heart behind what I’m about what I am really blogging about. When I was pregnant with Chase, Eisley and Shailo I enjoyed looking through photographs of birth stories – home births, c-section births, hospital births… I was constantly moved to tears by them. In my pregnancy with Shailo I really felt that God gave me an incredible dream. I wanted to be a birth photographer. I wanted to capture “that moment” for another. You know, that one moment when the mother first meets their baby face to face. The moment when they birth their baby and he/she is placed on their chest. The incredible emotion, the overwhelming love… that moment. That specific moment was one that I was unable to have but I wanted to capture that for someone else.

And, the story beforehand and those precious moments afterwards. But especially the moment the momma (and daddy) first sees their little one.

The question, “How could you photograph…”that moment”… something you’ve never experienced yourself?” started to plague my mind. And while that makes total sense in a way, I had to battle that. I honestly think there will always be this yearning in my heart. Wondering what “that” moment would be like. And even without the experience of a home birth or a completely natural, un-medicated birth, I feel that yearning so strong that I am able to truly capture the moments I would believe to be beautiful – as if it were my birth story. What would I want captured?

Another thing that began to draw out insecurity from within me was knowing that I wasn’t a professional photographer, so how could I just jump right in. My wonderful hubby jumped on board with my dream and wanted to help me in any way possible. So he has been teaching me. :) I have a lot to learn but I can already see a change in the work that I do. And also, I don’t want to be a professional photographer, maybe not ever, right now I just know I want to understand the camera and how to best captures those moments for someone else.

So how do I begin?

I knew that I wanted to start with friends, but even with close friends… how do you ask something like that? “Hi, I’d like to photograph your birth story, what do ya think?” The first thought of many is most likely – “I don’t want …down there… photographed!” haha. Thankfully, I was spared that awkward conversation and just 3 weeks after I shared this dream with Ted (October 2011), a friend of mine called me. She asked if I would consider photographing the birth of their son, Seth. I literally got goosebumps and tears filled my eyes. I was honoured to shoot my first birth in April.

During the birth of my friend Brittany’s son, I was asked to shoot my second birth by another dear friend, Bethany. She was Brittany’s doula and a long time friend and inspiration of mine. The amazing thing is that when I had shared with Ted about my dream, I had told Ted that I wanted to ask Bethany when they got pregnant with their next baby. And not too long later, they shared they were pregnant with baby #7! On September 15th, just a few weeks ago, I shot my second birth – the beautiful birth of their 4th daughter; Lilyana Elaine.

I hope to share both birth stories here soon. Today I will be posting the birth story of Seth Tyrus Maxwell (with permission.)

I am hoping for more wonderful opportunities like the two I’ve had this year. So very thankful for this dream I believe He’s given me and can’t wait to see how He will use this and bless others with it! Possible overseas someday? We shall see!

I just wanted to share a little bit about the story behind this dream that I believe God’s birthed in me (pun intended ;)) Thanks for stopping by!

One week; wishing time would stand still.

It has been one week since we first held our sweet Eisley and had to say our earthly goodbye. I wrote in my journal of how I wish time would stand still. Time is moving forward a lot faster than my heart is healing. I close my eyes and imagine myself holding her for the first time again. Remembering how in awe I was at her tiny hand between my thumb and finger. I can still picture her tiny little Chase-like nose and her beautiful mouth shape and lips. Her tiny soft toes… everything so perfect.

After she passed away Tuesday and we decided to be induced, they told us that is could take a while for my body to deliver, because it just wasn’t time. They told us that there will be changes her body will make immediately and they prepared us for what we might see. They told us that her skin would be lose and could even be falling off and that her features will have changed. I immediately wondered if we should just do the c-section so things would be over quickly. But they reminded me to think about future pregnancies and also the healing process which would be incredibly difficult on top of the loss of our daughter. I couldn’t even believe I had to face these questions right away and to think about being pregnant again… hours after losing her… it was the most difficult thing.

The 3 decisions to choose from for delivery were; one, a c-section. two, induced labor. Or three, go home and wait for my body to naturally go into labor. I knew immediatley 3 was out of the picture. It had only been 2 hours of knowing she had passed and I ached knowing that she was inside of me, but she was no longer alive. No way could I go weeks of waiting for my body to deliver her. And they also told us that Eisley would have a lot of changes during that time. I couldn’t bare the thought of what we might see weeks later.

We choose to be induced. It took 3 days (72 hours) for my body to deliver her naturally but we don’t regret the decision. We we’re able to see our daughter and she wasn’t anything like they had told us.

When I delivered her (which someday I will share about the actually delivery part and maybe soon) I was terrified to look at her. I actually asked them to clean her and dress her before I saw her, because I was so afraid of what I would see. Ted later told me, he was afraid too.

The nurse I had at the time I delivered her said, “Oh Jami, she is so beautiful.” She paused and I wondered if she just had to say that. “She is so beautiful. I was afraid of what we would see since she passed away 3 days ago… but she is perfect.” I just looked at Ted’s expression as he looked down at our daughter and realized, our nurse was right. Ted’s face said it all. She was perfect.

Even no matter what she would have looked like, she would have been perfect to us. Although, I am extremly thankful that it didn’t end up being what they had told us. Thank you God.

One thing that helps me are the photos Ted took of our little Eisley. It felt so strange to pull out the camera in a time like that, but we knew we would want photos of our daughter because our memory may fail us, although I pray we will never forget.

(I may never share all of the photos, just some for now….)

Ted and I both wish we could have had more time with her, but we agreed that any amount of time with her, wouldn’t have been enough. We were only able to keep her with us for a few hours after her delivery because of the changes her body would go through outside the womb. I’ve already shared, but the time we did have with her were that of peace. We felt complete peace as we held our little Eisley and we knew it was right that she was with Him.

We didn’t get a lot of time with her on earth, but I do believe that I will see her again and I will spend eternity with her. Right now she’s hanging out with Jesus and He’s telling her how much she was and is loved by us and by Him.  A friend gave me a photo last night that made her think of Eisley. It is incredible.

It makes the ache inside a little easier when I think of her in heaven. Healed and whole. In the arms of Jesus, who’s showing her the universe.

Birth Story (Part 2): “Pain with a Purpose”

You can read the prequel here or part 1 here.

Even though I am posting this almost 9 months later this is very accurate for I wrote most of this not long after his birth. And between Ted tweeting and my mom posting every detail, I have the most accurate timeline of the events. I’m so thankful though, because I wouldn’t have remembered the very hour and timing of everything!

Birth story continued …

Induction began immediately. At 9:30 am they placed the pill Cervidil on my cervix to “ripen” it. They told me to walk around in the halls to “get things moving” and they would check on me in 4 hours and put another pill inside. My body reacted almost immediately to induction and within 1 hour 1/2 in I felt cramping, like I began a horrible period. Soon I began having irregular contractions and surprisingly only 8-10 minutes apart.

At 1:30 pm they checked me and I had already dilated to 1 cm although my cervix was still high. I remember being incredibly excited. Progress already! They placed another pill inside and again told me to walk and they would check me in 3 hours. We did this and again 1 hour 1/2 in I felt even more intense cramping and contractions were coming closer together now, but nothing unbearable yet.

As the more regular and stronger contractions came, my mom or Ted began using the many pain coping techniques we had learned and/or brought with us. They would use a “head wizard” massager to relax me, we also had white noise playing in the background and Ted or my mom stood by my side soothing me with distractions such as back scratches or foot massages. My mom also read me the comments people were leaving on her facebook and mine to distract and encourage me :)

At 5:30 pm they checked my cervix again and this was when they began the Pitocin drip (the first time). I was still at 1 cm and my cervix was still high, but my contractions were getting stronger. I remember telling my mom and Ted that I had never in my life been so excited for pain to come. I knew it meant progress. “Pain with a purpose”. I remember this teaching our birthing class and it was helpful when the hard contractions began.

Around 6: 45 pm I began felt the most intense cramping and pressure yet. This is when I began my breathing that I had learned.  At this point I wasn’t walking around because I was hooked to the monitor, watching the baby’s hearbeats and my contractions, as well as on the pitocin drip. Sure enough, one contraction immediately followed the next putting them at 3 minutes apart!

The next few hours were very intense. My mind and my energy, all focused on getting through each contraction. I began moaning deeply through each and Ted and my mom were constantly by my bedside helping me along. We also tried different techniques that we had learned in our birthing class and rotated them often; the birthing ball, the glider chair and finally I asked to sit in the bath tub in hot water. The put a mermaid monitor on my belly and in I went.

That was such a relief to get through the contractions which now were giving me close to no break due to the fact that we were unnaturally induced. I found out later that my body reacted to be induced and this made my contractions literally fall one on top of the other. I remember we had been taught in our birthing class, one of the only times the contractions would be unbearable would be when you are induced and especially if you are on Pitocin. My mom also told me she once had to use Pitocin and she too felt “as though she was going to die”. That might sound dramatic, but seriously the most intense pain I’ve ever had.

Side note: Before labor I read the worst things about Pitocin; it could cause the baby to become drowsy and/or his/her heart rate could drop dangerously low or the opposite… just as much as the mommy may have little to no break between contractions… the baby also struggles and this could cause stress on him/her. (Later, most of these were true in our case.)

It was in and out of the tub for hours, rotating between the birthing ball, the glider and draining and refilling the tub with hot water for my comfort. At 10:08 pm, in the tub I felt “pop” from within and then a gush of something come out of me. (Weirdest. feeling. ever.) I told Ted I thought my water just broke so he flipped on the light (we mood lit the bathroom). I looked down to see the nastiest things floating around with me. My mom paged a nurse with the news. Ted and my mom checked it out and Ted said “baby, don’t look.” He later told me he wasn’t sure if it was normal and if everything was okay, so he didn’t want me to see. After he “examined” it  he said, “Baby, I think you pooped yourself.” And my mom agreed with him. I was still staring at the fluid and suddenly questioned myself, some of it did look like poop. Then I said, “I know that didn’t come from… there!”

Seconds later a nurse walked in and told me that my water had broke and that we actually were seeing poop. It was our baby’s meconium or “first poop”.

That was when the worst of the contractions began, much stronger than before. We spent the next two hours trying our dif techniques and nothing was helping. Contractions were barely 2 minutes apart, even with them having taken the pitocin drip off before the tub (due to Chase’s heart rate). So I got back in bed and began to moan through each one, my mom and Ted by my side.

16 hours in, 1:30 am, I was devastated to hear I was only 2 cm. Our nurse told us we had a ways to go and the offered us a two choices; an epidural or narcotics through IV.

Side note: I had researched a lot of the two and honestly, the epidural ruled out to be the safer of the two meaning an epidural would affect the baby slightly, causing him/her to have drowsiness when born. The drugs through IV would flood through my blood directly to baby and effect him/her immediately and could result in fetal respiratory distress along with extreme drowsiness.

I regret to say, I actually said yes to Stadol, even having known the side affects, (but only ONE shot) which caused me to feel the pain slightly but I was completely out of it. Ted and my mom said I kept saying “you have no idea, the pain I am in”.

When the Stadol wore off,  I talked with Ted and tearfully decided to do an epidural. I felt so dissapointed in myself, but knew this was the best decision, knowing that I wouldn’t be having a baby anytime soon. Ted told me when we made that decision he felt sick to his stomach. He knew if anything happened to our baby, I would blame myself. My mom left the room when we decided and later told me she had cried because she knew this wasn’t our dream birth plan, this wasn’t what I wanted.

Once I receieved the epidural (around 3 am) I slept so well. Until 6:45 when they woke me, check me, told me I was at 3 cm and began the Pitocin drip (again).

The next sequence of events still haunt me. Again, I know it sounds dramatic, but I am serious. To me, this was the hardest, scariest part of my birth story. I ask if  you are pregnant, please do not read below.

At 8: 45 am, I awoke to a loud beeping sound from the monitor. Chase’s heart rate has drastically dropped. Two nurses came in and rolled me from one side to another. It took them a few minutes to get his heart rate back to normal and those few minutes terrified me. I thought I was losing my baby.

From that moment on, I couldn’t take my eyes off the monitor. I watched my baby’s every heart beat and occasionally would shut my eyes. Ted, my mom and my grandma all tried to convince me that everything was okay, that I didn’t need to watch the monitor and that I needed to rest. I didn’t listen to them. They couldn’t convince me.

They then called the nurse in to have her comfort me and she tried but honestly, I was just too terrified.  She then put me on oxygen, checked me, told me I was 4 cm. She told me I must calm down and relax for our baby’s sake. I did calm and only watched the monitor every once and a while, trusting the nurses.

At 10:15 am I watch as my baby’s heart rate drops and then goes silent. Again two nurses come in, try to roll me to find a heart beat. Nothing. Another nurse walks in with a tool in hand. They have me lie flat on my back, insert a heart rate monitor inside and still find nothing. I panicked, we were so close and here I was losing my baby, or so I thought. Seconds later, they found his heart beat. I couldn’t calm down this time around, I was terrified. I just wanted our baby out and now. I wanted a c-section. The nurse and soon, Dr. Hill came and calmed me down. Apparently our baby wasn’t reacting well to not having breaks. Even though I couldn’t feel the contractions, the baby sure could and he wasn’t getting a break. They decided to take me off Pitocin for good.

Around 12 they check me and received good news. We were at progressing; 5 cm. At this rate, we would have him/her that evening!

We were totally wiped, ready to meet our little one, weary of the emotional ups and downs. But this was the good news we needed to hear to keep pressing on. Because each time they checked me, we were one step closer. Maybe, just maybe, we could have him naturally (vs. cesarean) after all.

The final part coming soon…

Birth Story (Part 1): The Biggest Decision.

(If you haven’t already, you can read the birth story prequel here first.)

I had this “feeling” that I was having a girl, and that I would have “her” early and the labor would only be 6 hours long…

So imagine my surprise when all of my “feelings” turned out to be waaaay off! I was due July 9th and was incredibly surprised when I passed this date, not by 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, or 8 days but 9!! Nine exhausting, emotional days where each hour felt like an eternity. If you’ve been there then you totally know that this is not an exaggeration. If you haven’t been there, then I hope you never have to experience what I am talking about!

(I now know when I talk to first time moms to gently let them know, they might need to prepare themselves mentally, for being overdue or if their birth plan is altered! I would have appreciated more of that!)

I met with our Doctor almost every day after that. Each appointment he told me the same thing; my cervix was high and posterior and I wasn’t dilated at all. He gave me natural induction ideas and exercises, but none of which worked for me. Each time we walked away with our baby still inside, gaining ounces daily. Our arms ACHED to hold him/her.

(my last official prego pic before Chase arrived)

On Thursday July 16th we had another appointment, by this time 7 days overdue. For how huge Baby and I were, I felt surprisingly good, just emotionally worn out and ready to meet our baby.

At 8:30 am Dr. Hill checked my cervix, which was still closed, posterior, high and baby was head down but still high. I was so disappointed to hear that again. This time Dr. Hill sat us down in his office and laid out our options;
1. We could “wait out the weekend” and see if I went into labor on my own, baby and cervix cooperated and I deliver. I asked him, “What are my chances of going into labor on my own this weekend.” He didn’t think I would and even if I did, he thought it would end in a c section.
2. He then told us what he recommended; a scheduled C-section for Monday July 20th.
3. But he knew our birth plan and knew we wanted to try to deliver naturally, (vaginal) so he gave me the final option; being induced right away.
I felt so torn, nervous, afraid, even terrified that we might make the wrong decision. The questions flooded my mind; Why couldn’t I have just gone into labor on my own? Why did this have to be so complicated and difficult? I looked over at Ted. I already knew what he wanted to do. We were both so weary of coming in appointment after appointment and hearing nothing new and that it would be an even longer wait until we met him/her.
One encouraging factor was I did not have to make this decision alone. Ted was very much apart of every single step along the way. He was phenomenal. And this was the biggest decision we had ever run into as a couple, I mean, it had to do with another human being! We were an array of emotions that morning, more than I could describe to you with my words.
The final decision; I wanted a chance. I knew that I needed to at least try to deliver him/her naturally and I knew that this was my chance. I knew if I didn’t I would always wonder if I could have given birth naturally. This might not make sense, but it’s what I needed to do. Even having had an abnormally long labor, I still do not regret this decision. {Not one bit}

I told Dr. Hill that I wanted to be induced if this was my chance to try. He immediately picked up the phone, called the hospital and then told me to head over. The short drive to the hospital and the walk to the birth center was incredibly emotional. We were thrilled but I was mostly so afraid of the unknown. Even with all of the preparation we’d had, nothing could have prepared us for what we were about to walk through. Nothing could have prepared us for how emotionally rocked we would be during the next 42 hours and 12 minutes… (and for me, regarding this birth story, months after).
We both felt strongly of giving our son the name Chase Journey so to us it was not at all ironic or coincidental that his birth was in fact, a journey.

Stay tuned for part 2, coming soon…

Birth Story Prequel.

It is finally happening. I am posting the birth story. And in a 3 part series with a prequel. Long huh? And I am even posting the condensed version! It has been a long and healing process to write this. I decided to post this by Chase’s 1/2 birthday which is Monday. And here we are, already!

This blog is just a little background before I begin. If you’ve been following my blog throughout this journey, I’m sorry if this is repetitive!

Well… I’m ready, here we go!

During our birthing classes we were given an assignment which I’ve talked about this before on a previous blog, but let me refresh. We were given double sided index cards. One side would say something like epidural and the other would be the opposite, so in this case; natural. They had us lay out our ideal birth plan.

After that, they had us flip 3 cards over that we would be okay with changing. And then 3 more cards, which really made my heart drop to think about. Our instructor told us to really think about the possibility that our birth plan “A” and even “B” could be tossed out the window due to circumstances. It was hard, but really good for us to think about.

All of that to say, our birth plan was completely opposite of our “plan A” and even a step behind “plan B”. It was not what I had pictured, imagined or dreamed. We did not have a home birth, we did not have an all natural birth and we did not have a vaginal birth, but as a couple we grew more than we thought possible in our trust in our Father.

This is the story of the birth of our son, Chase Journey Davis.

{There is most definitely an unspeakable joy in this story but you have to wait until the end for that part}

Part 1 coming soon.

A Rant (which I’m afraid I’ll later regret).

HUGE EDIT TO MY POST THIS MORNING. I DELETED A LOT BECAUSE I WAS JUST VENTING AND IT REALLY WASN’T FOR THE BEST.
Recently, someone basically told me that if I had stuck it out and stayed with our midwife, she could have helped me deliver Chase naturally… to me that was such a stab. I feel so hurt. I began to doubt myself and it added to the pain I already feel with my birth story not turning out the way I had dreamed. I think out of everything I’ve been told, that has hurt the worst.
I feel like I am at my boiling point with all of this adding up and the fact that I am not dealing with it. I always do this. Wait until things are boiling over to say anything and by then it’s either too late or I just explode.
I really and truly believe that every women is different in how they parent, lose weight, their birth stories, desire for future kids (or not), etc. I also don’t believe in ONE way of parenting… I think every child is different and has different needs or disciplines or whatever!
I will say this, I am thankful… so so so so thankful for my friendships with mom’s here and far away as well. I seriously have a lot more to be thankful for. I should have done a thankful “rant” instead. I don’t know why, but doesn’t it seem like the negative things stand out more? When I was pregnant, I could have 3 or more people tell me I looked so cute pregnant and 1-2 people say “you are so much bigger than so and so” and only remember or dwell on the 1-2 people’s comments. Why is that??!

My Journey Begins…

7 weeks ago I had a 42 hour labor ending with a C-section to deliver my beautiful (and big) baby boy Chase Journey Davis. Since that day I have been on the road to recovery. Recovering from a C-section has been absolute hell for me. It’s not at all what I dreamed it would be, in fact it is the polar opposite. I always dreamt of having an easy, unmedicated and natural delivery, recovering in a matter of weeks rather than months and a chance to begin working back into my pre-prego body almost immediately.
That didn’t happen, BUT here I am. A hopeful momma on this journey back into being a fit me. I am excited about working out, more than I have ever been in my life. I hope this excitement stays. Here’s to hoping!
This blog is dedicated to my journey of becoming healthy and fit. I will blog about the struggles and the victories as I make my way back down to my natural size. I am determined to become healthy and fit again but most importantly, this time I am determined to learn to love my body throughout this journey. I am determined to have a healthy view of myself and my body image, which is something that I have struggled with even when I was at the unhealthy size 1/2!
I want to have a healthy perspective now more than ever before because I want my son and the children to come to be secure in who they are. Mommy needs to show them this. Oh boy, here we go!
I still have a little less than 3 weeks before I am able to work out. Doctors orders due to some complications my incision has had. I am going to s l o w l y ease into working out and it shall begin with walking! I can’t wait!!
I must say, making a blog about this new journey of losing the baby weight, already makes me feel 10 lbs lighter! Now if only that could be literal. Whatever the case, I am loving it and I am excited to begin this journey!

Milestones.

Having fun with photo booth, haha.

sweet boy. 1m 2w 4d

His eyes keep turning more blue than dark or gray.
Loving it whatever way they are.

Milestones as of the past 3 weeks:

  • sleeping and eating better. Nights aren’t too bad!
  • a lot more aware of familiar faces, voices and toys.
  • gets excited at the above. Today in walmart he was even at the verge of giggling while playing ‘peek-a-boo’. (can’t wait for the official bout of giggles).
  • found his fist which he loves sucking.
  • found momma’s hair
  • found his ears. I captured that moment on video and photo! Soon to post.
  • more excitement shown for bathtimes, ‘mr.moose’, momma & daddy’s faces/voices, swing, etc.
  • holds his head up a lot better and tummy times he enjoys a bit more.
  • cuuuudly!! (with me, mostly… we are working on him being cuddly with daddy)
  • 12 lbs 15 oz!!! (our friends here own a scale). He is evening out though and doesn’t look that big honestly.
It’s crazy how fast time flies. He is already 6 1/2 weeks. Whoa. I feel like there is more but it’s 11:13 here in MO where we’re visiting. I’m wiped.
*still writing our birth story. It’s a long process, but (finally) a good one.*
speaking of birth stories… please pray for my friend Ashton! She is anxiously awaiting her little man and needs our prayers!

Prayer Request.


My incision opened up again. This time in an entirely different spot and thankfully, smaller. By the way, when I saw “opened up” it’s not a gaping wound, it’s small but opened non the less. Have you ever had dry socket or an opened wound? You know that feeling when air hits it? That’s the best way to describe the pain. It should heal on it’s own (with cleaning). I don’t understand that, but here’s to hoping!

Or your prayers would be nice.
I’ve barely done anything to cause this tearing. However, we do own the basement of our house, which means I climb stairs when I want to use the kitchen or leave. So I use them a lot. I’ve only used the stroller for a few walks and when we would go shopping but that is it walking wise, because that does still hurt to do.
Anyways, my healing time is going to be a bit longer than I thought. I won’t be doing crunches any time soon ;) I have another doctors appointment tomorrow to check it out.
Another prayer request is for me as I finish writing the birth story. I’ve been kind of apathetic and not wanting to deal with my emotions, how I am feeling about everything that happened and what I am going through. See, I have been in the process of writing it since week 2 of Chase’s life. I’ve written the facts and the timeline of the labor and I’m now adding my emotions with it all. It’s hard to find the words to describe what I was going through during that time.

This is written on the front of my journal. It perfect.




“Once you get over the fear, then it’s a cinch,” she said. And then she leaped into a mountainous and unexplored region of her heart. It is here where she must begin to tell her story.


You may not understand what I am talking about right now. Why is this such a big deal? I can’t explain it but it’s almost as though I am mourning a dream I had. I am also working through some of the questions and struggles I have with God regarding this.

Some of you have voiced your curiosity of the birth story and I will be posting it as soon as it is finished. It’s mostly for me to process what we went through, but I do want to share with you. I want to keep you apart of this journey, especially if you’ve watched it from day one.