No Sugar October.

i. am. addicted. to. sugar.

pretty much every single day i “must” have one sugary beverage; a soda, a decaf coffee (with lots of creamer or syrups), juice, smoothie, etc.

and there are {always} sugary foods in our house. sugary cereals, muffins, granola bars with chocolate chips…

it’s pretty bad.


i’ve decided to start fresh with a new month and decided on October. what better month than the month before i’m supposed to have Boy S?

i’ve done this before. once i fasted sugar for 40 days. and my biggest feat was when i was a teenager, for TWO years i refused to drink soda or to eat ice cream or chocolate.

if i had such self-control at 16-18, surely i can as a 24-year-old adult woman.

a {huge} motivation for dropping sugar (until i have a healthier relationship with it ;)) is CHASE.

we were really careful with him when it came to sugar until this pregnancy with S. i share things with him that i shouldn’t and i regret it big time. i don’t want him to become addicted to sugar when he once (and thankfully still does if i’m not eating something) thought that fruit and healthy granola bars were sweet treats.

another motivation is i want to lose {all} or at least most of the weight i’ve gained in 3 pregnancies. this pregnancy i have done well in maintaining my weight. here i am at 34 weeks having only gained 12lbs! i am so thankful and proud that i finally got it right this pregnancy.

(side note: 12lbs might seem like far too little for the baby but it’s really not. i am so overweight for my 5’0 frame that i was only supposed to gain 15-20lbs tops. when i began this pregnancy with S i was 2lbs less than what i weighed at 42 weeks pregnant with Chase! yeah…needless to say it again, but i’ve gained a lot in just 3 years )

 sugar is my downfall.

before getting pregnant with S sugar was my main source of calorie intake.

i want to have S and have already “conquered” my addiction to sugar so that i won’t be battling that while trying to lose weight.

i don’t think it’s a lofty goal. i think it’s smart and will help my health in more ways than i could imagine!

so, here we are, October 1st (which is just crazy, right?!) and today i began.

wanna join in? i have one friend that is joining me. i think the accountability would be great and will be posting blogs ever so often to share how it’s going.

lemme know! oh and pray for me? hahahahaha. no but seriously, please do :)

What I Wore {1}

I have been inspired by four lovely ladies; Elsie, Rachel, Danielle, and James who do “What I Wore” posts where they do a little photoshoot to capture… what they wore ;) Usually they wear thrifted, vintage and handmade items, so it’s really inspirational! I decided to join in, I was planning on waiting until I lost at least 20 lbs, but with a push from a few friends and family, decided maybe this would be another incentive to losing the weight. I have been really, really, really wanting to join in this!

I have to tell you, this is a {huge} step for me to, first, have my photos taken and second, to post them at my current size! If you know me personally, you’ve seen, I’ve gained a lot of weight. I’m not proud of it, and as much as yes, I had two babies very close together, I can’t keep using that as an excuse because… that’s not why! I’ve put on 16lbs since I’ve been home from the hospital… breaks my heart. WHEW. Anyways, I realize that I shouldn’t let that hold me back, I need to learn to love who I am (which I’ve always had a hard time with, even at my smallest) and I’m trying… Here we go, eeeeeep!

What I (we) Wore shoot;

my outfit;

top, Daytrip, thrifted

jeans, Paris Blues, sale rack at Ross

shoes, Rocketdogs, thrifted

necklace, made by me

his outfit:

top, Circo, thrifted

jeans, Calvin Klien, thrifted (funny story, I thought they were skinny jeans but they are in fact girls jeans! :)I still love the look)

shoes, Converse, sale Nordstrom’s Rack


For those who follow me and don’t know me personally, it’s nice to finally see the face behind the blog, eh? I always like it when I can put a face with the blogs I read!

 Huge thanks to my sister Chels for taking the photos of me! Stay tuned as my sister Abie is about to post her “What I wore” post that I shot yesterday. She is ADORABLE. I will link to her blog once she does!

This was fun and totally challenged my insecurity in a very good way (hitting “publish” was SO hard). I will definitely keep this up! As I loose the weight, my style will (hopefully) be more and more vintage! Ever since I’ve put on the weight, my “style” has evolved but I have yet to buy anything vintage. I’m waiting until I loose the weight. EXCITED!

Stay tuned as I’m working on a Thrifted Treasures post next!

A Struggling Momma.

I am worn out, spread thin, overwhelmed, emotional. I’m exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally. (I am also slightly dramatic. I blame it on my crazy pregnant hormones.)

I feel like I am failing in someway or another lately. I can’t seem to break my way out of the negativity and this sense that I’m a failure.

Selfishly, I want to hear words of encouragement. I want to affirmation from someone, I need understanding, that being a mother can be incredibly difficult, exhausting, overwhelming at times and IS indeed a full time job. I want to hear I am doing a good job. I want to know I am not failing. I know there are many out there that can relate.

Today was one of those days where I just want to give up. Don’t get me wrong, Chase is an exceptionally great boy, but he barely naps and when he does, it’s usually a cat nap. He doesn’t like sleeping. He wants to go, go, go. So you’d think, because he takes cat naps instead of hour long ones, he’d sleep better at night right? Not at all. Especially while weaning him.

I also finally admit that I might be struggling and have been since I’ve had Chase. The most ridiculous thing is the fact that it boils down to my new look, my new body, my new weight. I’ve always been petite, small (minus age 13-15) and the reality that I am not anymore, that it’s going to take a lot of work to get back to my natural size… it’s incredibly hard. I cry about it a lot actually. My weakness is eating. I eat all of the time (even before prego). I fight my emotions with food. Always have, but this time, it sticks to me. The truth; I hate my body and what I’ve done to it. Somedays I don’t even go out because of my “depression” with my weight. I can’t help but looking forward to losing it after baby #2 but wonder if I ever really will. I mean, I know of mother’s, my aunt included, who lose is a year or years later, but I don’t want to have this clinging to me anymore. I sold some of my “skinny clothes” from before I was pregnant with Chase, yesterday. It was so hard. I am nearly 4 sizes bigger than before I started and 6 sizes bigger than my wedding day. I can barely handle thinking about it…Please pray for me and my state of mind with this.

Yeah, basically today I’m worn out. I’d LOVE a nap. I actually did something I never really do, I handed him to Ted and went for a drive. By myself. I feel better, getting time to myself, but I realize, I’m missing balance. I need “me time” desperately, especially since I have another little one on the way. I need to figure this out now or I will be one of those frazzled mom’s of 4 before I know it!

I just needed to write. To process. Thanks for readin’.


Oh, The Nerve.

Here I am, trying to be punny, haha.

Basically here is the short of it. I’ve been doing the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels since New Years Day. As well as walking and jogging every other day (or trying to).
I overworked my abs causing what I think was a pinched or raw nerve. Friday evening I was in so much pain, I could barely walk. I felt horrible. With the help of my friend Petra, who has had, not just one, but two c sections, I was able to realize, it was probably a raw nerve.
I took two nights off of working out, in order to let my body calm down. I am now pain free and jumping back into working out today, only this time, I will take it easy on my abs. Pray for me?
I will say, I’ve been AMAZED at the results of working out, already! Yay for that!!

Goal Accomplished and My New Do.

I lost 7/8 pounds by Christmas Day!  Honestly ALL due to dropping soda! Amazing, isn’t it?!
However, I am still pretty far off from my main goal. I received a lot of gift cards for new clothing and honestly, I was pretty disheartened when I went shopping at Plato’s Closet with my husb. I still have a little ways to go. I am trying to be okay with where I am at, having a healthy body image. Pray for me in this!
I am setting another goal and will post that soon. For now, here is my new do. Just wanted to share. :)
I am still growing my hair out, but this time with layers and bangs!

DP Free!

I am officially 3 pounds away from my goal of losing 10 pounds by Christmas!! Remember my last post, one month ago?! Yeah, since then I’ve lost 7 pounds! Okay, so not a lot or even double digits but something.

I am {encouraged}.

I’ve been walking when I can and I have dropped Dr. Pepper completely! Yes, It’s true and I think I am even more proud of THAT than even the weight loss! When I did decide to have a glass on a date night with Ted is just wasn’t as satisfying. I don’t need it anymore!

I’d like to thank my own personal Jillian Michaels (biggest loser) aka CayeDee Rhoades for really, really challenging me to move forward and not settle for where I am at.

When I am home with Chase I will sometimes watch morning shows, like Regis and Kelley, the Today Show  or Rachael Ray and it seems like lately they’ve everywhere I turn it’s about walking, running and being fit! I also watch the Biggest Loser and am inspired. I want to be running by the time Chase is 6/7 months!

WOOHOO. So, so encouraged! I can do this!

FOREVER 21 here I (almost) come!

Forever 21.

I am still walking, not everyday but most! This past week food poisoning knocked me out for 2 whole days! Ugh!

I can’t wait until I feel ready to run! I am still a wimp with my incision. I still feel the twinges and sharp pain here and there. Once I feel ready, probably in two months at Chase’s half birthday, I will run!
Please pray for me to be strong in self control! I really need to drop another 17 pounds in order to be healthy for my height, but most importantly I want to be healthy!
So far breast feeding has only helped keep the pounds off from how awfully I’ve eaten since I had Chase. So yay for that, but I can’t help but wonder where I would be if I would have started right away.
Oh well.
I set a goal of 8-10 pounds by Christmas which is 48 days away. I could lose just 2 or even 1 pound a week, that’s attainable! If I reach my goal, then my sister and I are going to Forever 21 and pick out a new outfit for me!
8-10 pounds. Forever 21. Here I come!

Starting Over.

I’ve had my reality check. I’ve had my meltdown.

I’ve set more realistic goals.
I was reading an article in BabyTalk and in it, it encourages you to “focus on your health, not whether you can fit into your jeans”. It also talks about being realistic, buddying up and giving yourself credit where it’s due.
“Creating life is a sacred experience. It can offer a new perspective on what matters most. And we can assure you, it’s not fitting into your old jeans.”

This made me laugh. And encouraged me.
I did gain an unreasonable amount. Somehow (it has to be breastfeeding), I have managed to lose almost all of it, but we still have a way to go to “being healthy and fit”.
Today my friend Emma went walking with me. She is so encouraging and inspiring. In fact, she just ran the Denver Marathon (26 miles) on Sunday last week! She’s amazing and is encouraging me during this time. Anyways, we began walking together. And I am also choosing to get up and walk on my own.
I’ve walked a total of 5 miles so far this week. Which may not seem like much, but to me it is huge! It’s a step.
I’ve decided the best thing to do for me, is to lean on Him in this time, recognize who I am in Him, have a healthy perceptive on my body image and begin taking care of myself.
Here we go! Um… again. :)

Let’s Be Honest…

I am SO disgusted with myself.

I am DOING TERRIBLY and have been since I had Chase. I eat worse than I did when I was pregnant. I still drink Dr. Pepper daily.
Did you hear me? I eat WORSE than I did when pregnant.
Unfortunately a weakness of mine is that I am a 0 to 60 kind of girl with eating, working out, etc. I either give 110% or barely anything.
Right now I am just walking occasionally. I mean that I can step up for sure, but at least I’m walking! The eating and drinking part is that hardest.
Please pray for me. Today I was just disgusted with myself as I ate lunch. The truth is we cannot afford to eat healthy all of the time, however, I CAN make better choices for sure.
I AM thankful for the fact that somehow I am losing weight.
I can’t help but think of how much more I would have lost if I would have immediately began working out and eating healthy! I couldn’t officially work out until week 10 BUT I could have eaten healthy and do portion control!!
I am now 6 months away from my goal and I am feeling more discouraged then ever.