6 years + a whirlwind family getaway

For our 6th anniversary, we were so busy with our 3 summer weddings, that we honestly FORGOT about it! June 20th we realized how close June 24th really was. Stunned (but Ted was thrilled I too had forgotten, HAHA!) we decided to wing it this year. We didn’t have anyone to watch the kiddos and just thought, let’s go to the mountains. So off we went – as a family – it was SO relaxing and so needed! 20130626-154342.jpg

It started raining on the drive up, which we both love and miss.familygetaway-1

Presh’y boys excited for our trip!untitled-8








Snow sighting in June.photo 5-5

The view, the drive, the fresh air!photo

Friend’s blessed us with a night away in the mountains. AMAZING.photo 1-2 \photo 5-3

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The view from our roomphoto 3-1

It was the kind of place where we just brought food and ate in. Made our trip SUPER reasonable :)
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Meals in the sunshinephoto 5-4

photo 3-3hummus and chips, but of course!photo 5-6

View from the kitchen. loooooved.photo 2-4

Shailo LOVED the porch and the view. Let’s be honest though, he was especially excited when we left the room and he could roam free.photo 1-3

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Yes, it’s true. We are “THOSE kind of parents” hehe.

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Family walk as the sunset.

It actually should read “hers and his” for mine was the sweet, pink one :)

6 years, 6 homes, 4 babies (our 1st and 5th anniversaries were the only two I was not pregnant during :)), lots of driving, flying and traveling, many incredible moments and many difficult ones as well.

6 WONDERFUL years with my best friend, I am a blessed woman! Truly thankful for this guy!

{5 years}

Sunday -June 24th- Ted and I celebrated our {5th} anniversary!
(Can’t seem to find not one photo of just us from 2011…)

As we sat on the beach in Cancun, we talked and dreamt of what our future together would be like. Talk of where we’d be in 5 years, 10 years, etc. We talked about what our 5 year anniversary would be like, that we’d travel back to Cancun, to the exact spot where we honeymooned. …

That was initially the goal. :)

The morning of our anniversary I was running around the house, doing this or that, preparing for us to head up to Fort Collins for our anniversary evening, and I stopped dead in my tracks. I (we) had kinda of felt a little sad that we weren’t able to fly back to where we’d honeymooned 5 years earlier. But as I stood there, watching Chaseyboy play and use his imagination and Shai sitting on the floor, teething cracker crumbs covering his cute little face, my heart felt so very full. This is our real life. And I wouldn’t trade it in for {anything}. Ted and I talked about it while out to eat that evening, and even my dreaming-travel-lovin’ husband agreed. We sat with tears in our eyes, just very thankful, that here we were, 5 years – 3 babies, 8 moves, heartbreak and loss – later. Together still. Throughout everything, we’ve made it. I know that might seem a bit melodramatic, but it’s truly a miracle that I can stand here and say we’re making it.

I realize that I may be misunderstood in sharing this. But for those who have/are walking down a road that you may never have imagined walking (not only with loss of a child…) you’ll understand this. There were countless times, after losing Eisley, that Ted and I weren’t sure we could make it. Grieving oh so differently, all while trying to figure out how to be there for the other. Even still, we struggle and somedays it’s a fight within to really keep pressing on. We are and I am so very thankful for this.

Another thing we had talked about doing for our 5th was an anniversary tattoo (and thankfully this is the 2nd anniversary out of 5 that I am not pregnant! so that worked well ;)). We had talked/dreamt up these rather elaborate tattoos the represented this or that. And who knows, maybe someday we really will do those. However, at the beginning of the year, we talked about what we really wanted and it came down to simple, meaningful, powerful. We just wanted ‘i love you’ written in each other’s genuine handwriting.

To be able to read it every. single. day. through the good times and the really hard ones… that is what we wanted.

Side note: Placement was a hard one, but the awesome thing is that in the end, we both shared where we were getting it and it so happened that we each wanted it on our arms and as unbelievable as it sounds, we really didn’t plan on it being on opposite arms either, so that when we hold hands it’s together. (You can laugh, I am) I’m a sap and I absolutely love it! Ted already has a tattoo above his collar bone and had originally thought he’d want this tattoo on his right side above the collar bone but decided right arm instead. Mine is on my left arm. I like it there because it’s the same side as my wedding rings. See, I’m a SAP. 

With all of that said… Sunday, we got our tattoo together.

We went to the gal, Ryan, who tattooed my foot. When I called to make the appoitnment they told me she only had one hour slot available on Sunday and was booked through July. I felt bummed but she contacted me to say she’d remembered me and loved the idea and would do us BOTH! Hooray!

I went first because I wasn’t sure I could handle watching first. The anticipation was alreadykilling me! It began and the pain was {nothing} compared to my tattoo on my foot.

Ted … he was such a pansy. ;)

la la loovve it!

(Left: Ted. Right: me)

Happy 5 years, my Love. Here’s to many more!

Celebration of her life.

September 17th the one year anniversary since Eisley’s birth.

We decided to get away as a family and it was truly what we needed. We spent 4 nights in Denver, some days around our friends and others just as a family. It was a time of remembering her, grieving our loss of her here and celebrating her life.

I really struggled as the anniversary of her passing and her birth came, for many reasons but mostly because it was the first year and I was wondering how on earth could I possibly do anything to commemorate her life in such a special way. I had many ideas on my “list” and was terrified that I wouldn’t honour her in the best way possible. As the time came, I let go of what I had planned and went with what we were feeling. Everything just fell into place naturally and traditions that we will do each year just came about. I feel we did the best in honouring her and no matter how much or how little we could have done, she’ll always hold a place in our family and in our hearts. There are a few things we really wanted to do this year and some things every year and I won’t share everything we did but here are some photos from out weekend.

We decided to do a family photo and a balloon release each year on the week of her birthday.

Another thing we would love to do each year is to make cupcakes with the kids and celebrate her life as one in our family. We want our boys and future kiddos to know their sister and who she was and is to our family.

Left: Chase’s god momma                                         Right: Eisley’s god momma

Melts my heart. <3

Pink Gerber Daisies remind us of her. Chase is blowing the flower to “make a wish” like he does with dandelions.

It was a bittersweet yet {healing} weekend for our us.

Eisley-girl, you are forever in our hearts and apart of our family.

“anniversary reactions” & “shadow grief”

Last night I spent most of my time reading and taking in (most) every word of a chapter in ‘Empty Cradle, Broken Heart’. The section was called ‘Anniversary Reactions’. How perfectly fitting as we have now entered this week of anniversaries.

As I read, it helped bring clarity and peace to my mind with some of the things I’ve been struggling wondering. The book talked about having anniversary reactions and I really wanted to share a bit of what I’ve read.

You may find that you have particularly bad days at certain times of the year. These “anniversary reactions” are normal responses to the grief of anniversaries relevant to your baby’s life and death…anniversary dates are special and painful …

Anniversary reactions can be discouraging, especially as time goes on and you feel as though you’re putting your life back together. You may be surprised by the appearance of these emotions… some call this “shadow grief” – the dull background ache that stays with you; anniversaries simply bring that ache to the foreground.

When I read that about “shadow grief” it really resonated. One of the struggles, and I’m not sure how to even word this, is that I am aching everyday and yet there are specific dates that bring this ache our in me more than ever. I wondered if maybe something was wrong with me that on specific dates, it’s harder than others. A part of me know that it makes sense, totally. But then another part of me struggled with this as well. Was something wrong with me and my struggling?

As the dates of Eisley’s passing and her birthday come, pretty swiftly, upon us I found myself struggling more and more as this week drew nearer. I knew that the dates themselves would be really difficult and also bring up a lot of painful and precious memouries.

I think my biggest fear and struggle is wanting this week to be meaningful, to honour her memory and to help us in healing. I am worried and fearful that I will miss something or be unable to do something that I need to, for her and for us as a family.

All along I’ve wanted to still celebrate her birthday. I know that it could possibly sound weird, how could I celebrate her birthday when she wasn’t here with us? But something inside of me just really wants to, at least for this year and possibly in the years to come. I struggled at first, thinking that I was weird or messed up or maybe I was in denial still. But as I think about it more and more, it’s what I want and need. I want to celebrate her life and who she was and is to me and us as a family. I want to recognize her as a part of our family, even though she’s no longer with us. She’s a part of us forever.

And then last night, something so simple yet profound (for me) hit me; every day we are thankful for Chase and the dynamic he brings to this family and once a year we celebrate his life, his birthday. Even though every day, we’re thankful and recognize his life, we still do that once a year. It’s special and memorable and for him.

It’s different with our Eisley-girl because she’s not here and also in that, every day we ache and miss her whether it be like what they talk about with “shadow grief” or it be more intense. And it makes sense that, just as once a year we celebrate Chase’s birthday, that once a year the date of her passing will be more intense and difficult and also that I have a longing to celebrate her birthday as well. To me that date of her passing is very difficult, with a lot of painful memouries, shattering dreams, etc. The date of her birth I remember as peaceful. It is the day that I got to hold my baby girl in my arms, see her beauty and her features that resembled her daddy and me. To me, September 17th, though painful it was beautiful as well.

I want to celebrate her and I know this year, I need to.

I guess I just wanted to share a bit of where I’m at and also hope that this could maybe encourage and help a momma who has lost a baby as their anniversary dates come and with each year.

Side note: Reading ‘Emtpy Cradle, Broken Heart’ is helping me immensely and maybe it could help you too. I’ve read a few books that have helped my grieving and this is the only one that is written by someone with a Ph.D. I wasn’t sure I’d like it but I love it. They interview several momma who’ve lost a baby as different times or stages in pregnancy or after birth. Each momma has a different perspective and way that they are grieving. It has helped me immensely to not feel so alone or abnormal in what I’ve felt since we lost Eisley. If you haven’t heard of this book or read it, I seriously recommend it. It doesn’t reach you as a spiritual level, really at all, but it does help in other areas. 

…years ago.

{5} years ago, on June 16th 2006, Ted asked me to be his girl.

March 1, 2007 he asked me to be his wife!

{4} years ago {today} we became husband and wife!

June 24th, 2007

 This is still one of my favourite photos of us. Taken on our honeymoon.

{3} years ago we spent our first anniversary in Thailand (with an outreach team we led). Our favourite anniversary location to date – this {will} definitely be happening again.

{2} years ago today, we shared our second anniversary while almost 9 months pregnant with our 1st little one.

 (3 weeks later, Chase Journey Davis was born)

{1} year ago today, we shared our 3rd anniversary while 4 months pregnant with our Eisley-girl. This was our favourite year of marriage. So many dreams beginning to unfold, so much hope for the future as our little family grew from 2 to 3 and 3 to 4.

This last year was by far our hardest, most trying year…

(photo was taken at Eisley’s memorial service as we released balloons)

This is the part where my heart aches deeply. I never imagined walking through such tragedy so early on in our married life. I had never imagined this kind of tragedy; the loss our one of our children. Our baby girl. After we lost Eisley, we walked through the deepest, darkest valley in our marriage. There were times I was terrified that we wouldn’t come out stronger, that this would break us. But we fought hard for our marriage. We beat the statistics of couples after the loss of a child. (I touched on this in another post; here.) We didn’t give up when it felt like all of our dreams were crashing down. We held on and walked (and are walking) through the valley together, hand in hand.

“I took you by the hand and we stood tall. Remembered our own land, what we lived for.”

(We both love the song After the Storm by Mumford and Sons and feel that it was and is fitting.)

(all of our feet, just add a bump in for Boy S)

My Ted, I am so very honoured that you choose me (of all the girls chasin’ you ;) to be your girl. I am so thankful and blessed to have you be the one by my side. So honoured to call you husband and watch as you’ve become and incredible, loving, adoring father to our babies. I love you more than my mere words could say. I love you now and forevermore, through the deepest, darkest valley and at the peak of every mountaintop (sometimes slightly crazier and higher) dream. I cannot wait to see where life takes us, where He leads us.

SUPER excited to see what this year alone holds, beginning with another awesome little dude entering our life.

Oh, and I really, REALLY better not be pregnant 4 years in a row ;) …No, seriously…Let’s save our 5th anniversary for our tattoo and my skin not stretched out a mile long.

Happy Anniversary Baby Blog!

One year ago today I started our baby blog; writing through the morning sickness, the stretching skin, the emotions and excitement as we embarked on the journey to becoming parents!

One year ago today I had my first post; We’re pregnant!

Let’s reminisce!
weeks 6, 10, 13, 15
weeks 15, 16, 18, 20
weeks 22, 23, 24, 25
weeks 26, 29, 31, 35
weeks 38, 39, 40, 42
A total of 48lbs gained, going from a 26″ to a 43″ belly at 9 days overdue, a 42 hour labor resulting in a c-section, I can honestly say it was well worth it!!
More than words can say, I mean look at him. ;)

Here we are, 190 posts, 42(+) week by week pregnancy pics and 1 beautiful baby boy, later!
One year, wow. I truly can’t believe how much has happened in the past year.

We are so thankful for the past year and especially our lil Chase Journey.
Stay tuned in the next years, as my belly is sure to grow again with many more lil Jami or Ted Davis’!
(Yeah, that’s write birth story, I’m still stickin’ to having more babies!)

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s… a giraffe?

First, one year ago TODAY we found out we were prego with Chase! Whoa, what an incredible memory!!!
Second, Chase was supposed to be a bumble bee and Ted, a flower. You think I am kidding, I am not. Ted is a crazy man, if you haven’t already seen that in the videos :)  but the bumble bee didn’t end up fitting him (thank goodness!!). Thankfully we’d been given 2 costumes! Chase was a cow…or was it a horse or giraffe… We decided the mane looked more giraffe-like, whatever it was he was cute!

Snuggly lil giraffe.

Costume party for some of the kids at the YWAM Denver base.

Chase met Hannah Montana! :)

Seriously LOVE when he does these lips!

And, last night, he was the life of the party at Chipotle! If you wore tinfoil you got a free burrito! Of course it was packed, but it was fun hanging out with friends

Lil pumpkin bum!

Wonder what he’ll be next year?

Just kidding … for now.

Two years, Already?!

I really can’t believe how fast time flies. Ted and I have been married for two years today! I remember when I first realized that I loved him and who he was. I remember when God first spoke to me about him being my husband…

I was sitting in the lobby at the YWAM Denver base, listening to him play his guitar and sing a song he wrote while in Afghanistan. He told us that he wrote it when he first learned who he was in Christ. When he sang, I remember listening and realizing how amazing this man really was. This song was created out of this beautiful truth and revelation he has recieved. I’d never heard anything so beautiful.
I remember watching him play and then realizing how much I cared for him. I remember God saying to me not long after this, that I was going to marry Ted. I remember being totally stunned and wondering how that was possible since I had only met him one month before this all.
I left the lobby that night knowing 2 things;
1. I Cared deeply for a man I basically just met
2. I needed to let God lead Ted if I was truly to become his wife.
I remember the days and months after that night in the lobby. Knowing that I did not need to pursue anything if this is really what God had for me. I also knew how scary this was, trusting that it was God that had spoken to me.
Since I was a student and Ted was on staff, we were never aloud to talk about the possibility of a relationship or even hint at it. We had mutual friends and hung out a lot, but I can honestly say that Ted was a man of integrity and kept a good distance from me until the right timing.
I remember one evening before graduation, I was out walking with a friend and Ted flew past in a truck then reveresed and parked in the lot next to us. I remember seeing my two other buddies walking up to me with a strange look of excitement on their faces. I remember being totally confused.
Ted practically jumped out of the truck and came quickly to my side. He asked me to go for a walk with him and told me that he had gotten permission from my school leader to talk to me. I couldn’t breath or at least I don’t remember breathing. Was this really happening?
Ted had given me very little indication that he was interested in me, in fact, at this point I had laid my desire to be with him down and had really taken in the fact that we would just be friends.
He walked to me the edge of the grass and asked me to sit down. As soon as we sat down, he told me that he had driven to Wyoming (where my family lived at the time) to visit with my dad and ask him for my hand. He actually told my dad his intention to marry me and shockingly, dad gave him permission ( :) ).
Ted then went on, “I am crazy about you Jami…” We could only talk for 30 minutes max because I still had a curfew as I was still a student, but it was the most amazing 30 minutes ever.
Remembering that night brings me so much joy and even tears (but rememeber, I’m prego!) He asked me to be his girl and told me that he prayed and has much confirmation that we would be married one day. I was STUNNED.
This was just the beginning to our life together. I love the way it began and came about and couldn’t ask me for anything better.
This is the short version to a very beautiful story. I am always encouraging girls to wait and let the guy pursue her instead of her pursing him. To seek God with everything, because He will guide you! It can be beautiful and it can be everything that you wanted it to be.
Ted respected my wish to not kiss before we married. It’s something that I had wanted to do since I was 12 when I first heard about it in a youth group evening. I remember losing the innocence not too long after this desire to wait came about and how crushed I was. Thinking I could never give my husband all of me because it was taken from me.
I remember how God redeemed me and made me whole again for Ted. Our relationship is one of great redemption and I cannot thank God enough for bringing me such an incredible man of God. One who loves me for me, challenges me to be the best that I can, and never gives up on me.
Our first kiss was at the alter and I can honestly say that I don’t remember hearing the crowd or the little poppers our bridesmaids and groomsmen shot off. I can also honestly say I felt awful for Ted, because I realized… I am a terrible kisser! :)
I love you so much baby! Thank you for two very wonderful years of marriage!

Orientations & Celebrations.

3:10 P.M. June 24th

We have finally arrive in Bangkok, Thailand! Notice the time difference! Mountain Standard Time is 2:10 A.M. I almost just called my family through SKYPE at home, then realized this very thing.
We arrived late last night, and awoke to a full day of orientation, delicious Thai food, a team scavenger hunt to get to know the area, and a celebration.
A few prayer requests:
  • Team unity: We’re doing really great in this area, but we could always use prayer for this for the duration of outreach.
  • Adjustment to the food, smells, people, culture, & heat: Again, doing fine so far, but it’s also just day 1 really.
  • Being resourceful & wise with team expenses. We have a much lower budget this outreach than our last.
  • Ted & I leading: please pray for us as we know that God wants to really teach us how to work together better and how the enemy would love to see us torn apart as leaders.
  • God to work through each person on the team (all 13!) and for everyone to go deeper with Christ, and walk in Him daily.
The celebration part of our day is this: today is our first year anniversary! I still can’t believe it’s been a year. Whoa. I’m so blessed to be married to such a great man and I’m excited for many more years to come!