A Rant (which I’m afraid I’ll later regret).

Recently, someone basically told me that if I had stuck it out and stayed with our midwife, she could have helped me deliver Chase naturally… to me that was such a stab. I feel so hurt. I began to doubt myself and it added to the pain I already feel with my birth story not turning out the way I had dreamed. I think out of everything I’ve been told, that has hurt the worst.
I feel like I am at my boiling point with all of this adding up and the fact that I am not dealing with it. I always do this. Wait until things are boiling over to say anything and by then it’s either too late or I just explode.
I really and truly believe that every women is different in how they parent, lose weight, their birth stories, desire for future kids (or not), etc. I also don’t believe in ONE way of parenting… I think every child is different and has different needs or disciplines or whatever!
I will say this, I am thankful… so so so so thankful for my friendships with mom’s here and far away as well. I seriously have a lot more to be thankful for. I should have done a thankful “rant” instead. I don’t know why, but doesn’t it seem like the negative things stand out more? When I was pregnant, I could have 3 or more people tell me I looked so cute pregnant and 1-2 people say “you are so much bigger than so and so” and only remember or dwell on the 1-2 people’s comments. Why is that??!

4 thoughts on “A Rant (which I’m afraid I’ll later regret).

  1. Little Mrs Mason says:

    I just want you to know that I love you. I think you look beautiful. I know that it is not where you want to be but you look beautiful. I think it is harder to live outside the mold than in it. I have spent most of my life outside the mold, and it is hard. It is hard because sometimes there isn't a clear example to follow. You are making your own path. On the amazing side- it is where God has you and it WILL be amazing. On the hard side- people won't understand, and there isn't a map to follow. I am so proud of you. Your son is gorgeous, and every time I see him I marvel at his tiny-ness… :)I would gently suggest praying about confronting the women in your life when they make comments that are hurtful. I am sure they are not meant to hurt, but the only way that they will know that it hurts is if you tell them. It is hard to do, I know… I will be praying for you, and for healing and for strength and for courage…


  2. Danielle Duran says:

    Jami- I’ve recently started reading some of your blogs as I’m thinking of starting one of my own but still not quite sure… Anyways, some one told me the exact same thing about Gabriela’s birth. But they actually told me that after the decision was made to do the c-section she started to come down on her own and I could have delivered naturally but they wouldn’t let me push. Needless to say I was beyond upset both angry and sad. Feeling a little like I had failed. I cried for the longest time but then my wonderful husband (thank God for giving me an encouraging, loving, understanding, & patient one) reminded me that I had not failed. The I had delivered an amazingly beautiful, perfect baby girl. That it did not matter the way she came out, what mattered is that she came and was so healthy and even more beautiful than we could have ever imagined. That is what I had to be thankful for. To GOD be the glory forever and ever AMEN! :) *hugs* and love you girl!


    • colourherhope says:

      I don’t think people understand what they are saying when they talk about birth stories. What they haven’t walked through, they are oblivious too. Even for me, I had this dream of what birth would be like and it wasn’t like that at all. I was oblivious to what could happen. It’s so difficult! Now I am less emotional about it, but every once and a while it hits me, that i didn’t get the dream birth. I also remember being told “at least he is a healthy baby”, which is true, yes, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that birth wasn’t what I had dreamt of. I really feel like we had to mourn the death of a dream. You’ve walked through a difficult time too so you understand.

      Anyways, thanks for commenting!


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