Eisley Antalya · Life

{Forever Imprinted}- the full meaning behind my tattoo

While on bed rest I decided that I wanted to get a tattoo representing Eisley’s life and this season in our lives. I truly thought I would be getting a tattoo that meant or represented healing, because I truly believed our little girl would survive.

One week after we said our goodbye to her, I knew without a doubt, I wanted her footprints on me forevermore. I originally planned that I would wait until what would have been her first birthday to get this tattoo as well as one under my collar bone, above my heart (not literally) that represented her life and our time with her. It’s hard to tell you the reason behind why I did her footprints sooner that I had thought, but I will just say, I needed the daily reminder to be inspired by her life and the reminder to not let what we’ve walked through to ruin me.

I was afraid to share that I was getting this tattoo and even after I got it, I had to be encouraged by Ted to share it. I guess I was afraid that some people might call this an emotional whim tattoo. It truly isn’t there is so much meaning behind this tattoo. Here is the full meaning in the best way I can explain.

Her footprints:

The words to describe how healing it is for me to have her footprints on me are so hard to find.

Her tiny little footprint mold.

I got her footprints in the exact size, shape and imprint at are in the mold they created for us the day she was born. I saw my (amazing) tattoo artist 4 times beforehand to get it perfected. When she tattooed the footprints on me, she had the mold next to her to make it as similar as possible. {I love that she did that}

I got it on my right foot which was actually is important to me. I lead with my right foot. I hope to let her life inspire me and to be a piece of what helps me keep going. To keep moving forward and to live life fully.

The words;

“You are my sunshine” … I sung the words to this song over and over to her during my time with her. I could cry even now as I think about my time in the hospital with her and how, in those moments when all seemed hopeless, I’d lay with my hand on my belly singing her this song and also the simple song I wrote her, “Grow Eisley Grow”. 

I combined the two meanings into one for the tattoo. I used the words “you are my sunshine” and wrote them in the exact, broken handwriting I used to write her the “grow Eisley grow” song.

The handwriting is broken and isn’t perfect and that is what I {love} about it. It represents that time when I wrote to her, broken and afraid, yet believeing and holding onto hope. It represents where I was and am at now. Broken, yet moving forward holding onto hope and truth.

It also represents inspiration. The way I was inspired with her inside of my womb, I want to continue to be inspired, in an even greater way, by her life and the imact she had/has on me.

It represents my children. Eisley and Chase, they are my sunshines. That might sound dramatic or even cheesy, but Chase in his enthusiasm and joy, encourages me so very much on a daily basis. Eisley and Chase are my little sunshines. I’ve never yet called them my prince or my princess and maybe someday I will think of them like that but I’ve {always} thought of them as my sunshines from day one in the womb. I sung this same song to both of my children every night they were in my womb. I now still sing it to Chase but usually find myself in tears before the end of it. He still finds it comforting and I do too.

My tattoo as a whole:

I wrote before about her impact on my heart and my life, and now it’s even a physical reminder of the impact she had on me.

It’s a reminder; It’s a reminder to be inspired by her life and how deeply she touched and changed mine. It’s a reminder to keep pushing forward in that inspiration instead of letting this overcome me.

I want to look back years from now knowing that we grieved and mourned the loss of our daughter yet that we didn’t let it overcome us. I want to look back and see that we we were inspired by her little life and her impact on us. I want to look back and know we became better people because of her. I long to be her voice, and to be inspired and find pieces of her in how I create and look at life.

I want, in a very good way, to be changed and to never ever be the same again.

The date:

December 17th- the date I got the tattoo also has significance. I felt it would be healing to get it on the day she was supposed to be due. The pain of getting the tattoo was both healing and significant. There were moments it hurt terribly, but more than anything it was emotionally painful and healing all at once. There was a part of me that kept thinking that I should be feeling the pain of labor instead and then there was that part of me that sat in awe of Eisley’s little footprints on my foot. The size of her tiny little feet on mine… I am crying even now. It’s hard to put into words the moment when she first placed the outline of my little girl’s footprints on me. 

My tattoo artist told me that the tattoos she had that were linked emotionally were actually some of the more painful tattoos. She was right. It was a lot more than the physical pain that caused the tears streaming down my face. I also shared Eisley’s story, I spoke it aloud, which was hard and healing simultaneously. Two times Ryan, the tattoo artist, had to stop and put her face in her arm to cry and even that was healing. Eisley’s life and story and legacy was touching another person. …I can’t find the words to tell you how much that means to me…

One thing I didn’t think about when I got this tattoo was of how it could impact the life of another. Ryan was the first and already, less than a week of having this tattoo, I have shared her story with a bank teller (seriously) and Eisley’s life touched her as well… the first of many, many more times to come I have a feeling. I will always share her story and it will probably always be painful yet healing.

I keep looking down and seeing her little imprints on me forevermore. It blesses and heals my heart more than I can find words to share. The physical reminder that she is with me is very healing. I had a  hard time finding the words to express fully what this tattoo means to me and I hope I was able to clearly portray the meaning. Thanks for “listening” and caring and loving us like you do.

Baby girl, do you see? I’ve got you now physically on me forevermore. You’ve impacted and inspired my life so deeply. …………..

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22 thoughts on “{Forever Imprinted}- the full meaning behind my tattoo

  1. thank you for sharing this with us. it is perfect. i am so proud of you for getting this and for sharing this. i remember us talking about tattoos one time a LONG time ago in the apartment and you saying that you might want one, but were unsure whether or not you could do it. but you did :) and now it’s not just a tattoo…it’s a reminder for you, and the source of impacting peoples lives all over the place. you are wonderful.

  2. I love it! It is absolutley beautiful! Those are her actual size teeny tiny feet?! Amazing! Its gorgeous and I think its wonderful you got it on her {birth}day.

    Love you!

  3. I love you. It is perfect. And the best tattoos are ones full of emotion that tell a story that words can’t fully express. xo

  4. I love your tattoo and all that it represents to you.
    I don’t think it’s an emotional tattoo and it’s def. not something you’ll look back at and wonder why you got it. May you be blessed!
    Biz

  5. I just found your blog and read this post and even though I don’t know you I am sending you a hug :-) Thank you for sharing something so intimate. That takes a lot of guts. The story behind your tattoo is very beautiful and touching.

  6. I can’t even express how much your story touched me. Your tattoo is truly beautiful, and I don’t believe it could be any more perfect for your story. I love that you took something tragic and brought positive inspirations from it. This is inspirational.. and wonderful.

  7. Love,Love, Foot Tattoo’s. Going To Get One For My Birthday. The End Of June I Have Two Tattoo’s Now. Beautiful Lilly Flowers On My Lower Back(which is beautiful).And, A Rose On My Shoulder. A Rose, Is The Flower For The Month Of June I Love Both Of My Tattoo’s. I Know I’m Going To Get One On My Foot This Time. But, Don’t Know If I’m Getting Flowers Or The One That Says You Are My Sunshine. Love Them Both. (Undecided).

  8. Hi… I am so happy to have found your blog. I just lost my son, Daniel. I was 5 months pregnant, I delivered him, and spent the most important 8 hours of my life with he and his dad. He died from a severe fatal form of amniotic band syndrome. It only happens in less than 1% of pregnancies. It’s so unfair. I too am having his foot prints tattooed on my wrist, for the exact reasons you stated above. My life is forever changed by his birth and death. I feel like part of me died with him. Thank you for sharing your story of beautiful baby Eisley.
    Tricia

    1. I am so very sorry for your loss of your son Daniel. It is incredible to carry around a piece of them, while we aren’t able to do so personally. I am so thankful you shared. xx,jami

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