mommahood; lies, struggles & finding freedom.

Today was one of those days that I wish I could just rewind, wake afresh, inspired, hopeful, and start again. Today was what I sometimes call a “momma fail”.

I’ve decided to do a small series on mommahood. It has been {so} heavy on my heart for a long time now. It’s a collaboration of things that have been slowly stirring up in me since I became a momma. I’m gonna jump right in and begin with when I became a mom and the struggles that immediately followed.

 

From a young age I’ve loved children and dreamt of being a momma. So before mommahood, I had a lot of ideas of what it would be like. What I would be like as a momma. What I would and wouldn’t do. How my child would or wouldn’t behave {insert huge smile here}. What they would or wouldn’t be allowed to eat or drink. What my body would look like after a baby. How I would interact with other mommas (a part of this series). How I would continue to do the things that are me (a part of this series), etc.

Entering mommahood was quite eye-opening and caused a sudden shift in all that I had previously thought. Of course I’d stick with the values and principles I wanted as a parent, but even that can shift with each season of mommahood. I’m not here to talk today about parenting tips or anything like that, in fact, I just want to kind of be real about some struggles I’ve had in my short but swift journey of mommahood with the hope to encourage someone out there.

I remember coming home 5 days after Chase was born. We laid him in his crib and with baited breaths just watched him sleep. Neither of us slept much that first night (seriously, who’s with me with this one?). We had left the comfort of the hospital and knowing that nurses and doctors were there in a heartbeat if needed.

I remember the very first time I was ever home alone with him. I sat holding him, just staring at his beauty and trying to wrap my head around that face that he was mine (I sometimes still shake my head in awe). That was the first time that I remember the fear and lies swept in; Who am I to mother this child? In my sinful nature, I am to be the one who molds this child?! What if I don’t do it “right”? What if I mess him up?

That was the first of many lies to come.

On days like today where I feel like I’ve failed as a mother, house maker, wife, etc, the lies quickly follow behind my heels, trying to grab hold of me and bring me down.

Today, I had enough. Enough of the lies.

I Paused. Closed my eyes. Took a deep breath. And clung to truth. The truth is we really cannot do this on our own. And actually, it is that very thing that bring my heart the most comfort. It is not by our strength that we mother – teach and mold, take care of their every need and cry, discipline, comfort and console, feed and nourish, etc.

We need Him. We need truth.

Imagine if we believed that we are all He says we are.

Imagine if we walked in full victory and pushed away the lies that every so quickly weigh our momma hearts down.

Imagine if we let joy permeate our momma heart fully, undeniably.

Imagine as that very joy pours out into our children. 

Imagine if we let go of the lies that often entrap our minds and hearts as mommas and we trust that we can do this, that He has made us capable.

He is our greatest help in our time of weakness. Our strength and our strong tower (Psalm 61:3).

This joy and belief would not be a facade but in fact the very opposite. I don’t believe it would eliminate a child’s bad behaviour (though it might help it in some ways), or eliminate the messes, or the 2.5-year-old that still eats paper sometimes and chews on his sleeves all the time, if he has a shirt on. ;) It doesn’t mean that He will eliminate the struggles, no. It means that amidst the struggles and chaos that sometimes comes our way, there is a stillness within – of joy that stands firm in knowing that we are called to this and we are who He says we are. We are his and we are capable.

{Yes and amen}

Mommahood can be oh so hard and trying. But it is not by our strength alone and that brings this momma’s heart comfort tonight.

He.          is.             our.           strength. 

Breathe it in. Soak it up. Walk in it.

Rest well within mommas.