The Pendulum Swing.
The title pretty much says a lot, but you know me; I’ve gotta explain every little detail :)
Weeks ago I talked about how the internet had become a way for me to cope or shut off from what I was feeling. I talked about how unhealthy it was for me and my grieving and my everyday life….and now I’ve completely swung to the other side.
I’ve “swung” from too much time spent online and away from my reality to almost no time online ever. It’s not that we are internet-less in our new home, in fact, the very day we officially moved in the internet guy came and hooked it up. I’ve just lost the desire (for the most part) to be online.
And can I just say (in most ways)… it’s felt so so so so so good to be off. And I can’t even believe I’m saying this ;) but the I don’t miss the social sites not even a tiny bit. I actually feel sick when I get on them, quite literally and I think I am learning balance in a really odd but super needed kinda way.
But I miss blogging and sharing and pouring my heart out (seriously) more and more every day. Something has been stirring up in my mind and heart so much lately and a few Sundays ago, on our hour and ten minute drive home from church, Ted and I were talking about it and so suddenly I felt to share on my blog. I guess you could say it’s kind of controversial a topic, but I feel it’s so worth it to share. My heart is oh so heavy!
I will share soon, I just want to get some really great quotes and verses together that I feel would fit perfectly. Just you wait. If you’re struggling with anything… I guess you could say, you’ve been on my heart :) I could be a blog just for YOU.
Thank you for popping in, checking on us and loving on me even despite my absence. I guess the “downfall” of realizing my unhealthy time online was that now I am facing my reality a lot more than I was (if that even makes sense). We’ve entered the 7 month since losing our sweet little Eisley-girl and my heart aches, maybe even more now than ever before. We’re doing okay, walking through a lot, taking everything day by day, minute by minute. Savouring memories all while making new ones, very bittersweet. I’ll be sharing on Tuesday about a date that’s very important to us regarding our precious daughter. :)
For now, I’ll leave you with an awesome picture Chase’s “Auntie Dee Dee” took of him just Friday.
I know I’ve said it many times before but this boy has a serious lover for music and an incredible rhythm! We’re already pouring into this little guy and his love. Can’t wait to see where it leads!
We all grieve in our own way and our own time…you just do what you need to do for yourself and your family…hugs to you.
I agree. Grief is different for everyone. It takes time…lots of time. Don’t try to rush it or skip those feelings. Believe it or not, they bring healing. You are not alone in this! We are standing with you.
cute picture of chase! thanks for sharing! By the way, I miss you Jami! I never know if its okay to just drop by to see you. I’d hate to catch you when you’re needing an alone day and then you feel obligated to hang with me or something. But I would love to just drop by! :)
Dear sweet sweet Jami
Ýou, Ted and Chase are in my prayers every day. My heart hurts for you, I wish I could take all your pain away, but I can’t. Give it time, there is some truth in time heals all wounds.. I know you’ll never loose Eisley, and in one way I’m sure you’ll always carry that loss with you, but in time it will become easier to carry and will be able to smile again without feeling sad or quilty or what ever you are feeling. Trust me, I’m speaking of experience, I haven’t lost a child (which I’m sure in many ways can the worst thing imaginable) but I have lost a dear near uncle to suicide. keep fighting Jami, you are so brave, I know you don’t feel like it, but you are!! I will continue to carry you in my prayers, and lots and lots of hugs from me.
So good to hear from you. You are going through the process and it is your process. I look forward to your post and thanks for keeping me on your heart. :)
That boy of yours looks like a real music man in that picture. Enjoy!
I”m proud of you…all the time and in ever increasing ways. Thanks for sharing your life with us when you do…and thanks for doing what you need to for yourself as well. You’re incredible. And you know me, I always love a little controversy ;) Love you.
i totally know what you mean about taking a break from social networking. being off facebook for so long felt so good and once i got back on yesterday i felt dirty! haha! that’s what i told my sister today. it’s just weird. i don’t want it to take over my life again or take away from the extra time i was getting with the lord, you know?
excited to read that post you’re working on. love you girl :)