Eisley Antalya · Life · Shailo Valour

Our most bittersweet news (the latest on Boy S)

5 1/2 months

Thought I’d share the latest on our growing Boy S for those who are interested! Once a month I’m seeing the same specialist we saw weekly in our pregnancy with Eisley which is incredibly bittersweet (I’m sharing more on that in my part 3 of pregnancy #3). My friend CayeDee (Eisley’s godmomma) joined me on Tuesday for support and to keep an eye on Chase who isn’t crazy about these appointments. :) At the specialists they do a thorough ultrasound. I mean, they literally go over every part of the little one’s body “with a fine tooth comb” and measure and check fluids, heart chambers, the brain, the fluid around baby, etc.

Just like his big brother, Boy S really doesn’t like ultrasounds. From the very moment they begin, he is squirming and kicking up a storm. Oh and not that I needed convincing, but we got more confirmation that he is in fact a HE. A shy little boy, he is not (photos of the first time seeing it’s a boy, also in part 3, soon)

I knew Boy S was big. I could feel it. Like in my pregnancy with Chase I really swear I can feel him growing some days when my “uterus hurt” and the muscles around my belly ached. Seeing him confirmed that, boy, is he a big guy. I swear I could see chub on him. Apparently I’m a pro on making big boys;  Chase was 8lbs 15oz which for my 5′ self is crazy! I’m still convinced that his 14.5″ head was the reason he got stuck and we had to have a C-seciton 42 hours later. Seriously, convinced.

Ready to “meet” Boy S for the first time (on my blog);

What you see here is Boy S flexing his muscles. Look at that muscle tone?! ;)

This is where it begins to be hard for me to fully express with words of what my mind and heart felt during this appointment. Fear, for one. As they went over every part of his body, my womb and placenta, I just “held my breath” and each time they’d say something positive and encouraging, I felt more and more relief. I think I am finally able to start enjoying watching his movements on screen, rather than wondering what was normal and if everything was okay.

His “little” body is measuring two weeks ahead and his head is measuring a little over a week ahead.

Sweet, sweet relief.

It’s hard to not compare this pregnancy my pregnancy with Eisley. In fact, I can’t not. This pregnancy has made me even more aware of just how “off” my pregnancy with her was. I mean, I knew the severity of what was going on, but I didn’t realize or remember what a normal pregnancy felt like. From the movements all the way to the swiftly growing and achy belly.

One night before this appointment I laid in bed, rolled onto my back and felt my stomach. I could feel my uterus just above my belly button. I can’t tell you how many times in my pregnancy with Eisley, that I laid on my back in the hospital, hoping and praying that I’d feel my uterus reach my belly button. It never did. It stayed right below it. That is why I feel I knew a head of time, that Boy S could possibly be bigger than she ever was.

Before we walked out of the appointment with the specialists Tuesday, I took a deep breath and asked them how much Boy S weighed (with all the measurements they do they can pretty accurately tell you).

They told me and tears filled my eyes. Here I am at 5 1/2 months pregnant and he already weighed more than his sister ever did at a few days away from 7 months. 3oz more to be exact.

Our most bittersweet news. Ever. When I picked Ted up from work I shared this news with him (I wanted to be face to face with him). He too was in awe. We felt thrilled for S but also this incredible sadness within. We feel hopeful for S but even more confused about our pregnancy with Eisley; “what really went wrong?!” So many inexplicable things felt simultaneously.

One thing is made me realize even more than ever before, was what a true miracle it was the Eisley lived  just 3 days shy 7 months. What a miracle that she made it so long, so tiny. What a miracle that we were able to hold her in our arms and experience the beauty of our daugher before letting her go until eternity. Whew. What a miracle.

I am so very grateful beyond words, that Boy S is big, healthy and thriving. I am also, with an aching heart, so very thankful beyond words that our miracle, our Eisley-girl, having fought so hard and survived for so long.

{Bittersweet}

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10 thoughts on “Our most bittersweet news (the latest on Boy S)

  1. This made me cry. I am so happy for you and Ted and Chase for this new baby coming! I’m praying for your pregnancy and healing for your heart and your family. God is watching over you.

    Like

  2. Oh wow, I’m really behind on blog reading and just saw your news. I’m happy for you and so glad to hear things are going along well in your pregnancy. Praying for a full-term healthy baby!

    Like

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