The Hardest Part.

(Silly photo taken when Chase was 4/5 months. Never thought I’d use it, but for today’s post, it fits, haha)

Lately, I’ve been one seriously emotional mess when it comes to nursing. The beginning of breastfeeding wasn’t bad for us. Chase got the hang of it within the first week and I didn’t have a problem really until he got his first two teeth (other than the crazy amount of milk… and, eh, size).

About 4 weeks ago, Chase began nursing more often during the day and seriously, I’m not exaggerating, a l l night long. I would just have to bring him to bed and continue, throughout the night, switching from side to side to try to calm him. Little did I know I was pregnant and my milk was running low.

I began to worry when I noticed Chase was thinner. I can actually see this boys ribs, which is a first! Then his pediatrician told me Chase has not gained anything, and had even lost a pound since his 7 month checkup, 2 months before. This disheartened me big time. I was worried for him and I really hated the fact that they thought it was my milk supply.

Today, we are going to begin supplementing him with goats milk. Even just writing that is hard for me. I was planning on nursing him until he was one or a few months after and now it’s ending all so quickly. My heart just breaks because I feel guilty, I feel awful for having to spring this on Chase. There are so many times that he nurses just to soothe him, calm him and I can’t help but feel heartbroken about this ending so soon.

I also feel worried about making sure he gets what he needs. With nursing, I know, without a doubt, that he is getting what he needs when he needs it. Now I feel unsure.

I am going to still nurse him until he is set on goats milk. I do have milk, just not enough to feed him throughout the day. We will supplement him with goats milk during the day and before bed, along with two or three times to nurse. He also eats baby food 3 times a day too, so hopefully he will get everything he needs!

I’m one emotional mess with this, which might not makes sense unless you’ve walked through this or something similar. Just had to get this out, see if anyone has any tips on weaning too. What’s worked for you? What hasn’t?

8 thoughts on “The Hardest Part.

  1. Chey says:

    I have no tips. I just have chosen not to begin “b feeding” yet. Hope I’ve made the right call.

    But on a more serious note, I did have something to say. I’m really proud of you. I can’t imagine the totally spectrum of emotions and feelings that you have regarding this. You’re such a strong woman. Sometimes I read your stuff and it’s hard to believe you’re the same person as the emo girl who didnt have eyes in DTS.

    You are an amazing mother, and your desire to provide for your son is beautiful. I will be praying for this transition…for Chase, for the change in schedule, for you, and for the goat.

    Love you dearly.


    • colourherhope says:

      Thanks friend, I know.. who woulda thought. the lil emo, “never getting married”, me. Thank you for the encouragement!


  2. Melissa says:

    Breastfeeding ended MUCH earlier for us than I had ever imagined and even though it had gotten exhausting and crazy painful for me, I still had the hardest time letting go of it. Even though Josiah was only about 3 months old, it was still such an emotional thing. Fear, guilt, you name it. He took suprisingly well to a bottle & formula right away… I think it’s because the poor thing was so hungry. He would suck down a bottle so fast and then cry that it was empty! I was really worried about the soothing aspect too… but I just had to learn new ways to comfort him. He was so young, so in some ways it may have been easier, but anyway… it was really hard for me to stop nursing until I just finally did it. And then I saw how much happier and satisfied he was, and that made a world of difference. I still occasionally feel bad about it, wishing I could have nursed him the whole first year like I had planned… but like so many other things as a mommy, I’ve just had to surrender to the fact that I’m not in control. I’m sure it’s going to be tough, but I bet Chase will surprise you and transition much smoother than you expect!


    • colourherhope says:

      It’s so hard not to feel emotional, at any stage, in fact it might be harder if it ended earlier. You’re so right about surrendering the fact that we’re outta control, i’m seriously glad that you said that, because that’s just it. Thank you for the encouragment!


  3. Ash says:

    I understand the difficulty in having to supplement. Even with only just trying to get started.
    You have gone so much further then most women would of have even thought about. Seriously you have endured ALOT with it and gone through the teething process! whew! Your a good momma, no matter what people say and what you hear at times. Good job!
    Chase WILL be getting everything he needs and had such a tender time with you during nursing. :)
    I have heard of alot of stories when a new baby comes in after not weening the first and it being so hard because of jealously and everything coming with that. SO maybe it will be good for when the new baby does arrive.. :)
    The Lord is good, and will give Chase everything he needs…stay strong momma! :)


    • colourherhope says:

      Thanks Ash! I def. don’t want to nurse him until the baby comes, that would be waaaaaaaaay too hard for me anyways, because then I would NEVER have gotten a break!

      This is still so emotional, whew, i didn’t realize it would be this hard!!


  4. Hannah says:

    We’re not there yet (weaning), so I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I just want to give you a virtual hug :) You are an amazing mom and I know Chase will thrive through this. Give yourself extra care and lots of extra grace.


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