{Believing} “Spring Will Come”
This photo couldn’t be more perfect, really. I took this In April, before I knew I was actually expecting our precious Eisley. The ‘believe’ inspired me and ended up being a real encouragment to me during our journey with Eisley. Now, I think I need this reminder more than ever before.
I need to {believe} in a lot of areas right now. We’re really struggling. There is so much going on right now, I just feel like my world is spinning out of control. I feel like there is very little stability. I feel overwhelmed, burdened, defeated, etc. Ted and I both.
I just found out this week that “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” isn’t actually biblical. Do you know how {relieved} I was to hear that? I cried actually and I still could. There is so much going on right now that is “too much” and is more than I can handle.
The loss of Eisley overwhelms me so much that sometimes I can’t find the words to speak when someone asks how I’m doing and I lie; “I’m good”. It overwhelms me so much that I pound my fist into the steering wheel and let the hot tears fall. It overwhelms me to the point where I need to walk into my room, close the door and let a good scream and sob out into my pillow. It overwhelms me so much that I can’t sleep at night without the aid of a sleeping pill. I find myself overwhelmed with grief over and over again as I read/hear people complain about something in their life that I would give anything for or when I read/hear of something I miss or long to have.
I’m overwhelmed with so much right now. Ted and I are trying to remember that things will begin to look up in our lives.
Right now it’s fall here in Colorado and all of the magnificant auburns, oranges and yellows are beginning to fade into this ugly brown and dreary skies are beginning to roll in. The sun sets much earlier than my heart would like. It’s becoming so ugly and depressing and this isn’t even the beginning of winter yet. I find myself constantly thinking “Spring will come, Darling, Spring will come” a word God gave me when I was in a dark season in my past. My spring came then… and I {believe} our spring will come again.
My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
11 See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
12 Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me.”Song of Solomon 2:10-13
Right now I’m believing with everything in me that our “spring will come” and clinging to that.
I don’t really know you jami but I love you and am rooting for you. I can’t even fathom what you’re feeling nor do I want to pretend I know what to say but I did want you to know that I’m thinking and praying for you daily.
i am lifting you up….fresh grief is just so raw and hard. just know that everything you are doing is normal. i’ve been in those same places…..those days still come but very rarely. just let yourself grieve….
have you read A Grace Disguised? — Its the only grief book I would recommend to people. It’s not a “how to” its just one man’s story and he will put into words things you may have tried to yourself. It’s a wonderful book.
also do you have Steven Curtis Chapman’s new CD that he wrote for his daugther? amazing, amazing songs…..
((hugs))
it makes me really angry when people say God doesnt give us more then we can handle. I am glad that you realized that, it’ll help with healing. it helped me.
i love you. you are in my prayers.
Thanks for continuing to be open and real, James. I love you so much, and am so glad you give me the ability to know how I can pray. I’m there with you on that…plus that whole concept implies that God “gives” us our circumstance. Which, my God most certainly does not. Standing with you.
Jami! I’ve carried those verses with me through many years. Thank you for posting them.
Yes, that incorrect saying about God not giving us more than we can handle irritates me. I always say in return, “The bible doesn’t say that.” What the bible does say, and what I know from personal experience is His strength is made perfect in our weakness, and He walks us through to the other side of the storm in his time, in his way. I lost my son and my husband had surgery for lung cancer within weeks of my son’s death. It was more than I could handle, but it wasn’t too big for God. It’s been three years, and I feel God’s peace everyday. I know that everything that has happened to my family is His will. What else can we ever do but accept God’s will? There is no choice.
My heart goes out to you, Jami. I’m so sorry.
xoxo