Today I had a breakdown. I can hear two new infant babies crying in the rooms surrounding me and it’s incredibly difficult. I long to hear Eisley’s cry and to hold her close to me. I long to know she will be okay. Today Eisley isn’t moving a lot or even much at all, which always makes my heart ache and I sometimes don’t even know how to function when I am waiting for her movements.
I feel helpless a lot of the time. Helpless to know I cannot heal my daughter. Helpless to know I have no idea the outcome of this difficult time. Helpless to know there isn’t more I can be doing to help her. There is so much more, but you get the idea.
Yet…my feelings of helplessness isn’t hopeless. I don’t feel hopeless. I know the He can heal my daughter. I know that He knows the outcome. I know that He is everything she needs.
I am hopeful when I remember this in my weakness. In my feeling of helplessness. I am hopeful to know He is with Eisley regardless of how this time might end. I am hopeful to know He is bigger than anything the doctors may tell me. I am hopeful that He is with us always. I am hopeful the He has Eisley between His shoulders.
In my weakness and my inability to be able to heal my daughter or nourish her properly, He is strong.
He is my hope and I’m clinging to that in this difficult season.