Today I had an appointment with our OB GYN, Dr. Hill and one appointment with our specialist, Dr. Daye. The night and morning before these appointments is a bit rough on my mind, wondering what the appointments would reveal, knowing that I will face memouries from my pregnancy with Eisley, etc.
I saw Dr. Hill first and they did the normal things; blood pressure, great. weight, great -only 2lbs gained totaling out to 10lbs this pregnancy! WOOHOO! (and that was after having a big breakfast with a friend!) The best news though, Boy S’s heartbeat, great!
It was a speedy appointment just to do a quick check up on everything. After the checkup I asked him about our November 2nd due date, wondering if that was official, because I really want my mother-in-law to be in the room for the c-section. I had talked with him about this before and thought it was official months ago, but then one appointment with him revealed he and Dr. Daye, our specialist, had two different due dates. I was thrown off and because my mother-in-law needs to get the time off work and buy her ticket, and well, because it’d be nice to know when I’m having S, I asked again.
I was bummed to hear him say that he decided on the due date of November 15th and that he would officially schedule the c-section for November 8th. One week added, not subtracted? SO bummed. Immediately following my appointment with him, I had my appointment with our specialist. There they do a thorough ultrasound of the baby and check everything out. I have the hardest time walking into those appointments but have found that I leave feeling extremely light hearted and full of peace.
The ultrasound technician showed me Boy S’s position, which I had no question in my mind about. I knew he was low as low can be and that he was head down as he’s been using my ribs as a trampoline lately :) His amniotic fluid was great. His bio-physical profile was awesome! I was even able to watch his little body rock with hiccups, which is a great sign that his lungs are working properly. (Btw-I love baby hiccups from within! So presh!) She checked everything out and measured along the way. She asked me, “Have you had major indigestion this pregnancy?” and I told her not really at all and asked why. She told me Boy S already has a full head of hair and showed me. I.am.stunned. None of my babies thus far have had FULL heads of hair, just a little bit of blonde hair. She told me he could lose it before birth but I hope not (and I kind of hope it’s dark hair)!
Once she’d gone over S with a “fine toothed comb” she left and had Dr. Daye come in to talk with me about what she say. She immediately told me that everything looked great and then we discussed my due date. I wanted to ask her what she thought, since she was the one with the most accurate measurements. I told her that Dr. Hill has my c-section scheduled a week further out than we’d hoped, November 8th. She didn’t really like that at all due to Boy S’s measurements. It all doesn’t add up and it really worries me that my due date has been pushed back even farther. I was kind of “relieved” to know she felt the same way. She told me that we will stick with what he says, but that she feels S may come sooner than the 8th.
I was initially upset with this change in our due date and ultimetely his arrival. But as I drove home I felt peace in knowing that it doesn’t really matter what we “plan” or what date is “set”, God knows the timing for Boy S’s arrival and when S is ready to come, he’ll come. (Just fyi if you’re curious, if I do go into labor on my own before set c-section time, they will do a c-section immediately).
As I drove home I just processed where I am at and I guess I wanted to share a bit because I really could use your prayers.
This pregnancy has taken a toll on me in so many ways. This pregnancy has effected my mental and emotional state so very much. I am so ready to have him here, in my arms, alive and well. I feel weary and worn down, yet thankful for Boy S and his health, all at the same time. I feel at my breaking point a lot and am constantly seeking Him for strength. It’s just a lot to handle, being pregnant for the 3rd time in 3 years, having an active 2-year-old, grieving the loss of our daughter and dealing with everything emotionally and mentally in this pregnancy. I am having a hard time sleeping due to anxiety, fear, some “nesting” things kicking in for me. Also this pregnancy, my body aches most moments of the day. I know it makes sense, 3 years in a row of being pregnant with very little breaks in between and not losing, but gaining weight after losing Eisley hasn’t helped my aching body at all this pregnancy. My body is just worn out, mentally and physically. I feel like I’ve complained a lot this pregnancy and especially this summer as it’s been in the record breaking temperature for weeks and weeks now. If you know me at all, you know I LOVE summer, heat, humidity, laying out in the sun all sweaty ;) (I mean, we’re going to live in Thailand someday, I really do love HOT weather!), however this summer has taken a toll on me. I think it’s just the combination of all of the above. If you follow me on twitter you hear about how much I hate this heat while prego way more than you should, haha.
Here I am, at 30 weeks, or wait is it 29 weeks now?! Haha, whatever. Here I am, huge pregnant with a strong and healthy baby boy growing and thriving within me, my awesome, sweet, crazy-energetic 2-year-old following behind me every step of the way (quite literally, even my frequent trips to the bathroom ;)), my patient husband “holding my hand” along this journey through life, marriage, parenthood, grieving, expectancy, etc…whew, how incredibly thankful I am even in the amidst everything being battled.
(this photo i love and realized later than it looks like my belly is squishing Chase on the couch :) haha!)
I really am very thankful for this pregnancy and God’s timing, for my precious family here and in heaven, for where God is leading us and for this season and how even though it’s breaking me in many ways, it’s a beautiful, broken arrary of things in this season that are messy, yes, but needed for my healing and my heart as it prepares for another little one so soon after the loss of our girl.
Whew, (how’s that for an update?! eeee!)…
Thank you for loving on us in this time, especially those who’ve really already begun to reach out to us again as we have come swiftly upon the one year anniversary of the death and birth of our precious Eisley-girl. Just two weeks from today actually… just …wow.
I am so very thankful for YOU. Yes, you. Thank you for loving us, standing with us, sharing in our joys and our sorrows with us. I really cannot express how thankful I am for you. Even if you’ve been totally silent in standing with us, I feel it (and kind of see it on my site-meter-thingy, hehe) I mean that. Thank you…