Kid’s First Furry Pet (Saying Goodbye)

In April, we welcomed our first furry pets to the family. Bunnies, Elsa and Anna, named by Frozen-lover Chase.BunniesBlogCollage_2We visited a local pet store nearby “just for fun” and then fell in love with these two 8 week old bunnies. Learned they were sisters so we couldn’t take just ONE of course. ;) We waited a whole day/night before deciding (HA!) and surprised the boys with bunny pancakes to share the news: They’d get their first fur pets! I couldn’t quite commit to a puppy/dog yet. I just didn’t feel ready to add that to our chaotic life, so we thought Elsa and Anna would be a perfect beginning to teach our boys pet responsibility. Cleaning the cage, feeding them twice daily, making sure they have water, getting them outside, etc. BunniesBlogCollage_3Momma and Ever squeezed loved them too.
BunniesBlogCollage_1Smitten.BunniesBlogCollage_4I put together a cheap little “rabbit run”. They have now grown 3x the size they were haha, so we are in the process of making a hutch with recycled materials.


  The bunny Anna puts his nose against Chase’s and sits still. It seems so silly but we love these bunnies like they are puppies :)


I wrote this before we had to make the heartbreaking decision to send the rabbits to Humane Society.  To make a long (and disturbing) story short… they weren’t sisters. They were actually a boy and girl. We woke to baby bunnies last Monday, all of which died before noon the same day. Terribly disturbing  situation and THANK THE LORD we somehow managed to hide everything from the boys. THEY HAVE NO IDEA (so please do not ask them about the babies)!

  We had originally planned on this large outdoor/indoor hutch for the “girls” but once we knew one was a boy, we separated them (into cages) and honestly do not have the room to house them separately. I don’t have the heart to craigslist or sell them back to the pet store which was LESS than ideal for a living situation. So after research I found our humane society will take them (we pay them) and give them to a good home. They do a lot of research and even meet with us to talk about the pets and what they like/don’t like.

We’ve shared with the boys that one is a girl and one is a boy which means they could have babies and we wouldn’t be able to take care of them. (I never would have thought that, but let’s just say the animal kingdom SUCKS sometimes… not a fan.) Tonight Chase pieced things together a bit and said “But mom, if they are boy and girl, they are sister and brother! So they can’t get married and have babies!” That was a tough one. Ted took over haha and shared that bunnies do not think like humans haha…. oh dear. 99345741-BC5E-4202-8A67-B73612560939

 Anyways, tomorrow we say goodbye! I’m so sad to put my kiddos through this. I know it’s a part of life but it is going to be so difficult. Praying we can find a dog to fit our family SOONER than later so to ease the pain of this sudden loss for the boys. (The good news is these bunnies have taught our boys a TON about taking care of animals well!)



I know it’s just bunnies, but watching their hearts break is always difficult (for me) no matter the reason.

Davis Haven: Our Front Yard!

When we moved into our cute, little “Davis Haven”, I didn’t touch the yard (besides occasionally mowing). The previous owners had seven large dogs. I kid you not. And the yard was living proof. Oh and also, *ahem*, dead proof too. But that’s another story, which I do not want to retell. Ha!

I wish I had taken better ‘before’ pictures. I literally cursed pulled, ripped up and bagged TWENTY-FIVE bags of weeds, old gnarly plants and leaves that hadn’t been racked up. Even our sweet, elderly neighbors noticed the many trash bags and offered their trash can each week until our pile was gone. OH DEAR. We are THAT family on the block :)

Nah, they were all so incredibly gracious to us during the process of making our home beautiful on the outside too. I think they were just thankful that this year we decided to do something with our yard (opposed to last year when I just didn’t have the motivation to do ANYthing with the outside). All that to say, this past spring, I was so excited to get out and make the yard beautiful too. I worked SO hard on this yard, and even still work to keep up with the dang weeds! It has been an incredibly fun process for us all! I enjoyed waking up with a new dawn and the kiddos and I spending hours outside. Here are some pics I snapped along the way (with my crummy iPhone, so grace please ;))yardblog_1      Weeds are dang resilient and pop up even with a weed mat in place! The Irises pictured above and below were given to be from the “stash” my grandparents have at their home. Beautiful AND free, you can’t beat that!    yardblog_2While weeding the front initially, I noticed bricks lined the fence line. Since we do not have a dog currently, I just ripped them all up, washed them and saved them for the projects you see here! So I didn’t pay A PENNY for the bricks you see. (I also see bricks AND perennials on Craigslist for free if you’re ever looking!)
11329956_10152945026931989_294588017045292068_nThis area (above) was a bit difficult to decide what to do with. The grass was SO worn down from the previous owners. I began to notice we too walked on this area a lot – to access the yard and swing we’d placed under a tree. So instead of laying a few feet of sod, I kept the wood chip and brick theme, and used two pallet steps that were at our home when we moved in. Now I can kick back and watch my kiddos take care of the yard ;)   yardblog_3Above: You see more of the perrenials my grandparents and dad have given me from their abundant overflow! Shailo and Chase both have really taken ownership of this home and yard and it’s a joy to watch! I have been incredibly in awe of them and their desire to help me weed, water and take care of what God has given us!11705331_10153037556086989_5248507934992043440_n (1)The grass… we literally watered it almost daily and did nothing else. Our neighbors to our right have a company come weekly to spray their grass, which causes asthma for both Shailo and I. It’s just not worth it, so I decided let’s just water and see what happens and either we got lucky, or it just works!11222702_10153037558536989_3443748197825867322_nWe LOVE being in our front yard! 11267215_10153037560681989_688035163497810358_nAbove: This before and after is really more an ‘in between’ and an ‘after’ shot! I didn’t snap a shot of what this looked like before. I would love to paint the concrete a natural concrete look to hide the stains and then touch up the black railings. 11017733_10152945027881989_4844079783267964096_nIt was all worth the hard work and sweat. And I got a pretty sweet tan in the process too, so can’t complain, ;)

Next spring, THE BACK YARD. Oh dear Lord, hold me.

Finding the beauty beneath.

(May 2014)

One year ago today we moved to Colorado Springs! And oh what a year it has been for our family! We spent time reflecting on the past year in “the Springs”, our new city and home – it has been uniquely beautiful, even though it wasn’t anything like we’d imagined.

Jesus has been seeking after my heart, pursuing me over and over again, meeting me where I’m at, in ways that might seem so small but are significant to me. Lately, it has been in nature, while being down on my knees, wrist deep in dirt, yanking up weeds, planting seeds and flowers…The last year has been a season of what reminds me a lot of weeding, actually. It has actually been THE hardest and the best year simultaneously. I touched on this a bit in one of my recent posts (click here to read) – We’ve moved, yet again, and found ourselves in the same place as before: broken, struggling, lonely, avoiding painful things and busying our lives in such a way we don’t have to face them.

Until, like weeds, these things have begun to suffocate us over the past almost 5 years since Eisley’s death. Taking over our lives so much so that it was hard to even see the beautiful things now hidden beneath the mess. It was beginning to be hard to remember they were even there anymore.

We’re currently walking through the thick of what springtime brings – figuratively and literally speaking;  sunshine and rainy days begin to be more and more frequent, flowers, buds and trees begin to blossom, and also these icky things called weeds begin to grow as well. IMG_7752

(The ‘before’ of part of our front yard)

It might sound odd, but weeding is one of my favourite things to do in springtime. It can be tedious, it is guaranteed to be messy, and is even painful at times but working hard removing the weed – digging deep, finding the root and digging it out completely, it’s truly rewarding. Even when you’ve finished just a small area, and step back to take a look at your work, it’s encouraging! You begin to notice the plants or flowers that have been hidden yet have still tried to make their way through the thick of the weeds.  IMG_7735

(Hard work pays off!)

It isn’t perfect and weeds are bound to pop up now and again, but what if we pulled them as they appeared, rather than avoid them? Imagine how much more beautiful and freeing that would be!

Have you ever noticed how the weeds you decided to avoid the spring/summer before seem to come back twice as big and hardy, and maybe even multiplied? This is the perfect picture of what the past (almost) 5 years have been like for us.  Gnarly weeds growing and taking over areas that were once full of life and beauty.

When we moved to The Springs, I had high expectations for what moving meant for us. Expectations of the busy life slowing to a more simpler, family centered life where we could find healing. I had these ideas of what it “should” look like and thought maybe, just maybe THIS will be the place we find healing, and truly begin to move forward and not backwards. Not long after the move I began to notice familiar patterns and again we were in a constant struggle, and yet another season of “too busy” to face things that need faced head on.

And to be honest, this fall, I crumbled.  And then we added more loss and more heartache in January with the loss of another baby (I should be 24 weeks now). And I just felt done with it all,  to the point of no return. The journey of seeking after healing after loss felt so hopeless when loss continues to pile up on us. And time slips away so fast we aren’t able to process, or perhaps choose not to because we just don’t know where to begin.

We hit rock bottom soon after Everly’s 1st birthday.  We were truly suffocating from the “weeds” and it was time to either face what needs to to be faces, or to allow them to suffocate us.

But this time we’ve chosen to face things head on. To dig deep and yank up those damn roots that have been growing deeper and larger each year! For once we’ve actually taken steps to move forward and OH HOW HEALING that alone has been.

I think we all some type of  “weed” in our lives that’s suffocating us, am I right? Maybe one’s we’ve avoided for so long, we can no longer see the beauty hiding beneath. Or perhaps they are small ones, just beginning to appear.

 Let’s dig them up, friends!IMG_7753

(Shailo showing me how tall the Iris has grown – it’s rare when he wants his picture taken or he’s actually looking at the camera haha)

Spring time is here, and I can’t wait to see the beauty that unfolds from our hard work!

Let’s Carry the Lee Family.

Our dear friends tragically lost their daughter yesterday. She was born 19 weeks early and lived for a few hours before she passed away. In this time many people who know them personally have asked how to help, so we’ve created a practical way for people to help financially using Go Fund Me (EVERY penny goes directly to them).  Even if you do not know them personally, would you consider giving? I decided to reach out to all of you, my sweet blog followers!

LetscarrytheleesPlease consider giving here and sharing this link on your own social media platforms?

Let’s rally together and carry the Lees in this time of deep sorrow.


Lessons at the Royal Gorge.


(The Royal Gorge – photo by Ted)

We’re facing some huge mountains and even deep valleys in our lives. (pun intended with this post, but I’m also quite serious) ‘The mountains’ being decisions we’re having to make and ‘the valleys’ representing the areas we have yet to face that we are afraid to, or “haven’t had time” to. We are weighed down by life’s punches and blows, the sudden ones and the old blows that still ache with each breath. Today, we just knew we had to get out – literally.  Where better to run to in Colorado than to the mountains? It’s always our favourite escape. We begin our trek usually not knowing where we are going – letting go of (almost) all control (which is why Ted drives in such circumstances), we drive until we decide where to go and what to do. More often than not, our kiddos fall asleep within the first 20-30 minutes, we roll our windows down to take in the fresh air and just listen to music.

After some time, one of the two of us speak the vulnerable, powerful words that carry so much…”I’m so sorry…”and reach for the other’s hand. Hot tears stream down our cheeks.

Here we are again, and again, and again.

So much pain and suffering shoved to the side, overlooked, or perhaps avoided, raising it’s ugly head in words spoken to one another. And life, oh life hasn’t been gracious to stop to say “Hey, it’s okay to grieve. Let’s talk. Let’s cry. Let’s scream. Let’s write. Let’s take time to heal.”

It’s been brutal. And boy, are we done.  But not done with LIFE and with LIVING. We are done with SUFFERING. Suffering, not just due to the losses we have had, but mainly the suffering due to the choices we’ve made along the way. Ones of avoidance, choices made to choose the busyness of life so not to feel and face the valleys, the deep and dark places that terrify us.

The first few months of this year have been incredibly painful, filled with sickness after sickness, hospitalization of Everly, and amidst all of that the loss of another baby (I would entering my 2nd trimester this week). From the outside looking in, we appear to be okay. And it makes sense why people around us have thought we’ve even moved on. Appearance… oh my. What a joke, am I right? How many times do we (you?) lie through your teeth “I’m doing good!”? We just keep pushing through and going and going and going. But is that strength? We know, we are anything but strong right now. We had given up just two weeks ago. We wanted to call it quits on everything. And those moments, our “rock bottom”, have led us to this moment here…

Now, we are making choices for our family that aren’t easy (the mountains) which don’t look anything like we’d imagined, or planned for. Or where we’d imagined. It actually might seem like a rather simple life, from the outside looking in. Or like we’ve given up on our dreams, our calling even. But we know this is not, and that this is the first time we are deliberate in choosing to face this “valley” that we haven’t fully faced, and that is no small or simple or weak thing. It is strong to decide this path, though it’s more painful and requires more faith (for us).


(The Royal Gorge – photo by Ted)

I stood today and looked down into the depths of this gorge. And my stomach sank due to fear (especially with my kids near!) yet once I recognized how truly safe we were, the fear naturally dissolved and I began to see the beauty everywhere. There was beauty even in the depths where the river raged below. I almost gasped, it was so stunning. I suddenly realized it was no coincidence that we were there. I felt like this was a picture of where we are at: A picture of us, facing this gorge, this valley and feeling fear as we look down. Fear of falling and being unable to get back up, or worse. Fear of the unknown in facing the raging river. But from above I can see there is also beauty below. Though it will be difficult to crawl back into that valley and face these things, the beauty that will meet us amidst all of this pain and fear, is undeniably healing.

Now, if you had told me I would get this kind of an amazing picture, just even a week ago, I would have scoffed, honestly. I have put up some major barriers in my relationship with God in my search for answers. Searching for peace and understanding in every season of life and feeling as though I come up empty handed each time, or worse – suffering more loss. And that is painful and confusing. I want to be in a place where I can trust Him wholeheartedly, again. And with this picture, I feel like once I can do what He’s wanting us to do – to truly face this valley – our fear will begin dissolve, our trust will begin to build up again.

He’ll walk us through this valley. He will be with us.

And perhaps, for now, that is my answer. That He will be with us each step of the way.

(taken with my iphone)

 And for these little eyes that are watching, and looking into the gorge but not truly knowing what their momma and daddy are giong to be facing (and honestly, I don’t want them to fully know!)… I want to do this for all of us. I want to show them that though you will face these gorges, and have to walk through these valleys, you need to and you WILL come out alive.

We are more than conquerers with Him.

 We can do this.

However difficult and painful. However long it takes.IMG_4959

Time to face this valley.


I’ve written posts with talk of this kind of having hope to face this. Talk of facing giants and valleys and mountains and fears, etc, etc, etc… but this time we actually have steps in place to help us. Such as long term grief and marital counseling for this year. Which is a first, the longest stretch we did was almost 2 months, and it was our healthiest 2 months since the loss of Eisley. Grief and lingering sorrow have truly seeped into every area of our lives: health – we are both the most unhealthy we’ve ever been physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s seeped into our drive, our passions, into who we are and how we live.

I told Ted today, for the first time since Eisley passed away, I have felt it is time to move forward. I need to figure out how to say goodbye, which is something I haven’t been able to let go and to do yet. Almost 5 years later… I don’t know what this will look like, but I am ready to move forward and begin my trek through this valley.

Thankful that Jesus is walking before us.

Thank you for reading this novel. :)


Happily {Ever} After – Everly’s First Birthday

IMG_4567I went a little “punny” with Everly’s first birthday. Happily Ever After, ONE(ce) Upon A Time.  Whimsical, vintage, princess’y party! (Party details and DIYs below!)L30A0531 Our sweet girl! She didn’t know what to think of all of the attention at first, but soon she warmed up and became the “Belle of the ball” and LOVED the attention and ooohing and awwwing over her. She recently learned to really walk beyond just 5 steps and now walks everywhere!



EverlyFirstBirthday_collage5BEAUTIFUL GIRL!
EverlyFirstBirthday_collage6The headband is a Claire’s brand that I stumbled upon at Toys R Us randomly! I painted the flower teal to match for her party :)
EverlyFirstBirthday_collage7Cake time!!L30A0594EverlyFirstBirthday_collage8Probably my favourite moment was her smashing her entire face into the cake! HEHE!

L30A0675Oh how I love this photo!


(above photo taken with iphone)L30A0643… and then she bit her finger! awww.

IMG_4545(above photos taken with iphone)

My sweet and me.

EverlysFirstBirthdayMy best friends and their families drove down to celebrate with us! My friend Chey (in green) is 18 weeks pregnant with her first and we are pretty much freaking out over it!IMG_4550Ever and her best friend Poe (exactly 4 months apart)IMG_4565

(above photo: taken with iPhone)

Happy first birthday, Everly Selah!

PARTY DETAILS BELOW:IMG_4569 Almost every piece of decor you saw at the party, we already had and were using as decor somewhere in our home! The little clock you see was a hand-me-down from my madre. Most of this decor was in Everly’s room already. The mirror was a splurge – I found it at a flea market in town for $8!


I upcycled a jar into a pretty little straw holder. Lace, hot glue and some string for a bow. The fabric you see as a tablecloth is vintage material I’ve had for years. I actually had it tacked up as curtains in Everly’s room :)

The owl above was thrifted before every was born and painted gold.

Her “smash cake” was just a muffin I frosted. I might be crafty and love throwing parties… but I am no Betty Crocker. Hence, no baking for this party. :)

Everly'sFirstBirthday_3I used a lot of golden paint for this party (well, really only one acrylic bottle!)

I painted the scrabble display pieces gold, as well as the little wooden keys I snagged from Hobby Lobby.

CAKE STAND DIY: This was a super easy and fun project! I bought two unique wine glasses/goblets from Goodwill for $.99 each. I then bought the two plates you see on top of them (which came with tea cups and also were already pink and gold! $2 for each set. SCORE!) I painted the glass with two coats of gold paint. Let it dry and then I super glued the plates to the glasses! So simple and you have cute “cake stands”!

IMG_4570(above photo: taken with iPhone)

I used a vintage suitcase we had as decor.


I made each girly a little crown out of lace. I modge podged the lace, let it dry and then painted each side golden. I molded them into circles for crowns, and hot glued them to stay together. I then looped a piece of string through so parents could put it on their kiddo.


(above photo: taken with iPhone)

I took a golden frame from The Dollar Tree and hot glued the fabric border to the outside. I then added lace and a cute picture of Everly inside!

10615994_939359656074244_552055445537464960_nIMG_4566The pictures you see hung up all around for the party were taken with instagram and printed with Sticky 9 (formally known as Sticky Gram).

Everly'sFirstBirthday_4I actually only used a glue gun for this project and the other banners you’ve seen, no sewing (which is great as my sewing machine is currently broken!) The DIY you can find here.


For party favors I used burlap bags I found 50% off at Hobby Lobby and filled them with dollar store barrettes and wands, playdoh and the little armor hands you see behind, for the boys of the party!

I might say this every party, but this was truly one of the funnest parties to plan and decorate for! LOVED IT ALL!

IMG_4544Happy birthday, beautiful girl!

Our scare with “Ev’y bear”

We had a scary week with our “Ev’y bear” (as Auntie Chey calls her) last week. She started to show signs of being sick Sunday. By Monday she was coughing constantly and I took her (and Shailo) to our pediatrician. And they sent us home saying Shailo needed his nebulizer but nothing much about Ever. To be honest, I left that day more worried about Shailo than Everly. I couldn’t have imagined how badly the next few days would be.


By Tuesday evening she was so ill she couldn’t keep food or drink down. By wednesday afternoon she was lethargic and hadn’t peed/pooped since the night before. I couldn’t get her to nurse or eat anything. At that point we knew it was time to take her to be seen. I drove to Urgent Care (to be honest, I just didn’t realize how bad she really was otherwise I would have gone straight to the hospital). They knew right away that she was dehydrated and that they’d be sending us to the ER. Before we left they tested her for RSV. It came back positive within minutes. We went to the ER and again she was seen immediately. In her case since she was dehydrated and her RSV was determined to be bronchiolitis- which is inflammation of her small airways, but they couldn’t tell by X-ray if she had pneumonia or not due to dehydration. It was confusing, but basically once she was hydrated we would either see her begin to get better (RSV) or worse (Pneumonia) and then in that case they would put her on antibiotics immediately.

We were driven by ambulance to Children’s Hospital. Her pulse ox levels were very low and they put her on oxygen immediately. They were frustrated the previous hospital hasn’t already done so.


IMG_3873I had a few surreal moments one in the ER and then again at the hospital, where I felt similar, terrible, almost physically painful feelings of fear like I felt when pregnant with our Eisley-girl. I feared we were losing our Ever-girl too. (Ted couldn’t be there with us, which looking back, I wish we could have just made it work because of how terrible it was. It was too complicated… our boys were also sick and we didn’t want to bring that into other families homes!)

Having already lived the nightmare of losing a child once, it was hard to visit similar fears. Like beyond hard. My words cant even express the fear. I had to buckle down and just ride it all out as each twist and turn came to us for Ever! I didn’t want her to sense my fear, so I would sing to her, hum or try to calm her with kisses and soothing words.IMG_3663One of the most difficult things to watch was when they had to put an IV in my baby. The poked, and poked, and poked. She was so dehydrated it was difficult to put an IV in. I held her down through the entire thing. They poked both feet, both arms, one hand… she was so stressed she her clench her jaw, stopped breathing and begin to shake. After everything settled down, and I had a few moments with her to myself. I just held her and cried. Everything inside of me wanted to flip out. My amazing hubby made me snap out of my panicked state. He told me I had to keep it together for Everly. Any other time, I would have probably flipped out at his comment, but this time I just knew he was right (and this was all on the phone).


Ted wasn’t able to be there with me at all. It was “only” all of 3 days but it felt like an eternity. It was terrible, and lonely and incredibly traumatic to be honest. I felt helpless and I knew that all I could do for Ever was to just hold her on my shoulder, the only position she would let me hold her due to her discomfort and tubes, etc. She never got used to the oxygen in her nose or the IV in her arm. They bothered her until the nurses took them out, honestly. Poor, sweet girl was SO stressed out of her mind during her stay in the hospital. IMG_3871 The first night in the hospital, Everly was exhausted and would fall asleep only to be woken up and checked on every 30 min and then an hour. She was miserably tired. I even “snuck” into her bed once, just to get her to sleep quickly. I couldn’t sleep that night, mostly due to the situation. How can you sleep when your baby is lying so sick? And see that crib above? Everly wanted nothing to do with it.

After an another exhausting day of little sleep I told Ted on the phone that we couldn’t keep going at this rate. They had volunteers, every once and a while, pop in to see if they could sit with Everly. And occasionally I would say “yes” just so I could simply pee. Once time I actually left the room for a coffee. I couldn’t leave her long, knowing how stressed and confused she was already…I just couldn’t walk away.

Finally the second night, I told the nurse I was going to sleep in the bed with her. And they allowed it.

At that point, when I crawled into bed with her.. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to function the next day without just a few hours of sleep. She needed sleep and she could recover better. I just kept wondering how on earth can she recover when she was stressed more than she’d ever been in her life! How was that healthy for her?

And that night… Everly slept SO well. A total of 6 hours off and on, which Ted laughed at, but still it was more than the 2.5hrs the night before!
IMG_3582Sure enough, the next morning she woke rested, she had slept AND nursed throughout the night. She even took her meds without getting sick and had finally peed A LOT which was good sign! She sat up and played for that morning and was beginning to be like her happy, smiley self. 10987389_10152722782831989_8919462880255251472_nBy Friday morning, not even 48 hours later, she was able to get the oxygen off and the Pediatrician told us that afternoon she could go home if she was still on the “up and up”! She said since she was hydrated and no longer needed oxygen, she would likely heal better at home in her own enviroment. I agreed and we were SO ready to get home! I felt nervous leaving, but also felt like I knew the signs now to bring her back if need be.
IMG_3661Above is Ever about to leave the hospital! WOOHOO! The blood tests she had done also revealed she’s severly anemic. So we now give her drops twice daily in juice (or applesauce, etc) like it’s pictured above, until her iron levels are better. Chase had a similiar problem, so that I am not too worried about. 10994585_10152727324571989_3574779648869888800_nValentine’s Day (well, even still!) I had moment after moment of gratefulness. When you suddenly picture the worst case scenario happening (my mind always goes there since Eisley’s death) and then you end up doing so much better than imagined. I can’t even really express how incredible and amazing that is. I feel more aware and grateful for her more than ever before. Above picture: I was washing dishes with her in the bumbo, like our normal every day life, and it just hit me… SHE’S HERE AND SHE’S OKAY. I cried and picked her up and snuggled her the rest of the evening. 1508181_10152727469696989_3150643600025849048_nIn the back of my mind, I’m always afraid of losing another one of my precious babies. And last week really took me, took us, back to memories and places we’d rather not visit again. I am so thankful our sweet Ev’y Bear is still here with us, and thriving! And guess what? One week later and she is 100%. You would never guess she was so sick she was hospitalized just last week! And this little miss has her 1st birthday one week from today!

Two things truly resonated within me this week and I want to cling to them, in seasons of darkness and light:

1. I am a good momma. I’d give anything for them. I feel like God really spoke to my heart this last week and comforted and encouraged me along the way. I don’t want to sound vain, the truth is, I’ve never felt like a good mother. This last week was really interesting for my heart. I want to move forward in confidence in this. I am a good momma to my babies.

2. Good things DO happen to our family. We can’t live fatalistically anymore. I have struggled believing good things for our family lately. I feel like we’re drowning most of the time, so many losses and changes… and the beginning of this year has been incredibly painful and confusing already. I feel that part of the “we can do this” in me just gave up. I was tired of struggle, still am, but I feel energized again. We had a miscarriage already this year, I was “just” almost 7 weeks along. But the grief and pain, stirred up and new, has been so difficult to swallow. Then with Everly so sick I thought “what next?” and “This is our life.” Ted and I have both felt that after almost 5 years of struggle in grief after loss, and then everything in between, we’ve “guarded” our hearts from believing good things like we used to. Walls have gone up in many areas of our lives. Fear based and guarded to have a sense of “protection” and maybe to feel prepared for the next thing to go wrong.

We don’t want to live this way anymore. I don’t know what this looks like. But we’re just going to take it a day at a time. Believing and hoping for good and beautiful things for out family!

Paper Heart Photoshoot – Everly Style

We have a silly, fun “tradition” of sorts each Valentine’s. Since Chase’s first Valentine’s Day we have done a paper heart photo-shoot. And it just became a little fun tradition ever since.  Well, this year, Little Miss Ever joined in :) Be ready to MELT. The beautiful dress she is wearing was made for her by my Grandma, Ev’s “GG-ma”!




 After our scare with her last week (I have a blog post in the works about it now), these just feel especially special to me. I am so thankful she is doing so much better now!

I couldn’t find any from last year, I’m not sure if we even did it. I was huge pregnant with Ever (she’s 1 in 2 weeks!) so maybe that was why :)valentines_overtheyears (1) Chaseyboy in years past!valentinesdaycollage_overtheyears (1)

Shailo ages 3 months and 15 months.

Just a fun little tradition.

Thanks for stopping by :)

(Almost) One years worth of cuddles!

I am a lover of documenting moments in our lives. The beautiful, the messy, the posed, the candid, the hilarious, the teary, etc.

Well. this miniseries of photos wasn’t planned. These are moments that are very much real in our lives. Our bed almost always has one, most of the time two kiddos in it by dawn. When the sun rises, Chaseyboy wakes from his own bed and comes to ours to snuggle. It’s a family ordeal. One that some nights require a lot of patience and less sleep than one should have, however I know this isn’t going to last forever… and to be honest, I love it.

Below are pictures of the last (almost) year of morning cuddles with their sissy. I snapped one recently (the very last photo) and decided to look back because I remembered snapping others similar. I put them together and my heart “burst”.


Chase 4, Everly 1 month, Shailo 2



Chase 4, Everly 4 months, Shailo 2IMG_2977-0Chase 5, Everly 7 months, Shailo 2


Chase 5, Everly 11 months, Shailo 3

And yes, you bet I will make them do a similar pose when they are adults!


 If you’ve ever been in Colorado during the winter season, you know that it can snow one day and melt the next. In fact, it often snows and melts in the same day. True story. And also why I love Colorado: It may snow, but the sun isn’t too far behind. However, with that sunshine means quickly melted sledding hills!  Chase has been wanting to go, but I haven’t had the energy to get out on those days snowy enough to sled. Last week, we finally got out, even though the hill near our home was already melting! We made it work, and the kiddos had a blast!

This day was exactly what our family needed. A little bit of sunshine and fun. As you may have read in my most recent post, it has been an incredibly difficult season for our family. More so than I want to share (at least for now).

This day was a deliberate decision to get out and do something that would impact our family in a healthy way… yes, even something as simple as sledding. I am determined to make many more decisions that are healthy for our family, despite being so “busy” or down in this funk that this momma has been in.

This is our year of breakthrough. I believe it. And this day, I felt it. Here’s to many more…SleddingCollage_1


SleddingCollage_4Everly’s first time sledding :)

SleddingCollage_2SleddingCollage_6Sledding and snowball fights, but of course! SleddingCollage_5

Please note the boys’ faces behind me sledding! (above)


It was such a memorable time! Thanks photographer hubby for some fab pics of that day.


We are about to enter the “snowiest” time of our year until spring, so hopefully that means more times sledding!