Ash Beneath, Rain Above.

White and black

To gray
Please Jesus please
It burns
Ashes lie to pain
No more
Owned to disown
Thrown away
Deep stains tend to remain
A cry
A longing
A piercing
A tear does fall
Even now.
Cry to die
Die to hide
Hide to find
Oh what a find, everything
Dark beneath all else
Thought to be lost
Yet remains
Fade, please fade
To the nothingness
Distasteful taste
Now we’re face to face
Erase, yes now erase
And rather bland now
Wouldn’t you say?
Old to new
New to all beauty divine
This is really something
A taste with colour
Something quite rare
A cry falls to the floor
C r a s h i n g down
Down there
No more, Darling, no more
Die to self
Self to rise
No more falling, only rise
Up to colour, oh shine
Where the lilies smile
A field with beauty divine
Ash beneath
Rain above
Such pretty rain
Such pretty rain
Such pretty rain
You’re here to stay
Don’t delay
Don’t hesitate
Run, oh and dance
Through all beauty
Don’t rush, no, please take your time.
– I can go through quite the array of emotions! I was torn. I had moments of intense fear and moments of complete trust. This was a moment of fear changing into a moment of trust.

One Step Beyond.

Please pray for Ted and I as we are dealing with a few situations where we need to rely on God’s peace and put in His armor.

God has really been emphasizing peace in Ted and I lately. In areas where we usually would react or shrink back, He is calling us to push forward and pursue peace.
Alaska is the perfect place to pursue peace. It’s beautiful, stunning really. And where we are located is extremely peaceful.
I know God is on control, and He will take what the enemy has planned for evil and make it good, but the part where I need to trust Him and wait…well it’s a little easier said than done. Remember the unconditional trust lesson… yeah still working on this.
Also, while we are up here Ted is getting his dental work taken care of. He is in need of a root canal and can get it cheaper up here, so we are waiting for an open appointment. The past three mornings we’ve been up around 6 am to drive to the dentist and wait for an open appointment, this will continue next week until we hopefully get an appointment! ‘
Pray this opens up so he can get everything taken care of!
Thanks for your prayers! We love you guys!
Jami (& Ted whose snoozing on the couch)
photo above: a street sign here in AK

Pursuit of Peace.

Day 2:

Ted and I went for a long drive through the lovely mountains here. I am not kidding when I say we are surrounded by beauty. It is absolutely breathtaking.
We decided as we drove, to make it a time to worship God, so we did just that. It was incredibly peaceful which I needed today. We are calling this Alaskan vacation our pursuit for peace.

Walking My Talk.

( Okay, so I know I literally just wrote the blog below. I didn’t want it to go on and on, so bare with me on this one! )

Another attack we feel is in my health, yet again.
On the return of our Febraury outreach, I got very ill with first stomach sickness and then bronchitis for almost three months. My asthma was terrible inflared and painful.

This time around, I have strange infections. The night we returned to Denver I stepped on a carpet tack strip and three of the tacks peirced my skin, one becoming terribly infected. That was almost a month ago, and here I am on antibiotics, a gimp, and with my cheap attempt of a bandage on my heel.

Then to top things off, before I began my antibiotics my wedding ring finger became infected from my allergies to my wedding band. (Yup, im allergic to my forever to be worn band!) This immediately flared up into a nasty pus- infection just as my foot.

I am now on antibiotics, and learning A LOT. I’m learning a lot about infections, and facts and myths on how to clean them…but that is not what I am talking about.

I am learning a ton about how much God wants me to walk the talk. I can write a novel on wanting and longing to trust God unconditionally, but truly…walking this out when times like these come, it another novel in and of itself.

I’m learning with everything coming our way, God is saying
“Hey trust me despite how great, bad, or ugly this situation may be. I’m trusting you to trust in Me.”

We by no means have this nailed down. But we’re loving the lesson. Seriously, this has been one of the most eye opening times for me.

Walking my talk.

Unconditional Trust.

It comes as less of a shock each time. With each attempted blow, we only turn farther in to our Saviours arms. Learning to trust Him unconditionally, with the occasional step outside of our refuge, thinking “we can do this on our own strength”. (Think again, silly ones.)

I wrote the blog below, as Ted and I are both being challenged to trust God unconditionally.
Honestly, since being back we have been hit with the most outrageous situations, ones which we think cannot possibly get any worse and yet they do.

Are current home sweet home, is in the basement of a YWAMer (& 2 other staff above). It is such a blessing to live with a kind of “family” (consisting of four boys & me), and especially ones who are in the same boat as us. It is encouraging.

Before outreach we let our apartment know (verbally) that we were leaving the country, that our place was cleaned out, that we were turning in our “30 days notice” in and we would turn our keys in on the day our lease was up (Aug. 10). We actually spoke with them twice before outreach, and it turns out, due to our ignorance of a written notice, it doesn’t matter how many times we tell them verbally that we are turning in our 30 days notice…they need it on paper. It was not their obligation to share this with us.

Needless to say we are paying for it now. We are currently still paying two rents totally out to $1,500 for rents. And can I just say, God has been incredibly good to us. He has blessed us this month with more support than we normally get.

Why am I writing? Surprisingly not for the reason you may be thinking but instead for your PRAYERS. We need them right now, hardcore.

Ted and I have spent a lot of time in prayer, because we know that we are being attacked. In one of the things the apartment manager said, really struck us and we immediately felt the enemy in this all. They knew we are missionaries, and told us to “just go and ask your church for more money”. Can’t you feel the enemy in this?!

But we are not of those who shrink back.
There were times when sitting with the managers when our flesh wanted to raise our voice, fight for this, I won’t deny that, but we walked away knowing God will settle this however He so chooses.

Thanks for listening to my babblin. I just needed to share.
Love you.
Jami Joann


“The thief does not come except to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.” – John 10:10
We’ve just returned from a wonderful, victorious (& redemptive from the previous) outreach so honestly I expect nothing less from the enemy. His schemes and attempts to get us down, to believe lies, we will not accept.
I am writing for prayer because we really need it right now. I’ve really believed a lot of lies about who I am, the enemy telling me I am like I used to be. It makes me feel as though I am depressed.
I am not and I want to move forward, not take a huge step back, not even a little one.
I have really been doing great in walking in who I am in Christ! So this has been discouraging.
Please pray for Ted and I. Ted’s also struggling too. Please pray for us!
The enemy has been defeated.
Christ came so we may live abundantly, to the full.

100 Miles No Service.

“Hey Guys, we need to start praying. We’re now on empty and there’s no service for another 100 miles.”

I awoke to Ted speaking these lovely words, as our van heading to LA drove through the desolate Utah mountains.
And I actually thought he was kidding, so I leaned forward and looked for myself. Sure enough, we were on E.
Our team began to pray, asking God to just fill us up until we reached a gas station. We traveled another 20 miles, and still were rolling. We all continued to lift our voices to God, asking for His favor. And sung a few songs of worship and then waited.
Sure enough we ran into a sign that said a town was nearby. So we turned off and found a sign which read “Emery 25 miles”. I’m glad and so thankful to say we made it to this little town in the middle of no where. I documented this so maybe i can post photos later.
All of this to say, we did make the drive to Los Angeles, California. 18 hours of off and on sleeping, fuzzy radio stations, catch phrase, games with students, laughter & occasional crankiness.
We are now sitting in LAX & flying out in 2 hours for Tokyo, Japan. I believe our first flight to Japan is 15 hours, and from Japan we will fly to Bangkok, Thailand (!!) which is a 4-6 hour flight, I can’t really remember.
Also, we had to release two students, due to some guidelines being broken that we just recently became aware of. We are now a team of 13 instead of 15. Please pray for our team to really move forward strong. Also, I will be joining the group in a few dramas, and ted probably as well, because we are missing two people. Pray that we’ll learn quickly!!!
We love you all, thanks for checking up on us, and for your prayers!!
Love, Jami

Prayer Request.

So you may be wondering...”What ever happened with the home situation?”

Long story as short as I can make it… we did end up getting the best possible option for Ted and I and our needs, wants, & even desires!
It’s a funny thing really. As much as we are thrilled that God has provided us with a home that we love, we are also slightly worried because for two months while on outreach we will be paying for two rents.
We did have two guys set up to live in our apartment since February or so we thought. Well that fell through last week, and now we are left with paying two rents.
We’ve asked around trying to find someone to live in one or even people for both homes. If you guys know of anyone (if you live close) that needs a place, please let us know!!
Ted and I spent two days praying and seeking God in this decision and He led us to commit to our new home. So we are stepping out! Here we go!
We had to start paying now for our new home in order to have a place called home when we come back from outreach, otherwise many other people were looking at taking it.
We will be living with three of Ted’s friends, all YWAM Denver staff. They will have the upstairs rooms and the basement if ours! It is such a great deal and $100 cheaper than our rent now.
We were looking for another place because our lease at our apartment it up August 10, 2 days after we get back from Thailand.
Please pray for:
  • People to commit to living in our apartment before we leave, even if it is just one of our homes.
  • Ted and I to get our apartment cleaned out completely and moved into our new home before outreach without stress.
  • Our rent at the apartment not to be high (unfortunately this always fluctuates which should be illegal, but somehow it always happens.)
  • We will trust God.

A Lesson of Trust.

Sometimes challenges reacquire over and over and over again, until you finally stand still and realize, there is a lesson to be learned.
Now I am by no means saying God is cruel, and brings problems in our lives to “teach us a lesson” on how to “get it right”. But when these challenges arise, we can see that there is a lesson to be learned! God does work through the bad things or rough things to show us there is good that will come out of this.
Our most recent reaquiring challenge is financially. (By the way, this is by no means meant to be a manipulative way of saying send us money!!) When I say recent, I mean from the very moment we said, “I do.” Interesting huh?
I have seen the way the enemy has tried to disunify Ted and I right away in marriage and I’m honestly not surprised. They actually say one of the most common reasons for divorce is financial…. You’d think the enemy would be a little trickier, but really he’s not at all. Pretty predictable.
Ted & I were talking the other day about situations we are in right now financially, and realized this very thing. We have been challenged in this area since we’ve bee married. We’ve come to realize we need this! We are called to this kind of living, as missionaries and we should stand on what God has asked of us, and trust him! If God has called you He will provide and give us his grace to get through things.
So the lesson we are learning, and yes we are just now opening our eyes to see, we need to trust Him. Not a trust which comes and goes, but one that never fails because he never fails.
If we could trust God and be faithful, then we will go so far! (I’m not just talking to myself here, this could apply really in anything!)
T R U S T Him for He is worthy of our trust. He longs for us to fully rely upon Him.
Not by our strength! (thank goodness huh?)
I’m actually going to post another blog up top right now. So you’re getting a lot of info today!
Love, Jami Joann

Photo: a cup of reflection tea. Taken by us last year on a weekend camping trip.

Home Sweet… Help!

Hey Friends and Family!

We are in need of your prayer again. I’ll try to make this short, simple, and sweet!
Ted and I are renting a one bedroom apartment as of right now. Our lease is up August 1st which is exciting for us, because it is too high in price a month plus we really want to live with YWAMers or a family. So we have been weighing our options, praying and trying to decide which place would be best between two choices we have.
The most reasonable place for us is with a group of YWAM staff in a home (which is what we prayed God would give us). We would get the entire basement to ourselves and it would be around $100 – $200 cheaper than where we are now. A blessing!
We would move in the home now, but we have a dilemma
The two guys who were going to rent our place until the lease was up, well, it’s no longer looking like this will be happening. All up in the air as of right now. So we would be stuck this summer paying two rents, and actually being on outreach in Thailand and not living in either of the places.
My prayer request is this… please pray, not for more support, but for people who want to rent our apartment until the lease is through.
Thank you SO much for your prayers. Your prayer support is what helps us in urgent, sometimes overwhelming times like these.
Love you guys!
Jami & Ted