Letting Go.

Today my mom and my friend Bethany both encouraged me with very similar things; being emotionally real and letting go of what hold onto so tightly.
They weren’t just talking about what I want our birth story to look like, they were talking about something deeper. (They didn’t actually say that, but I knew).
My trust in Him is what immediately came to mind. It is my weakness to pull away, to withdraw my hand, when things become difficult or tough. It is hard for me to trust Him completely, with my everything. I begin to try and take control of the situation in fear of what His will might be.
I am afraid He will leave me.
His will for me sometimes scares me, because of my past. I am left wondering how He expects me to truly trust Him completely. Then I remember how much He probably is longing for that. For my trust in Him again. And even how much He truly does deserve my everything.
This isn’t easy.
This isn’t simple.
Yet…

Here I am, letting go. Learning to trust.

Today’s Appointment

40w 4d
At 11:40 we had an appointment, where I was hoping to hear news of some kind of progress. Nothing. :/ It’s still in the same position, high and posterior.
I was discouraged, but I kind of expected that nothing was happening. Our baby is really comfortable the way he/she is and I am beginning to think that he/she is going to stay that way until the end.
They then had us go out for lunch so I was well fed and ready to be monitored for an hour or so, and to come back. So we ate and hurried back. They began monitoring baby and me, and I was having random contractions, but nothing special. Our baby is “text book perfect”!!! A sigh of relief today.
Today the midwife had to see me because Dr. Hill was in meetings, so we had to wait all afternoon to hear what he had to say about my check up and what he wanted to do.
My blood pressure was high today, which might have been anxiety, but we’re not sure. Tomorrow we have a 10:20 am MST appointment. If my blood pressure is still high and the baby has not shifted down then we will have to have a cesarean…
The past 5 days, since our thursday morning appointment, have been emotionally draining and challenging. I know that if I was overdue, but they still thought I would have the baby naturally, then I would be at peace. Because I know that the possibility of me having a c-section is very high right now, it’s been a long weekend and today was the worst. Ted and I are just ready and done with this waiting game. We don’t like hearing, “come back tomorrow and we’ll decide what to do…” every time.
I am so anxious to meet our baby and having him/her in the safest way possible is my greatest desire.
I am thankful that I didn’t have to have a c-section so suddenly that I wasn’t prepared. What I mean is at least I have had the weekend to really think about this as a reality and prepare emotionally if this really is my reality.
Please pray for us, for tomorrow’s appointment. Our Doctor is a christian man and please pray that God really guide him in what is best for our baby. Thank you for caring, praying and encouraging us!
We’re SO excited to become parents, most likely this week, and to meet our baby. I personally can’t wait to find out BOY OR GIRL and to call him/her by name!!!!

Advice please.

Hey Mommas,

I am looking for some practical and realistic advice and tips for how to lose the pregnancy weight. I can only imagine how shocking it must be after having our babies, yet still having the pregnancy weight. I know for a fact, that I am no longer a size 3/4 and I feel like I will never be my natural size again… *sigh* it’s already kind of depressing…
Anyways, I’ve thought a lot about a “plan” and wondering how realistic it might actually be once I have our baby. So, let me know what you have done to rid yourself of the weight. Let me know how you got back to your natural size.
Since you are mothers, then you know what is realistic and what isn’t. Having a detailed “I’m going to the gym every morning for 1 hour” plan is probably not realistic. Just a guess.
Thanks!

Because I’m Still Waiting…

40 weeks 2 days (today).

40 week belly. Taking one of yourself, just doesn’t do it justice. I’m huge!

Garage sale find: $1.50 play mat

Garage sale find: $2 Lamaze baby toys

Today’s thrift store find: $12 changing table!

This one’s for mom. All set up!

We rearranged. Our crib is no longer right next to the bed.

Thrift store find: $1.50 brown, green and white elephant pillow!

Matches our baby bedding! I laughed when I first saw it! I had to buy it!

Momma’s go thrift/garage saleing! The only problem about going garage saleing while prego is when people see your belly, they try and get you to buy everything they have that is baby! I kept telling them “I don’t know the sex.” Which still didn’t help!


To Be Honest…

I’ve calmed down a little bit since yesterday, although it is still pretty hard to keep my head on straight right now. To find peace the surpasses everything.

I’ve held back a lot in how I am really doing and feeling about this new situation. Honestly, due to fear of man and what people might think of me.
If you have kept up with our baby blog since day 1, then you know my greatest heart’s desire is to have our baby safely. Whatever it may take. I wrote a note on facebook letting everyone know what was going on and not all of the responses and messages were encouraging. Causing me to be thankful that I didn’t express more of the honest feelings going on inside of me. Which now I realize is pretty lame, because it is what I am feeling. What good does it do to deny them or keep them in?
I felt as though people judged me yesterday for asking for prayer for a natural delivery. That was hard for me, because obviously my heart is to have a safe delivery first. I hope you can all see that and I didn’t come across as being selfish.
I was afraid to express my questions and fears, but today I am going to do just that. Because I need to.
So, to be honest…
When I first heard the news my stomach dropped and it took everything in me not to cry until we left the Doctor’s office. I made it out the door and then came the tears.
I was thankful that our baby is doing amazing despite his/her super tight quarters, but was really hoping they would tell me everything was ready and we would be meeting our baby soon.
During our birthing classes they had us take double sided cards, one side would say something like epidural and the other would be the opposite, so in this case; natural, and they had us lay out our ideal birth plan. After that, they had us flip 3 cards over that we would be okay with changing. After that they had us flip 3 more cards, which really made my heart drop to think about. Our instructor told us to really think about the possibility that our birth plan “A” and even “B” could be tossed out the window due to circumstances. It was hard, but really good for us to think through. Yesterday I felt like we’d totally lost our birth plan and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed.
I am left really trying to trust God in all things, which is already hard for me. I feel like I’ve been on this journey of learning to trust Him in everything my whole life and sometimes I feel like this journey gets harder and harder.
It’s hard to understand. Why is it that sometimes our heart’s desire doesn’t come to fruition?
My heart’s desire was to have an all natural home birth. We began with such a wonderful midwife who not only respected my birth plan but supported it as well. When we found on that I had Group B Strep (at 6 months), Ted really felt like we should transfer and do a hospital birth. I trust Ted so much, that he hears God and knows what is best for his family, and I am now seeing this was the best decision for this pregnancy.
My heart’s desire was to have a baby and it took a while, but here we have a beautiful baby growing inside. I do remember this and I am grateful.
One of the big disappointments of yesterday was walking away from another appointment, knowing I have an appointment scheduled for Monday July 13, which meant… we probably wouldn’t meet our baby for at least another 4 days. That is hard! We are ready and waiting and anxious! 4 days seems like eternity right now and I can’t even tell you how serious I am being right now.
My fears/concerns about having a cesarean:
  • I want to be a mommy to many. I still don’t know how many but I want at least 4 kiddos.
  • I am afraid if my 1st is a c-section, my second will need to be as well.
  • Getting an epidural/spinal is my only option if I want to be awake for our baby’s first cry and the moment where they tell me “it’s a boy/girl…”. The good news about getting an epidural for a cesarean is that the epidural/spinal does NOT effect the baby at all! He/she comes out quickly after I get medicine.
  • General anesthesia wouldn’t affect the baby, but it would put me under and I would miss our baby’s first cry and a friend told me, up to an hour of his/her life! Also, coming out of that would be a nightmare.
  • The healing process of having a cesarean. It’s longer.
Right now, I’m at work and someone at the desk beside me is listening to a tutorial video out loud and someone at the desk beside me is listening to kelly clarkson (in headphones but loud enough to hear). My mind is kind of overexposed, haha, so this will be it for today’s blog.
Monday during worship, someone shared the verse below, saying it was a verse to meditate on for the week. During today’s worship, they put this verse up again and it meant something more to me. I am going to try and trust God and whatever his will might be for our baby’s delivery; cesarean or natural. We shall see soon!

Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.”
1 John 5:14-15

Baby Update.

Hey Everyone!


Today is officially our due date!

A lot of people are wondering and asking what is going on, when is our baby coming, is it today, am I being induced…

Well, we had another appointment this morning and our baby is still backed out of my pelvis but is head down, just not engaged. My cervix has been posterior and still is, which basically means it’s really high. With the baby’s help, it needs to be pushed farther down before we can begin labor.

Our doctor told us today, that if we were to go into labor right now, we would most likely need a cesarean. He told us we need to wait this weekend out and hope that the baby moves back down and begins his/her descent to help everything get ready.

I don’t like the options that come with having a cesarean! One is general anethesia, which would put me under and I wouldn’t be awake to witness our baby’s birth and the moment where they say “its a…” but that would only be if I began with an all natural labor and then had an emergency c-sections. The other option is an epidural which I really do not want, but I would be able to be awake for the delivery, just unable to hold our baby until everything was finished.

Please pray with us that our baby moves down this weekend and everything begins naturally! It’s my heart’s desire to have an all natural labor and delivery and to have that precious moment when they place the baby on me.

We are hoping and praying for the best! Obviously our greatest desire is our baby’s safety and we will do whatever it takes for that.

Please join with us and pray!
Thank you!!!

Love,
Jami & Ted

Due Date: Baby Update

Okay so…

We had another appointment this morning and our baby is still backed out of my pelvis but is head down, just not engaged. My cervix has been posterior and still is, which basically means it’s really high. With the baby’s help, it needs to be pushed farther down before we can begin labor.

Our doctor told us today, that if we were to go into labor right now, we would most likely need a cesarean. He told us we need to wait this weekend out and hope that the baby moves back down and begins his/her descent to help everything get ready, eh down there.

I have two options if I have a cesarean, both of which I do not like! One is general anethesia, which would put me under and I wouldn’t be awake to witness our baby’s birth and the moment where they say “its a…”. That would be such a hard thing. The 2nd option is an epidural which I really do not want, but I would be able to be awake for the delivery, just unable to hold our baby until everything was finished.

My reason for not wanting an epidural in the first place does not apply during this c-section. Our baby wouldn’t be affected by the epidural in anyway, because the procedure is speedy for delivering him/her. Just mommy would be affected and that is okay with me.

Please pray with us that our baby moves down this weekend and everything begins naturally! It’s my heart’s desire to have an all natural labor and delivery and to have that precious moment when they place the baby on me.

We are hoping and praying for the best! Obviously our greatest desire is our baby’s safety and we will do whatever it takes for that. Please join with us and pray!

*side note edit 4:31pm: I am having a really hard time and I’m actually really struggling with understanding why all of this is happening. I might write a blog tomorrow telling how I am honestly feeling, because right now due to tears, I’m afraid I wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Prayer Request.

Our Doctor is asking us to come tomorrow to see if things are progressing and to talk about what is next if nothing is happening.

Please, please pray that our baby decides to come on his/her own! Ted and I never really expected to be talking about induction and it’s just hard that the baby has pushed itself back out of where he/she needs to be.
Since our baby is measuring “8lbs” which they said at least expect 7 1/2 lbs, I would like to have him/her soon so the baby doesn’t get any bigger. They aren’t worried right now about my height and frame being able to deliver naturally, but if the baby gets any bigger, than maybe.
Please pray for us to make the right decision! We are really seeking God in this and we are hoping for the baby to naturally on his/her own, to come today, tonight or before tomorrow’s 10:20 appointment.
Thank you!

"Fairly Quickly"

Today was our 40 week check up and I left kind of confused but encouraged.

When our Doctor did the check up, he told me the reason I hadn’t gone into labor yet was because our baby decided to move back OUT of my pelvis! Which meant all of those “launches” I have been feeling, was actually the baby backing out of where he/she needed to be. I was bummed to hear that and the fact that I still wasn’t dilated. I mean, can you believe that?!
I almost cried when he told me that, but then he said we were going to check the baby’s measurements to see if we were measuring right on, or early or late. That cheered me up, because I knew it meant we would get to SEE our baby for the first time since I was 24 weeks.
He measured the baby and me and we’re measuring right on. In fact, baby is measuring in at 8 lbs! I was shocked when I heard this! 8 lbs? I was only 6 lbs, but Ted was 9 lbs! If that makes any difference. Probably not.
He told me once our baby engages in the pelvis again, then we should go into labor and quickly. He left us saying “I expect you to go into labor fairly quickly here” which I totally couldn’t help but to take to heart… even without the dilation and the baby being head down but not low enough.
I asked Ted if I was holding on too tightly to what Dr. Hill told us, and he said no because he was too :) Hopefully soon I’ll be introducing you to our little chubby baby!