Tonight my heart is overwhelmed.
I constantly feel as though I fall short as a momma (and a wife and just me … But let’s not go there tonight.)
Today was, yet another “one of those days” where I feel like the biggest hypocrite EVER as I yell at my children:
BE GENTLE. BE KIND. BE LOVING.
Oh mah Lord, and I’m molding these little ones? Jesus, be with me, please.
Then arrives the pre-bedtime struggles and I feel like I’m about to flip out. Just. Get. In. Bed.
I crawl into my 2.5-year-olds “super cool” jeep bed (while this sounds really sweet like “awwww what a good momma” originally it was more to keep the little Wild One IN. HIS. BED. but now the night time routine has become a time of truly precious moments for my momma-heart.)
I snuggle up with Shailo who quickly asks me for the blessing or “the sunshine song”. Chase reaches down from his (little kid) loft bed and I reach up to hold his hand. I first give them their “blessing” – often their little voices echoing mine “The Lord bless you, and keep you. Make his face shine upon you and give you peace, aaaaaamen.” We then sing You Are My Sunshine until either their little voices fade as they fall asleep or until we begin talking about superheroes and their powers, or (like tonight) Optimus Prime and that “Bumblebee lives in our up home but when we are awake he turns into our vacuum” (because it’s yellow and black :))
They fall asleep. The chaos and busy day ends for them and peace settles over them. And over me. As I lay in Shailo’s bed, I well up with tears. How thankful I am to be their momma! Oh my heart, so overjoyed and overwhelmed. The moment at night and pause and reflect nd and words can’t even express how full my heart is.
I sneak carefully out of Shailo’s bed and head towards the door.
Yes, I stepped on Legos on my way out of their room. And it freakin’ hurt.
But oh what a picture of parenting even that is, right?
It’s going to be a little painful, crazy, chaotic, and messy (I mean today, I literally had Everly’s poop on my phone case – maybe for hours before I noticed) Every day, almost 24/7. There isn’t a paycheck at the end of the week, or even sometimes a pat on the back. But it is the most rewarding and beautiful gift to be their momma.
THIS BEAUTIFUL MOMMAHOOD.
Tongiht, I am super encouraged. I am by no means Super Mom in my eyes but to my kiddos I am.
An honest post to share a bit of my struggles as a mother.
I’d love to hear your honest stories of motherhood. I started a mini series called Beautiful Mommahood. If you’d like to join in with me in sharing yours as well, I would love this. I have realized in my 5-years as a momma – I want to hear the real stuff. I NEED to hear it. No facade, just the really authentic beautiful junk that needs to be shared and let out.
There is such beauty and freedom in being real.
So here I am – venturing out in an area I haven’t totally been 100% real in.
Join me? :)