Anyone else shaking their head at how fast 2013 is already flying by? Um, no thank you!
I didn’t blog as much as I had hoped in 2012 – which in past years blogging had been my version of a “scrap book”.
Well, this year, I am changing a few things. I aim to quit the “glorification of busy” and to spend my time doing the things I need to (yes, obviously) but also making it a priority to do the things I LOVE , things that refresh me and also bring our family life. I mean, I look back on our cram packed 2012 and wonder what we really have to show for it! I know we do – but what would the end of a year look like if I had actually documented it the way I dream! In a way we can look back in years to come and show our boys, future kids and even future family.
I don’t like to look back and regret a year: missed opportunities and dreams and goals, etc. I want to be thankful for what did take place in 2012. And I am, I really am. This year, I hope to have a better focus on what is truly important. To us as a family and what we value personally. To things that, in past years, haven’t been top priority that should be. To let go of things that aren’t bringing life to our family.
The past few years have been incredibly trying on our family personally. And this year I have finally kind of pinpointed why I often feel disappointed at the end of a new year and the beginning of another. For years our lives were a part of a missionary organization that we loved. It was our whole life, our everything. We lived and breathed it. We left this discipleship training center in March of 2010 and so began this incredibly intense identity crisis of sorts. It has been really difficult for Ted and I both to kind of reestablish who we are without that world, and even to remember that we still have purpose and a calling outside of what we’d known for so long. And now, we live just minutes this place we once called home but are no longer a part of it. It’s disheartening at time, especially when we constantly hear of and see of what is happening there.
On top of leaving what we once knew as our whole life and our family, only one month later, we found out we were pregnant with Eisley. Less than 6 months later we lost her and felt more alone than ever before. We now look back and realize we truly weren’t alone, but it felt as though we were because for years we had this amazing community-family we were a part of and that was suddenly gone and then we walked through our darkest time ever without them.
I sort of digress, all of that to say that this year I really finally feel like God has truly shown us there is purpose for us and that we can rejoice in the calling He has given us, even if it is different from those around us. Even if we aren’t a part of a community-family like in our years past. That we need to quit having a “pity party” (of sorts) and such an identity struggle with living outside of the ministry we’d known for so long.
One thing I personally feel for myself this year is to invest my whole heart into my boys and raising them up in Him. Raising little warriors. To devote my whole heart to praying for them and pouring into them and loving them. I have felt personally, that I need to learn to really, truly be 100% okay and fulfilled in being a stay at home momma. That has been an incredible struggle for me – even though I LOVE it – to feel as though what I do is an important calling too. (I struggle even sharing this because I never. ever. ever want to hurt someone – whether it be one who might long for this and wonder why I would struggle with this identity stuff or it be one who thinks an education is also important. I believe each momma is so very different and that is okay, whatever we feel and decide to do as a mother.)
I feel that He has really shown me, for me personally, this is what He’s called me to right now. I want to give my whole heart to this and not let my mind wander to maybe what else I could be doing. I feel an incredible freedom already this year, in just walking in truth and believing this with my everything.
I have other goals and dreams for our life, but right now, for me personally, I feel I need to truly focus on the here & now. (this is our current chalkboard art – inspired by our new year, a word i feel for us and also, Katie Daisy and her STUNNING art. I would love to buy it all if I could. She’s amazing.)
To go hand in hand with this, I decided to join in on Project Life – maybe Jami-style because I’m not sure I can do it exactly as is, we shall see. I follow Tracy on IG and she has inspired me to do this, as I followed her journey last year. When I described this to Ted he too felt this is PERFECT for me, for us. I am so anxious to get rollin’ – printing wise. I’ve already downloaded the app Day One and have begun to document the past week thus far. Thankfully I have taken a photo a day for my #365grateful project and was able to quickly fill the past 8 days in.
I have a hard time scrapbooking but I enjoy Tracy’s simple but incredibly meaningful way of doing hers and feel like this is doable! I mean, if you know or follow me at all, you know I love to document our life, but I realized at the end of 2012, I had a TON of photos but not a place I could really look at all of our photos and our life in 2012 combined. I like to do photo books but this just seems so perfect for us. Maybe just for this year? Maybe more :)
I am excited to stop the busyness of things we (I) really don’t need in our lives and to begin doing things that are really us and what will bring us life in the long run. Like for me this now means, adding Project Life and subtracting other less important things!
SO EXCITED to see what this year holds as I walk in my calling with my whole heart and not just a little bit anymore.
Do you or anybody you know do Project Life? Do you have any tips for me?