humming hallelujah in the dark

(image taken by me, Thailand, 2008)

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” – Rev. 21:4

there was incredible amount of fear and anxiety for many as we awaited the news of little Jessica Ridgeway, the sweet 10-year-old girl who went missing from nearby just last friday.  you can read more about her and what has happened, here.

i could barely sleep last night. and today my spirit, like so many others who have been following her story, is heavy and shaken. i can’t stop thinking about her and what she went through. and of her poor family… about what they must be feeling. the dark hell they have experienced in the last week. the overwhelming sorrow that i know they now have.

things like this bring me to such a dark place and today, as i washed the dishes, i just cried out to my Father. how could such things like this, that are so hard for your mind to fathom, especially these that are so dark and terrifying, happen?

when i allow my mind to “go there” with things i’ve witnessed, or the horrible stories i’ve heard about injustices around the states/world, or things that have happened in my own past… it is just so incredibly overwhelming.

we know of these injustices. i think that most of us have heard the stories, maybe sat in a class room and listened to the statistics, the horror stories, the terrible things even the youngest of children have endured. perhaps some have experienced things firsthand or seen things with their own eyes that is just too much to truly comprehend.

today, i am reminded of truth amidst all of this sadness; we were not created to know of such evil and darkness. we were not created for such sorrow.

perhaps that is why our minds truly do not know how to process such horrible things. whether it be via news, teachings, life circumstances, or things witnessed.

we are apart of this fallen world, one where the darkest most incomprehensible things happen every day. i guess, for me personally – and this is incredibly selfish – but i often tune out when i heard of such injustices. they just seem TOO much. too overwhelming.

this week, as i began hearing of this little girl who went missing,  i wanted to shut it off. but i suddenly remembered a quote from a teaching during my time on Youth With A Mission Denver. it was from a speaker named Chris Failla;

Expose yourself to the needs of this world and let yourself be affected by it.

so i decided to listen to what was happening.

i don’t want to “tune out” such things, i do want to be impacted by things of this world with a hope that i could possibly help, in some way. even in a small way. but how? especially as a stay at home momma… doesn’t it just feel overwhelming? i feel that way a lot. with things in my own life and past, and from the last few years but also, when i allow myself to “go there” with the needs of the world.

ted and i traveled with two different teams on short term mission trips to Thailand in 2007 and again in 2008. i will never forget walking on the streets of the Land of Smiles. we had previously researched and learned of the horrible things that happen there (as well as many other countries, including the United States of America) and walking the streets with this knowledge was sickening. overwhelming. our hearts broke with each step. we worked with many ministries working to end the sex industry and finding freedom and healing for those (mostly woman) who were affected by it. those moments changed my life {forever}.

but when you are face to face with such injustices on a daily, hourly basis – it’s easier to not tune them out. it is easier to be hands on and DO something to make a difference, even if it feels like a small difference.

if you asked me what my greatest dream for my life would be, you would be floored. because it is not something the i allow myself to be apart of in fact, rarely am i.

(obviously, being a momma is one of my biggest dreams) but a dream and a desire i have had for years, stemming from darkness from my own past, is that injustices would be brought to justice. that such horrible darkness would be exposed, brought into the light. that freedom would rise, and evil would fall.

i have dreamt of living in Thailand and being actively involved in exposing the sex industry for what it is, and helping find freedom – and healing – for the girls and boys and woman who’ve had to endure such hell.

as i sat washing the dishes today, tears just ran down my face. it is so overwhelming and so hard to know where to start. right now, i am a momma but i was reminded that i had a “weapon” i could use right then, and while i am at home with my boys, or out and about, and that is my voice in {prayer}.

and let me just say, i feel He really revealed to me that for now, this is the weapon He has given me personally. and i will battle and fight in the spirit against this incredible darkness. from a few miles away from where this beautiful little girl was abducted and found to thousands and thousands of miles away from the streets of Thailand. i will be a warrior and fight from here.

i guess i just wanted to share today. even while feeling incredible sorrow, i have this overwhelming sense of peace knowing that a. this is not what He imagined for His creation, His beloved people (and i am not just talking about believers, i’m speaking of his ENTIRE creation.) b. the reminder to my heart (and perhaps yours) that even when all feels lost, overwhelming and like there is nothing we could possibly do, that we can be warriors in prayer. we can fight in the spirit. and c. that this is not the end. no matter how dark and horrible things may be or become, this is truly not the end. there will be justice.

HE will bring justice. maybe not for a while in some cases, maybe never while we are here on earth, but i truly believe He will bring the ultimate justice.

clinging to this helps, especially today, when we are reminded of just how dark and fallen this world really is.

until then, let us keep humming hallelujah in the dark.

and lifting Jessica’s family in prayer…

– jami

here is a song with an incredibly fitting chorus;

3 thoughts on “humming hallelujah in the dark

  1. teri lynn (@LifeWithKate) says:

    Thank you for these words, Jami. I needed these words today. I needed to remember that there will be justice, that our sorrow will one day pass. Thank you for reminding me to be a warrior in prayer. Over the past few weeks I have come to truly understand the concept of praying without ceasing. And I will continue to be a warrior in prayer. I will continue to fight, to hope, to believe in the good in the world and the amazing power of God. Thank you…


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