Life

mommahood {2}: the big thief.

(Yesterday I sat talking with a momma-friend of mine about this very topic. I have had this post in my drafts for months now, adding to it here or there but all the while wondering if I’d ever actually really post this but after talking with my friend yesterday I realized this really is truly a post that God has put on my heart and today I really feel I need to hit publish. Here goes…)

(imagine via pinterest)

Oh golly.

Where to start? Or maybe how to start is a better question.

This post has been a long time in coming. It’s a topic that’s been on my heart often since I’ve become a momma. It’s been a battle within me to try and figure out why this is a struggle at all. Well, I decided to finally share on my blog my thoughts, struggles and hopes in this area. Hence this post.

I must say I’ve been really hesitant to post this topic because I really wanted to be sure that I could clearly express my heart and what I am trying to say. So before I start sharing please know that this is something I struggle with in mommahood and  it’s something I have {not} conquered. I hope to share and I guess kind of take a stand against the freakin’ schemes of the enemy when it comes to things of mommahood.

When I became a mom a few things immediately floored me; sudden comparison and this sudden, overwhelming insecurity / inferiority that other mommas have it all together while we do not.

I am not a naturally competitive person and I am a sensitive person (great combo {wink}), so at first I was a little taken aback. I struggled with believing from the get-go that maybe I was doing something wrong because so and so did it differently. That maybe I wouldn’t be as good a mother I’d hoped. That I wasn’t capable to mold my child the “right way”, etc.

I can’t say that all momma’s fall into this, but I sure did. I’m a super sensitive soul, so maybe that’s just it, but I won’t be surprised to hear of other moms who feel this way.

In my “short?” years of being a parent, at times this very comparison has worn me down in ways that it shouldn’t. At times I let myself drown in comparison of how I mothered, how I parent, how my child was/wasn’t doing, how I was/wasn’t doing such and such. At times allowed comparison to truly steal my joy. At times I’ve allowed comparison and insecurities from said comparisons to affect my ability to be authentic and real and honest. At times it has even taken up so much time in my mind and heart and taken away time from my children.

I am guilty of falling into this trap. Of letting this thief steal my joy. I get caught up in feeling insecure and begin to even act in ways that is just not me. Well I’ve had enough. I’m so weary of this pattern I see among mommas. Let’s take a stand … or maybe it comes down to becoming humble and honest and real again. Sharing without feeling insecure.

Realizing that even when we believe that another momma is supermom and fall into the trap of wishing you had their giftings or passions for this or that, it’s taking away from what we really could be as a momma. What if we went back to who we are in Him and how He has wired us. Individually. Uniquely. We are set apart, unique and gifted in our own ways.

Oh to seek after what is truly us, what we are passionate about and to pursue that. To put time and effort and energy into that – instead of our “need” to look as though we have it all together, or instead of comparison and feeling inferior or superior to another or instead of trying to be something we are not.

To be real, authentic and honest with one another. What a difference this would make!

What is it about becoming a momma that brings us to a place of comparison and insecurity?

Why can’t we bond over motherhood?

Why can’t we share in triumphs and struggles?

Why can we not build each other up?

I mean {we}, of all people in the world, know what motherhood can be like at times.

Why not stand together and support one another?

Why not share honestly?

Why not encourage one another in our individual giftings and passions? 

Why not glean from one another?
I think that the more open and honest and {real} we are with one another we could be surprised that we really aren’t alone. We aren’t the only ones struggling with this or that. I’ve talked with a few momma’s about this and realized that it’s a major struggle for moms to believe that others have got it all together (or at least more than us) and we are failing as this thing called motherhood.
(quote via pinterest)
Or maybe even a struggle for us to want to always put our best foot forward (highlight reel) and let everyone think that we do when inside we know it’s difficult and or that we struggle.
Let’s come together, be real and share our truimphs and highlight reel moments and our struggles as mothers!
Let’s come along side each other in this crazy-awesome-beautiful-trying thing called mommahood.
Maybe for Mother’s Day this year we can gift ourselves the gift of {letting go} of our comparisons, our feeling like a momma-fail and {taking hold} of who we are uniquely as a momma.  To really dwell in truth and try to let joy permeate instead of these lies that come our way. Sharing honestly and authentically the triumphs and the struggles of being a mother.
Hitting publish with the hope of encouraging all of the mommas and soon-to-be mommas out there. What do you think? Do you struggle with this? Comments welcome :)
Happy weekend and {HAPPY MOMMA’S DAY!}
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5 thoughts on “mommahood {2}: the big thief.

  1. You are an amazing Momma, don’t ever compare yourself to anyone. The way they do or don’t do things with their kids is not what “your” kids need. They need you and Ted being the amazing parents you are.

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  2. Amen. It is so true, but I encounter WAY less of this now than I used to because I don’t come in contact with as many Moms as when I was at YWAM. Not only is being a Mom difficult in itself, but my life has made it so much harder. I realized a long time ago that I am far from super Mom. But, like you said, I want to focus on what I CAN do and not obsess over the things that are not my area of strength. Good for you on posting this. I do hope for Mother’s Day you (and the rest of us) would take one more step away from the comparisons that drag us down. Love you!!!

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  3. Not a mommy, but i’m so proud of you for posting this. And no mom is perfect, but the one thing i know beyond a shadow of a doubt about MY mom is that she loves me, and this makes her the BEST mom. And Jami, not a soul could look at your life and not be overwhelmed by how deeply and obvious you adore your three babies. C, E, and S are beyond blessed to have you as their mommy, and God has given you the special grace to be that…so NO ONE could do it better :) Happy Mother’s Day, dear friend.

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  4. Even after just 3 months of motherhood, I definitely know what you mean! It’s so easy to compare how well other babies are doing when you really see so little of their daily life. I’ve found some older Mums at church in particular really encouraging when things aren’t that easy, grateful for them! Every child and ever parent are different so comparing is rarely helpful! xx

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  5. Congratulations – You’re the lucky recipient of my Liebster Award!!!

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