Life

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Today was the {hardest} day as a parent for me. I’m so weary and emotionally drained. I want to write though, because I want to share and hear different perspective. I want to now how you handle what I’m about to talk about.

The week Ted left for Mardi Gras (with a school), Chase began throwing baby “fits”. He would arch his back and twist and turn in frustration. I was so surprised, where had this come from? I thought maybe it had something to do with his top two teeth coming through, but then realized there was a pattern. This wasn’t a cry of pain, or of hunger, etc. This was out of frustration.

For me, there is such a huge difference emotionally taking care of a tired, hungry or achy baby and a defiant, upset baby. Before I could meet his needs, but this… this felt like I was “fighting” him most of today. Part of me feels so upset because I’ve been told I was such a difficult and stubborn baby and toddler, that I can’t help but wonder if my kids will be anything like me. It’s such a terrible thinking mentality. It’s like setting my son up for failure.

There is another part of me that wonders; Did I do something wrong?, Had something in my parenting that told him this was okay?, etc. Part of me feels like I have failed as a parent already. That I missed the signs of this or neglected to deal with the little things leading up to this.

Many times today, I had to sit down, let him cry it out on the floor, and just take a deep breath. At one point I asked God to calm me down and give me peace because I was so angry. Tonight, Chase and I went to a baby shower and there I shared what happened with a friend. She encouraged me immensely by letting me know this happens and reminding me to stop and pray for Chase when I feel so at a loss.

Tonight, towards the end of the shower, Chase threw a baby fit in front of everyone and when I went to nurse him, he bit me hard. I left the room crying from the pain but mostly from feeling confused, hurt and embarrassed.

We have been slightly tugging the hair behind his ear and saying and signing “no”. It is so difficult for me to discipline him or to watch it. It breaks my heart actually.

But I know the truth; My son is a sweet, calm, chill baby boy and to me this doesn’t change it. This is just a bump in the road. This doesn’t make him who he is.

I guess what I want from you is feedback; Is this a normal stage? How do you handle this kind of thing? Please comment.

Today was was a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and I have hope that tomorrow will be much, much better!

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8 thoughts on “The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

  1. Oh Jami- I had a terrible no good very bad day about a week ago. I told Harper to shut up several times and left her in her room to scream while I tried to calm down. And the biting. Oh.my.gosh. I could see her teeth marks in my nipple and I bled for 20 mintues. She was frustrated and bit me and I was furious. She was out of control this particular day. Wasn’t sick, wasn’t tired or hungry, just mad. I don’t have any good advice except taking it moment by moment. But what I really wanted to tell you was don’t let yourself think you are failing as a momma. I’ve never seen you personally with chase or seen you interact with him, but I don’t have too. Through your pictures and words I can feel how much you love an adore him. How you only want what’s best and how you want him to grow to be healthy, godly, loving and kind. If I can tell all that through pictures and blogs, I would say it’s safe to say you are doing an excellent job. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for sharing your talents with all of us. Thank you for opening your life to ours. You are doing wonderfully. And God made you, YOU, chase’s mommy because you are the best and only one fit for the job.

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  2. Hey Jami! When my little guy throws a baby fit, I pick him up, hug him tightly and in a very soft and quiet voice I talk to him and say thing like “No Josiah, we don’t throw fits like this. I know you are frustrated and don’t know how to tell me, but you need to calm down.” and then I will give him lots of kisses and re-direct the situation to something else like a different toy or a different room, something. Then we start over, I take a deep breath and we move on. Don’t feel like a failure. That’s what the enemy wants to make you believe. Remember to see yourself in God’s mirror, ok? You are doing a wonderful job with your baby Chase. Hugs froma fellow momma!!

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  3. Oh Jami I know how you feel. Seth does exactly the same thing and it can be so difficult sometimes. It is not your fault though. Seriously. I am pretty sure every child does this at least to some extent. I was surprised too, because I wasn’t really expecting tantrums until toddlerhood. But that is pretty much what these are. I agree that it is the hardest part of parenting; I’m really hoping that as Seth gets older and more aware I’ll be able to teach him to handle frustration differently.

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  4. Dearest Jami ~ It has taken me awhile to think about this and respond.

    Parenting is absolutely the hardest thing you will ever do. I told you before Chase was born about the saying that becoming a parent ischoosing to have your heart walk around outside your body. It is like seeing your heart in the flesh…raw…and sometimes, well, it hurts. Being a mom means dying daily to yourself ~ your selfishness, I should say. Every day we choose who we are going to serve; ourselves and what we want to do, or others, and what we are called to do, even when we don’t feel like it. So, we sacrifice, we pour into, we pray for, we desire the best for, and try to build character in, even when saying “no” is hard. So, when your children turn around and do things to hurt you, intentionally or not, it hurts…it hurts alot. It’s hard not to get angry and bitter because “they don’t understand how much I have sacrificed for them”.

    This is what I know about being a parent after almost 23 years ~ When I find myself feeling hurt or rejected because my children are angry with me, or they misunderstood my trying to teach them discipline, or say hurtful things to me, or question my love for them because I don’t let them get everything they want… God whispers to me, “I understand; I’ve been there”.

    Parenting is hard; look at us, how stubborn and rebellious we are, and yet God continues to be patient, speak words of love and kindness, and He never gets tired of us or wants a break. We need to try and model His parenting, knowing that we will never out love God, that we can never be the kind of loving parent He is to us, BUT, HE UNDERSTANDS the pain and struggle of loving someone so much that you would give your life for them, in fact, He did something harder than giving His own life, He watched His Son die in our place so that we would…Reject Him, Spit at Him, Curse at Him, (Throw fits when we don’t get our way)…And knowing all that ahead of time , He willingly made the sacrifice because of His great love for us. People tell us ahead of time that parenting is going to be hard, but we really don’t know, do we?
    I have learned so much about God in being a parent myself, especially during the hard times because that is when we can understand his Incredible Heart for us. We go into parenting somewhat blindly, expecting this child to add so much love and joy, which they do, but we don’t expect it to be so hard when they don’t respond the way we want them to. God understands this completely. Isn’t that reassuring? HE UNDERSTANDS…the God of Heaven, understands our pain, frustration, desire, sacrifice, and longsuffering with our children. I just picture him saying, “tell me all about it”, and then shaking his head in understanding while we jabber away and cry…and he’s crying too, because HE UNDERSTANDS.
    I know there are a lot of young moms reading your blog, and one of the things I would encourage you all to do, is read the proverbs for guidance. It talks so much in there about the wise and foolish, and believe me, we want wise children. It tells us what to do to prevent having foolish children. It is much easier to raise a foolish child than a wise one, but not better or easier for them or for us. Please let me exhort you strongly, especially if you have sons…get their respect early, discipline them, and make sure they respect others.

    Blessings to all of you who daily give so much of yourselves on behalf of others! Keep asking questions, seeking Godly counsel, and staying connected to your husbands! Make sure Jesus is your first love, and give to others from the overflow! May God Bless You and Keep You; May His face shine upon You and Give you HIS Peace!

    I love you so much, Jami. You are one of the VERY BEST moms I know, and Chase is a very blessed young man to have such a kind and loving mother!! Keep up the good work!

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