I am a bottler.


I can’t sleep tonight because of this lovely word.
I am wrapped in this very thing tonight.
Even the word itself is so awful, but this feeling is so much worse.

I am hurt.

I am frustrated.
I am bitter.
And I can’t sleep because of it.

I am a bottler.
I bottle, bottle, bottle.
Then explode (usually in tears).

Healthy, huh?
Yeah…I’m working on that.

Part of why I am upset is because I witness injustices and I bottle them up.
Wanting them to be made right.
Yet they go unattended, ignored, avoided… never to be made right.
I have eyes and a heart for justice and I can’t seem to grasp the mercy part.
Yet they go hand in hand (I’ve blogged about this before).
I guess it has just added up and I am weary of carrying this.
We are being wounded left and right and it seems like we aren’t getting a break.
I’ve begun to see people for who they truly are.
Their true colours despite their facade.
I don’t understand what exactly is going on.
People choosing the cause rather than relationship.
We live in a seriously fallen world.
And I also know that “hurting people hurt people”.
But somehow that doesn’t make this any better.
It also doesn’t help that I am also easily offended and hurt.
Oh golly, I’ve got a long way to go.
This is me, “unbottling“.
Trying to get this out and hopefully I will sleep better tonight.
I’m going to need the help of my Father on this one.
God, thank you so much for being so gracious and merciful.
I have a lot to learn from you!
It’s pathetic the things I hold onto sometimes and even more pathetic that I lose much needed sleep to them.

2 thoughts on “I am a bottler.

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