Suddenly it’s hit me and with quite a force.

I was telling Ted last night how I feel so apathetic.
I feel like I haven’t had many great conversations with God lately.
Or barely any for that matter.
And frankly, I feel like I don’t have time to.
I am also dealing with a bit of bitterness toward Him.
He knew my heart’s desire for an all natural delivery of our child.
And I was only able to go 16 hours without any medication.
And then, even 42 hours later & 10 cm dilated, I couldn’t even have him naturally.
It still feels like a low blow to me.
I hate that that is the way I feel.
Because it’s not me and it’s not t r u t h.
I realized that it has been since I’ve become a momma.
It has nothing to do with Chase or being his mommy, no, that’s not it.
I’ve been in this huge transition of going from working in ministry full time to being a full time mom.
I am learning how to recognize the presence of God is still with me.
I know that may sound awful, but it’s seriously true.
I am learning to recognize Him again.
As I a home with Chase and not at YWAM, where you can literally feel the presence of God most of the time.
He is with me
as I change diapers, nurse, cook, take naps, clean, grocery shop, do laundry, run errands…
as I live life outside of YWAM.
as I transition into a momma.
It’s actually a lot harder than it sounds.
Anyone who has left YWAM can relate.
oh golly.
But I do know without a doubt;
I am called to be in ministry
I am designed to be Ted’s wife and Chase’s mother
Here I am recognizing.
You are here with me as I walk through this transition.
This is only the beginning to a seriously sweet and complete relationship with You.
Living life to the fullest no matter where I am or what I am doing.

2 thoughts on “BAM.

  1. Emma Mason says:

    I love it… your words, heart and honesty are beautiful. They are such an encouragement to me.. You are in my prayers daily…


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