This New Journey.

I am a mother.

It’s still so surreal to me.
And boy, am I in love with this little guy.
Chase Journey Davis
Bringing him into this world was exactly like his middle name; a journey.
40 plus hour of labor resulting with a c-section.
But brought such a beautiful baby boy.
All 8lbs 15oz of him.
It’s been such a transition, being a mother.
I find myself becoming a mother with each new day.
If that makes any sense. I am a mother but I am also becoming one.
It’s hard, sometimes draining,
But he is worth it all.
Tonight I am aching a bit.
I realize that I am now different than I have ever been before,
I don’t think it’s a bad thing though.
Well, deep inside I know it’s not.
It’s just a lot of change.
I feel more matured in some ways,
Yet so unsure of myself in others.
I’m trying to let this change come without being afraid.
I also don’t want to become apathetic if I do need to cry because of this change.
Tonight I want to cry,
But can’t.
I want to be myself but I am learning who that is now,
as a momma.
I’m sometimes worried about my relationship with Ted too.
I feel like I am distancing myself or that I’ve changed too much.
Especially physically.
Oh there is so much more inside that I can’t express.
I am not depressed, really I am not.
I am just working through this change.
I am still the same old me, only this me is intermixed with being a momma.
Father, guide me as I walk blindly through these changes.

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