this morning how pathetic I have been
This is not a pity party blog update, just simply the truth
I’ve spent so much of my time dwelling upon the times where I felt You abandoned me
The times where I have felt alone and wondered where You were.
I’ve spent the past few months replaying many situations
Which cause me to feel alone and to wallow in old lies I once believed.
It sickens me, causes me to see only in shades of gray, yet again.
This dwelling is leaving me stagnant. Walking me in circles.
A vicious cycle of fear, loneliness and disbelief.
It hit me so suddenly this morning.
Why am I not rejoicing? How am I standing stagnant in remembering the things of the past?
Why am I not thanking You for your healing hand?
At first I felt such a guilt for feeling the way I have been feeling and not bringing You praise.
Then I remembered who You are and how You love me, how You’ve lifted my downcast spirit, how You’ve lifted my eyes until I met Yours, how You’ve taken me in Your arms, how You’ve healed me both inside and out.
How can I not rejoice and walk in victory?
Oh Father I know Your love for me is unfathomable it is so great, so deep and so wide.
Thank you for loving me for me. Thank you for bringing me out of the dark and lonely road and into Your loving arms.
Thank You for always being right beside me even when it hurt, for I know You now and I know You were crying there beside me.
Thank you for pursuing me until I realized Your love for me.
Thank You for walking along side me, even now as I write.
Leading me into more understand of who You are and Your great love for me.
Help me to portray You to my daughter or my son, as the most loving Father, trustworthy in every way, faithful, true, forgiving, a healer, a friend…
For you are everything good. I want them to know You as You’ve shown Yourself to me, to Ted.
Help us portray You as who You are.