My time alone with Him was beyond anything my simple words could muster up. Seriously amazing. I mean I have my bouts of sadness (missing Ted and the team), but for the most part I cried only a little. (I am a crier…just in case you didn’t already know).
Funny thing is, God has really been speaking to me a lot about emotions. I tend to base a lot of how I am feeling in the moment. Which means I’m the conditional type of lover, fighter, crier, motivator… if this makes sense.
He has been teaching me what it means to be faithful unconditionally. What it means to worship unconditionally. And most importantly, and by far the most complicated of the three: what it means to love unconditionally. And Whoa. I stink at them all.
One of the biggest eye opening things for me this past outreach to Thailand, was my love (or lack thereof) for God, my husband, my team, and the people around me. Talk about conditional.
I looked back and read my journal entries from day one of outreach all the way down to the final week .( i finished a whole journal, which now i need to put everything learnt to practice and to heart) I immediately recognized a prayer I had written, asking my dear Heavenly Father for a heart like his, one which loves everyone. I wanted to love as Christ.
Sure enough, He heard me and probably very gladly began to walk me through this love of His. His real, unconditional, compassionate, empathetic love.
The word that comes to mind now: DESPITE. Why? Because the love of Christ loves despite how he feels. Despite how much you would rather let someone have it. Despite how unfair it may seem. Despite how the person loves you back. D E S P I T E.
I learned the hard way. A few hard blows. A few bruised knees.
I slowly began to learn how to love despite how I feel.
It was an incredible (is an incredible) lesson to learn.
I’m still learning. To love as Christ. To see people as He sees them.
It’s an eye opening thing indeed.
love has a new depth. a new meaning.
note: i actually didn’t spend the entire time alone. some of it was with friends and some with family. the week was peaceful and just what i needed.