acceptance.

Posted on February 1, 2011 by colourherhope

(photo taken during Eisley’s service)

Accept: to accommodate or reconcile oneself to: to accept the situation. (source)

Acceptance has been the hardest part. I think it’s what has caused this last month to be the hardest to walk through yet. I know we really have to face our reality in order to really begin moving forward, but to accept this… whew.

I feel like I go through the “grief cycle” many times throughout a day but the acceptance is the part that I still get caught up on. I could try to accept this, I don’t want to accept this.

It’s hard to accept or come to terms with what happened, with the bed rest, the hospital, the waiting, the hoping, the trauma, the birth…

I don’t want to accept that this was the first and last time we got to hold her in our arms.

I don’t want to accept the fact that I will never kiss her nose on a daily basis, or that Chase will never get to play with his baby sister, or that I will never get to see Eisley adore her daddy, or that I can’t dress her like me or watch her creativity blossom (I really felt she was a lot like me, I know it sounds odd, but I do). I don’t want to accept that our dreams with her are gone, or that we will never watch her grow to be a beautiful lady. I don’t want to accept that I won’t someday watch her walk down the aisle… etc, etc, etc, ETC. There is so much that I don’t want to accept. It’s seriously infinite.

I like the above quote, but suddenly realized it is more like INfinite disappointment then finite disappointment. Infinite is immeasurable. There is immeasurable disappointments and aches and there is also infinite hope. A hope that says no matter what we face, we can make it through the hardest, darkest day. Hope helps us breathe deeply, take that first step out of bed each morning, face the day, live… hope will help us to dream again eventually. We are clinging to hope, to Him. We must not lose infinite hope and we aren’t. We’re struggling and aching still, everyday and often.

Four and a half months too many.

We miss you baby girl.

Whew, I know this is really a downer of a post, but I want to stay true to where I’m at and honestly, to ask for your prayers.

I will share a not-so-down post next, with some fabulous finds to lift the mood.

pretty jewelry holder {a DIY}

Posted on January 26, 2011 by colourherhope

“If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.” – St. Clement of Alexandra

Today despite everything in me that aches….I hoped. This is what I did with a bit of that hope.

I’ve needed something to hold my jewelry for some time now because hides away in little boxes in the bathroom. “Out of sight, out of mind”, which means I rarely remember that I have it. So today, I wandered into our crafting room and grabbed a few things to create this.

Supplies I used:

Frame, paint and brushes, hot glue gun, black lace, white lace/doily fabric, cardboard.

That’s it!

How to DIY:

First, I painted the frame (you know me) black :)

Hot glue the fabric to the cardboard and then glue it to the frame.

Cut the lace then braid it.

Glue it to the cardboard.

Wa-la! Handmade hanger! (The frame itself is plastic so this lace will do the job, if your frame is heavier, maybe consider another option?)

Pin and hang jewelry!!

I hope you’re inspired to {create}.

Most importantly I hope you’re inspired to keep hoping “despite_______”.

words that resonate.

Posted on January 9, 2011 by colourherhope

i have my days, my hours where my heart is aching in a way that feels almost unbearable. today is one of “those days” where it’s really hard to get back up. it’s hard to even find the words tonight to express where i am at. my own words are failing me, so instead i will share a few photos with quotes or verses that resonate with me.